In an attempt to keep aynrandlover’s “Communism, Economics, and Planet Earth” thread in GQ and off the route to the Pit via GD, I have decided to take Libertarian’s “general questions” and answer them here. Why? I dunno. I guess the sarcastic answers are less of an effort than having to waste valuable office goof-off time in coming up with analytical answers. Which I would do if I felt they deserved such answers.
Just to set the tone.
Beet juice, borscht, and rice kasha. Oh wait, borscht is beet juice. Doesn’t matter, three items on the menu look better than two. Much more choice.
Sugar-free beet juice.
Yes. We’ll televise it weekly, with special daily broadcasts on Passover and Hanukkah, and call it Humiliate the Cosmpolite Conspiracy.
Of course. But only as long as His Holiness’ flesh holds out.
They’ll be on the TV show I mentioned earlier. Alternative lifestyles are a bourgeois corruption of proletarian mentality.
Whatever we can make out of the handful of recycled clothing scraps we have on hand. But those tuxedos we expropriated from Bill Gates in the name of the people are off-limits. We need those for state dinners celebrating the fulfillment of last year’s production norms.
Maoism is a Trotskyist deviation and possession of anything symbolic thereof will be punishable by ten years’ deprivation of freedom followed by sixteen years hard labor tailoring the handful of scraps we issue for the annual fashion dictates.
Of course. They will be converted into tailor shops for those imprisoned for possession of Maoist artifacts.
You ever see the commercial with the hot babushka saying “Is next - beach wear! Very nice”?
Separate bathroom and kitchen, five bedrooms (one for each family), with small fold-out beds and large wall-to-wall bookcases to hold the complete works of Lenin, Marx, and Engels.
You will both be in violation of the five-year energy consumption norms. Report immediately to Tailor Shop Branch #6573 and start sewing.
Americans think a good education is reciting pi to the 100,000th place from memory. Islam holds the ability to recite large sections of the Qur’an as a high academic standard. We do it one better. Anyone able to recite Lenin’s What is to be Done? and the Communist Manifesto in their entirety both forwards and backwards will be guaranteed a lifetime membership in the Party.
If you violate the energy consumption norms like you threatened to earlier, your son will learn agriculture very quickly at any one of the numerous grain collectives we will construct in Iowa.
Socialism values the family and strongly supports the bond that forms when parents educate their children. If you denounce your wife when you’re caught violating the energy consumption norms we can arrange to have you and your son at the same collective in Iowa.
Under socialism the proletariat won’t get sick. If you do, it’s because you’re still susceptible to bourgeous influences and we’ll have to heal your mind before we can let the body heal itself.
We’ll get you a referral for your eyes once you’re certified for release from the curative re-education facilities.
The best health insurance under socialism is a Party membership card. For those kidney patients unable to obtain one, we recommend a sharp reduction in beet juice intake so as to ease the burden of kidney function.
The problem of who will benefit from socialist society and who will need to work in order to build it has long troubled the socialist thinkers of the world. How to separate out those whose intellectual abilities are more suited to constructing socialism than to enjoying its fruits? Lenin said on more than one occasion “To correctly solve the problem, one must seek out and grasp the weakest link.”
We have already begun our work.
