I was listening to SIRIUS tonight and heard the G&S song He’s Got a Little List". It’s a cute song (though incredibly vile in content- for example, “the banjo serenader and others of his race” was originally “the nigger serenader and [etc.]” and “the lady novelist”, while not as extreme, is still a decidedly chauvinistic prejudice).
Still, the principal of the song is good and the melody definitely catch, and some of its won’t be missed folks are still very applicable. One of my favorites: …the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this, and every country but his own
So who would you add to a 2006 list of “folks who won’t be missed”?
1- You don’t have to synch it to the song (though you most certainly may)
2- This is for groups of people, not individuals
I’ll start with a couple.
The co-worker who wants to sell you $12 nutbars for her kids
and e-Bay snipers who trump by fifty cents in the last second your winning bids
Celebrities who think all of the world is begging for their views
Networks who see murders as entertainment and starlet break-ups as real news
The man who waits at Starbucks forty minutes in a line
then when the clerk should ask his order he’s still not made up his mind
The politico who deduces from the dusty Bible on his shelf
that gay marriage offends Jesus but has been divorced two times himself.
The folks with yappy little pets
that go ape when you walk by them,
The co-worker who claims he smokes not cigarettes
when what he does not do is buy them.
The supposed force for freedom warring for “democracy”,
Who’s a sly imperialist - I’ve got it on my list -
Keeping untried prisoners stateless in the Caribbean sea
(If I weren’t a terrorist, after four years I’d be pissed).
Such imperial ambitions with such lack of savoir-faire
Make a failing state with parties that just cannot power share,
Nascent civil war encouraging insurgents to enlist,
And trade secular oppression for the fundamentalist.
And our PM, toady Tony, though we marched, would not desist -
I don’t think he’d be missed - indeed I know he’d not be missed.
Dammit, I wrote a really good one a couple of years back, which was posted herein, and on a G&S site, but it seems to have vanished into the internet void, and I am too old and bitter and depressed to rewqrite it.
Ah–found it! Sometimes “search” works and sometimes “search” doesn’t. Odd. Turns out it’s not “really good,” only “moderately good,” but here it is nonetheless:
People who can’t drive should just get off the road
Tailgating ain’t safe while it snowed and snowed.
Taking up two parking spaces like you’re the king,
Don’t be surprised if your door gets a ding.
And you, driving that HumVee is so lame,
An assault vehicle to drive to Taylor’s soccer game?
I don’t mean to go off on a driving rant,
But so many people think they can drive when they really can’t.
The cell phone picture taker with her “hold still”
And her “wait here!” and her clicking
As she says “pray tell hold your place.”
And then she blurs your face.
But it really doesn’t matter who you put upon the list. They’d none of them be missed.
Starting with the second verse…
There’s the handsome, stalking stranger, his wolf whistle won’t desist,
And the nosey female neighbor-I’ve got them on the list!
How about the folks who talk be-hind your back, and in your face,
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who posits, with enthusiastic tone,
All opinions must have cites, (every one except his own);
And the Congress critters from all 50 states, who want pork everyday,
And the senators who want highways to nowhere, oh I say!
And that singular anomaly, the godly atheist —
I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not he missed!
Chorus.
He’s got her on the list — he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
Oh, well-it mighn’t make much sense, but I don’t think any of them would be missed!
Starting with the second verse…
There’s the handsome, stalking stranger, his wolf whistle won’t desist,
And the nosey female neighbor-I’ve got them on the list!
How about the folks who talk be-hind your back, and in your face,
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who posits, with enthusiastic tone,
All opinions must have cites, (every one except his own);
And the Congress critters from all 50 states, who want pork everyday,
And the senators who want highways to nowhere, oh I say!
And that singular anomaly, the godly atheist —
I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not he missed!
Chorus.
He’s got her on the list — he’s got her on the list;
And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
Oh, well-it mighn’t make much sense, but I don’t think any of them would be missed!
The Dopers who I find to be uncharming and quite odd,
they may be Charter Members but seem to think that they are mods.
You’ll post to BBQ Pit a rant about cable rates
and because you said “Just what do you think?” they’ll say "This should be in Great Debates.
CHORUS
Then the Doper who’s been pissy e’er since they wouldn’t bring New Coke back
so he vents and whines and whimpers anytime someone says Brokeback
that the board is far too liberal and loves anything that’s gay
and he hates the board and hates the posters but will never go away.
Or his identically opposite twin brother who thinks that every Christian is a fool
and though white he gets pissy they don’t say “AFRICAN-AMERICAN BOARDS” in school
He hates prejudice and irration and all sweeping generalizations get his bippy
unless it’s he who’s making them about everyone in Mississippi.
He surely won’t be missed… he never will be missed.
Folks who think Leave it to Beaver was a documentary on the Fifties
and folks who think that ‘W the President’ bumper stickers are quite nifty
Those who think the role of Congress is to tell us how to live our lives
Men as queer as Liberace who introduce you to their wives
These freakin’ hypocrites, they surely won’t be missed…
