My Least Favourite Things

Inspired by this thread, it seems only fair we present its antithesis.

I’ll start.

ahem

Asses on pantses that show off white knickers
Talkative drunkards excreting malt liquors
Loud cell phone ring tones of Snoop Doggy’s bling
These are the least of my favourite things

Bus rides with creatures that smell like old sausage
Shopping mall poseurs whose carts cause a blockage
Overweight beachgoers packaged with string
These are the least of my favourite things

When the dog crap
Lines the walkway
It just makes me mad
I would like to throttle their lazy-ass owners
And string them up by the nads!

bows

Your turn. It needn’t be in prose.

butterscoth and spam

Brussel sprouts and mosquitos.

Obligatory reference to my website.

sorry. i couldn’t resist

Wow, the prose sure got thrown away quickly. I appreciate the effort, too.

I’ll echo the butterscotch thing from my dad. I don’t know why anyone buys Werther’s Originals. When did Werther’s New Flavor come out? Does it not taste like fried vole scrotum?

I don’t think that word means what you (and the OP) think it means.

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list
Of people who annoy me and might well be underground,
And who never would be missed–who never would be missed!
There are models who weigh 90 pounds and tell you that they’re fat,
Biographers who claim to own a subject just like that,
People in the Shop-Rite blocking aisles with their carts,
All sitcoms using plots that try to warm our little hearts,
And chiropractors who treat AIDS by giving you a twist–
They’d none of them be missed–they’d none of them be missed.

CHORUS
She’s got them on the list–she’s got them on the list,
And they’ll none of them be missed–they’ll none of them be missed.

There’s the lawyers who claims verdicts all depend on what’s your race,
They’ve really got me pissed–I’ve got them on the list!
And people who smoke cigarettes and puff 'em in your face;
They never would be missed–they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who talks out loud with shrill and strident tone
On all commuter busses in their bloody new cell phone!
And the stout commuting lady who goes trudging down the street
With a business suit above but great big sneakers on her feet;
Jim Carrey, Robin Williams and all manic humorists;
I don’t think they’d be missed–I’m sure they’d not be missed.

CHORUS
She’s got them on the list–she’s got them on the list–
And she don’t think they’d be missed–she’s sure they won’t be missed!

Religious politicians who just now are rather rife–
Especially Baptists–I’ve got them on the list!
Who get into the Congress and then try to rule your life;
They’d none of them be missed–They’d none of them be missed!
Pretentious actors who insist their name is said “Rafe Fines,”
All critics who choose books that show up in The New York Times,
New Jerseyites who decorate their lawns with plastic gnomes,
And balding men who glue long strands of hair upon their domes–
But it doesn’t really matter who you put upon the list;
For they’d none of them be missed–they’d none of them be missed!

People who hork up, and then spit so loudly
Leaving the sidewalk all slimy and cloudy
Assholes who drive bad, both speeding and swerving
Can’t we be civil, it’s so darned unnerving?

Idiots who don’t leave me a number
On their phone message, oh, can’t they under–
Stand, I can’t call them back today or tomorrow
If stupid was sadness, then there is great sorrow

When the phone rings
When the email dings
More spam and stupidity
Not some of my favourite things!