Over the years I, in common with many other members of this message board, have occasionally enjoyed small fragments of several of your postings here, sorry no cites.
People speak highly of your many fine qualities, which shine like a glow-worm illuminating the dark and mean streets of a city at sleep in the uneasy pre-dawn hush. That said, it pains me to be the instrument of your fall from grace but, with the heaviest of hearts, I know it must be done. I entreat you to stop posting about matters of which you know nothing. In this thread which discusses the effects of unfathomable slowness in today’s society you say, and I quote:
This critique is given to us in post #5, if anybody is counting. When challenged on this revisionist view of Slowness, you follow up with this so-called pearl of wisdom:
This is the essence of post #13, in case anybody who is counting has lost count. It is also quite the most pompous piece of virtual bio-sophistry it has ever been my misfortune to read.
Such wild assertions cannot be allowed to pass unchallenged. I put it to you that the Old Slowness is far superior in both form and content to Slowness Nouveau, the dubious merits of which you espouse with such ill advised grandiosity. Your disdain for the Old Slowness does you no favours, and is effectively addressed by a short but necessary tour of the history of the planet on which we live (probably Earth). I give you 3 clear examples in support of my esoterically superior appreciation of all things slow:
(1) The Paleozoic Era
This is probably the finest example of majestic gradualism in the history of pre-mankind. It dawdled along in true Pre-Renaissance fashion for about 300 million years. That’s not only slow, it’s old as well. Old Slowness sans pareil, if you prefer.
(2) The Hundred Years War (England v. France)
This fine example of medieval lassitude actually came in 16 years over budget. Enough said, I think. Just thinking about it gives me a frisson of mesmeric ennui.
(3) Barry Manilow Concerts
OK, so they only last about a week but sometimes we have to ignore the duration and appreciate the finer points, such as their inherent abstractionism, opaque periods of sheer andante, and unspeakable troughs of incomparable languidity.
I urge you most strongly to recant your heretical views and return to the fold of traditional thinking which, as I think you must realise by now, is your spiritual second home. If you ignore this plea I will personally see to it that you are confined to the Slowness equivalent of the Salon des Refusés. There you will face a bleak and soulless future writing abstruse and unwanted criticisms on the works of other detractors of the Old Slowness, not excluding others of your ilk on this message board who think the New Slow is the new Old Slow.
Do not for one instant contemplate this shabby and unedifying dénouement to your life’s endeavour. Come back and join me. Bask in the approval of your peers and rejoice in the warm glow that only blind subservience to the status quo of Slow can obtain. Don’t have your good name forever enshrined in the annals of history as the man who did for Slowness what Britney Spears did for the undergarment industry.
I look forward to your quick reply.