Let's tell a story four words at a time (Part 1)

and caused a horrific

riot among inebriated onlookers.

The sober ones, meanwhile,

were last seen reciting

Kung Fu International, and

practicing “karate” chops. Idiots.

Who would have guessed

Kate Upton was not

born female, or that

Weird Al is in

the London Symphony Orchestra

and his oboe work

sounded just like a

cat being runned over

while chewing on a

moldy, stale Tootsie Roll.

And don’t get me

started on Tootsie Rolls

or Sweet Tarts, because

they have suggestive names.