The Big List of Things that Suck

The BBQ Pit
1

The Big List of Things that Suck

Having just written a good sized paper in record time only to find my professor canceled class without telling anyone, I came home pissed at myself for waiting to the last minute, and pissed at him for not using the damn listserve. So here I sit, a bottle of Dewar’s in one hand and my blind, aimless ire balled up in the other. Actually, I’m only mildly angry about it, it was my fault, but I can either vent these feelings in a creative format or use them to bludgeon my roommates into quivering masses of tender, purple flesh. Seeing as they are still healing from yesterday’s excessive phone bill incident, here goes with The Big List of Things that Suck: A check list of all that is mediocre, malign, unjust, corrupt, or just plain stupid in a 21st century world of sin and sorrow.

Feel free to add your personal contributions, or point out any of mine that you find offensive, juvenile, or sacrilegious. The only limitation is that each item must suck presently. Things that used to suck like Acid Wash Jeans or the USSR are not acceptable choices. Answers must also be figurative not literal, so no go on Vacuum Cleaners, Blow Jobs, or Black Holes either.

56k Dial-Up
80’s Revival
Acid Rain
ADD Over-diagnosis
Air Travel
American Hegemony
Ann Coulter
Anthrax
Antibiotic Overuse
Antonin Scalia
AOL/Time Warner
Ariel Sharon
Authoritarianism
Avril Lavigne
Biblical Literalism
Big Brother
Bill O’Reilly
Brown Nosers
Catholic Clergy Sex Scandals
Censorship
Charlton Heston
Cigarettes
Computer Viruses
Conspicuous Consumption
Corporate Fraud
Country Music
Crack Cocaine
Crown Prince Abdullah
Deadbeat Dads (or Moms)
Depleted Uranium Shells
Dick Cheney
DMCA
Dogmatic Atheism
Don Imus
Donald Rumsfield
DRM
Drug War, The
Duke Basketball
Economic Protectionism
Fission Reactors
Fossil Fuels
Fox News
Friendly Fire
Fundamentalism
Ghettos
Glass Ceiling, The
Global Warming
Gun Violence
GW Bush
Hate Crimes
Heritage Foundation, The
High School Shootings
HMO’s
Human Cloning
IMF
Iranian Clerical Jurists
Israel
Ja Rule
Japanese Whalers
Jingoism
John Ashcroft
John Mayer
John Snow
Julia Roberts
Karl Rove
King Hussein
Laissez Faire Capitalism
Lakers, The
Legacy Support
Lite Cream Cheese
Martha Stewart
McDonalds
Michael Savage
Microsoft
MOAB’s
Morbid Obesity
Movie Theater Prices
Mubarak
New Christian Right, The
NHS
NRA
Osama bin Laden
Palladium
Planned Obsolescence
Poaching
Political Corruption
Pollution
Pop Music
Racism
Religious Fanaticism
RIAA
Rush Limbaugh
Saddam Hussein
Samuel Huntington
Schedule I Marijuana
School of the Americas
Scientific Creationism
Sean Hannity
Shark Fin Soup
Social Inequality
Sprint PCS
Star Wars Prequels
Strip Mining
Supply Side Economics
Sweatshops
Teen Pregnancy
Terrorism
Third World Debt
Tobacco Lobby, The
Trendy Malt Liquors
Trolls
War on Terror, The
Waste
White Trash
World Bank, The
Yankees, The
Yasser Arafat

2

All three Eddie Murphy movies so far this year.

3

Telemarketing. You forgot telemarketing.

And raspberry-flavored iced tea.

4

56k Dial-Up
A lot of places can’t be wired for broad band…56k is better than nothing

Acid Rain
Helps to cover the ozone holes.

Country Music
Agreed

Lite Cream Cheese
Mmmm lite…less fat…mmmm
Martha Stewart
My list

Moist Towels after you get out of the shower
Prune Juice
Having stubs for legs
Rabid Bears ravaging a crowded subway
Muggers
Dysentary
People who arn’t funny but think they are

There’s a curtailed list

5

Didn’t mean Martha Stewart…just forgot to cut her out

6

Oh, I forgot:

Robert Mugabe

And, er, post padding.

7

Being broke. :frowning:

8

Clamato

9

You got Bill O’Reilly but missed Geraldo Rivera? Shame.

10

People who are willfully ignorant,and hurtful.
Pregnant women who quit smoking for the health of their baby,but then take it up again.
Manipulative females who sleep with all of their ex’s friends they possibly can, rub it in the ex’s face,and then try to break up the friendships.
Manipulative women (or men) who use sex to control their significant other.
People who only care about themselves,and what they want,even to the detriment of their lover’s health and sanity.

11

Rain in your shoes
Roommates who ignore the “If you take a cold pop out of the fridge, put a warm pop in to replace it” rule. The only freaking ironclad rule in the house besides “No killing the cat”!

12

Having really long legs and never being able to find pants in the store.

13

Or, being very short and the pants are always too long.

14

So, maybe you two should get together and exchange pants?

15

My vacuum-cleaner sucks because it doesn’t.

16

I like Avril. I guess you’d have to add Biggril to the list of things that suck now.

I’d like to add:

[ol] []This years Mid-Atlantic never-ending winter. []Mass transit fare increases. []Unspayed 7 month old kittens. []Rent[/ol]

17

Guess that rules out yo’ momma then.

Sorry, just couldn’t help myself…

18

Playing Lacrosse in the Snow

Michigan

Snow

Snow in Michigan

You get the idea…

oh, and

Sparse Availablility of Loincloths

19

Questions, stupid, from co-doesn’t-work-er
Underwear with holes
Vampires
X-files, the last two seasons
Zippers that get stuck

Just to complete the list.

Makes it tidier.

20

Prostitutes
Vaccum Cleaners
New Orleans Saints
City of Memphis, Tennessee
Jim Carrey
Politicians
Insurance
Insurance salesman
Barking dogs
No alcohol beer
Warm beer
De caffinated coffee
Cold coffee
Rap
Melissa Ethridge
Donny and Marie
John Travolta
Jimmy Carter
Hillary and Chelsea Clinton
Monica lewinski (literally)
American foreign policy
Having no money
Oprah
Dr Phil
Most rich people
Retail
My parents
Square dancing
Morning radio
Having to pee in the middle of the night
Nightmares
Wife says no to sex
Starving children
War
Korn
Nebraska Football
So much other shit.