[ul]
[li]The oceans: It seems like some cosmic fucking joke that this vast source of water is something that we can’t drink. What the hell? And before someone starts with some Uber-geek explanation of how salty oceans are needed in the Earth’s temperature range to maintain liquid water or some shit, let me point out that it would at least be nice if we could drink salt water. Let me further point out that I don’t care what you have to say about it, it still pisses me off. [/li]
[li]And speaking of salt, why is it so delicious and yet bad for us.[/li]
[li]And speaking of things that are delicious and bad for us, why is it that basically everything that is yummy gives you a fat ass and then kills you? [/li]
[li]People that walk or drive at the exact wrong speed: You know who they are. They are moving just a bit more slowly than you want to be, but fast enough that getting past them is a pain in the ass and disruptive (and half of them speed up as you try to get past).[/li]
[li]People in large vehicles that pull way up when you are in the right lane and want to turn right: You can’t see past them to see if it is safe to turn without pulling on to the crosswalk.[/li]
[li]People in cars that pull onto the crosswalk when I am walking.[/li]
[li]The fucker behind you in the right lane who starts honking because you won’t turn right on red because some bastard in a big vehicle has pulled all the way up and you can’t see if it is safe to turn.[/li]
[li]That guy that hangs outside of my local PCC (a local tofu and lawn-clippings grocery store) playing the guitar. I want to bitch-slap him.[/li]
[li]Panhandlers.[/li]
[li]Underage punks that try to bum cigarettes from me.[/li]
[li]Dickheads that weave in and out of traffic as I am commuting: While it is nice for you to get one or two whole cars ahead of me, I still see you at the next red light and I can also see everyone slowing down as you pass (thus creating more congestion) because you are obviously not in control and a potential danger to everyone around you. [/li]
[li]Hot chick on motorcycles: They make my pants feel too tight.[/li]
[li]People that hold the door for you when you are far enough away that you have to jog up to the door so that you are not inconveniencing them: I know that you are trying to be nice, but you are adding hassle to the world. Move the fuck on, I will tackle the daunting task of opening the beshitted door myself. [/li]
[li]People that open a new thread about the media pimped topic de jour when there are already 5 threads in every single forum covering every single aspect of the topic: I am sure that you think that you somehow offer a unique perspective and that if you post to one of the 600 page blathering monstrosities on the topic that somehow the jewel-like wisdom that you bring to the table will be lost, but you are wrong. So sorry. [/li]
[li]People that get all pissy when I have to tell them that the software that I support can’t do something. I don’t have some Jack-secret work around for you that I am refusing to share. Also, you are an ass.[/li][/ul]
You just need to develop a taste for things that are yummy and won’t kill you. I know Buddhist monks who do amazing things with bean curd and asparagus, for instance (one of those things being to make it look, taste, and smell like meat 
).
Don’t get me started on vegetarians who make bean curd look and taste like meat. It’s not right. I’m a non-cannibal, you don’t see me trying to make pork taste like “long pork”, do ya?
Just for good measure… Broken cable modems that get replaced by cable modems that are broken, just in a different way, can go piss off.
How about panhandlers who open the door to the ATM lobby for you? You gotta squeeeeze past them to get into the bank, and then you gotta squeeeeze by them to get out again. And they know I have money on the way out! Some of them even make this fucking speech about how they’re homeless and they’re unemployed, so they “volunteer to open the door for people.” I don’t need this fucking service! I’m not going to pay one penny for it! I can open the damned door my own fucking self! Get out of my way so I don’t feel beholden to you!
Also, people who you meet online who call you once, say they’ll call again, and then never do. I yearn to hear the words, “Sorry, I don’t think this will work out.” Passive rejection is so lame.
[QUOTE=Binarydrone]
[li]Underage punks that try to bum cigarettes from me.[/li][/QUOTE]
Was at the bus terminal the other week, and yeah, I know it’s dumb to smoke at the bus terminal, but normally I don’t really mind if a stranger comes up and bums a cigarette. Especially when I can see they really want a cigarette. But these three kids - and I’m starting to feel old, I guess, because high school students really look like children to me - ask me for smokes.
Number one: you come up in a group of three? You think I’m going to just supply cigarettes to your entire fucking posse? What’s next, should I hand them out at the doors to your high school?
And number two: you’re little fucking kids! I said to them, “What are you, fourteen?” And the leader responds: “Man, I’m fifteen,” as though that makes all the difference in the world. Look, if you don’t have your secondary sexual characteristics yet, then no, I’m not giving you a cigarette. And if you come up in a little group, I’m certainly not giving you any cigarettes. Taxes just went up on them - they fucking cost money. Plus, I know you’re not a smoker, kid. Maybe you sneak out behind the gym at lunch time, but you ain’t a smoker. People give out cigarettes as a courtesy because we know that it sucks to be hurting for a cigarette. We don’t do it because we’re independently wealthy and would like to subsidize the world’s addictions. I’m not giving a cigarette to someone whose balls haven’t dropped because I know you don’t need it. Folks give away cigarettes because we know people need them, not because some little kid wants to look cool or something.
Bitches.
Engywook you don’t just peel off a 20 for those poor unfortunates? How hard hearted of you!
Word. Yesterday, I was lighting up as I left the library and some little child hit me up. When I said “there is no way you are old enough” he offered me a dime! As if that would somehow balance the fact that he was asking me to contribute to the corruption of a minor. Shit, if he had only offered me a quarter I would have offered to buy him booze!
This is the kind of thread I need right now. I was in Montreal last weekend and I really want to go back up this weekend to see someone (because it could be the last time for a loooong time). I was being persuaded to make arrangements to go and WHAM I get sick when I wake up today. I’m feeling better as the day goes on but not 100%, but maybe just enough to suck it up and go so I can see the guy. The icing on the cake? I can’t find anyone to cover my shift for Saturday.
I’ll make that it’s own paragraph even - I like working where I do but it is impossible to find coverage! I’ve left pathetic voicemails for several people in the hopes that they’ll call back. And yknow what? I really shouldn’t be going away. I would not be any fun for 7 hours in a car. Hell, I especially wouldn’t want to kiss me in this condition. But gahhh not finding coverage is just a slap in the face on top of it all.
I hate being sick on vacation.
I hereby pit the weather we’ve been having the past two days.
I love snow. Having lived in Texas all my life, I haven’t really had a chance to grow to loathe it like most people. When I was offered the job here in Oregon, I jumped at the chance, because I figured I was practically guaranteed enough snow to make me hate it.
But NOOOO… THIS year has to be the warmest, driest winter they’ve had in a long time. Last year they got three feet of snow in one storm- the most we’ve had this year has been about three inches, which only lasted a few days at most.
And now… the past two days we’ve had nearly continuous snow, at times very heavy. But the temperature’s about 40 degrees- so it’s melting as soon as it hits the ground. What’s more, it’s actually helping to melt what little snow is on the ground from this morning (before the temp rose above freezing).
I just KNOW that, when the temperature starts to drop, it’ll stop snowing, just like it did last night.
I still haven’t gotten to build a snowman, dammit!
Binarydrone, you just earned my vote for emperor of the world.
Let me add to the list of peeves: people who constantly drink beer other people have bought but never cough up for anyone but themselves.
Excellent! I was looking for an “Icy Left Hand of Binarydrone” type.
FYI, beer moochers will be one of the first up against the wall, once I rule the world.
Binarydrone, I agree with every single word you said. Except hotchicks on bikes don’t make my pants too tight. Generally.
Also, I would like to add that I do not live in So Cal so I can freeze my ass off at the end of March. It’s Spring! It’s time for the fucking sunshine, not my heavy coat!
I pit my co-worker, who is Just Too Perky.
I wasn’t in a very good mood yesterday. I was polite and professional and capable of doing my job and everything, I just wasn’t leaping around going, “Yay! It’s Wednesday!”
My co-worker, whom I don’t much care for anyway, immediately started in on me:
“Smile, Glassy!”
“It can’t be that bad!”
“Man, you’re so mopy today!”
“I can’t be the only one here in a good mood!”
I suppose she may have thought that she was cheering me up, but for the love of God, if anything more spectacularly fails to cheer up a person in a bad mood than yapping at them like a fox terrier on crystal meth, I don’t know what it is. Finally I told her to leave me the hell alone. Her eyes got all big and sad and she slunk away and complained about me to someone else.
Stupid co-worker.
If it makes you feel any better, I read a lovely review of the literature in Science a couple years back, and the conclusion they came to was that there was no real evidence that salt affects blood pressure in anyone with normal kidney function (99.9% of the population). All of the studies that showed a link between salt and blood pressure used fatty, meat-heavy, high-salt diets on one group and veggie, low-fat, low-cal, low-salt diets on the other group - which suggests that high fat and low vegetable intake are probably big contributors to the results. The one study that did it properly showed no connection between salt and blood pressure.
mischievous
Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.
(Yeah, we all know someone had to say it.)
My peeve is also the weather. We had a great tease, then slammed back in the snowing deep freeze. Bite my frozen white bum, Mother Nature.
I’m still pissed off about people quoting entire OPs.
Beyond that, I haven’t really got the energy right now to be bothered by much of anything else.
Here I rant on the fact that the large golf-type umbrellas that offer the most protection from the rain never have hooks or straps, so there’s no convenient way to hold one when you have to use both your hands to carry something else.
Hey, I just thought of something.
This dumb bitch, who I don’t even like (and she knows it, too) and who I haven’t seen in years, shows up at my house out of fucking nowhere because, apparently, That Guy (room mate and stuff) is, like, friends with her? Related to her? I don’t know and, really, it doesn’t matter because I fucking can’t stand this bitch. Anyway, so she shows up out of nowhere and for absolutely no reason other than to spread gossip (e.g. “I heard [guy that everyone in the room knows] has AIDS!”, exact quote, I swear). So she plops down on my couch and asks That Guy for a cigarette after having been here for about three seconds, which tells you how long it’s been since she’s been around (or sober enough to remember anything, because I heard she shoots heroin :rolleyes: ) because That Guy quit smoking when I was pregnant and my son is almost two. Did I mention I really hate this bitch? I like parentheses, though.
And then she asked me for a cigarette. What I really wanted to do was rip her face off and slap her with it but I offered her a dismissive wave and said, “Meh. Whatever.” And then I proceeded to roll my eyes at every single thing she said because, really, who gives a shit? Yeah, I know, but I’m totally nonconfrontational. Well, mostly.
And, on top of all that, she uses fucking Baby Talk. There is a special place in hell for people who use Baby Talk.
People who jam up entire parking lots waiting for a spot to empty near the store. You lazy fucks. People have places to go besides you, you know. It wouldn’t hurt your lazy ass to walk from the back of the parking lot to the front! And if it would, you could apply for the handicap parking permit. Otherwise, I will assume you’re just a lazy fuck.
[*] People who go, “Sorry, I don’t think this will work out, I’m starting to see someone,” when you invite them for coffee. Um, what?