Lies my __________ told me

I almost started a pit rant about this, but after some thought decided it was sadder than anything else, so here it is.

Yesterday I talked to my ex-wife. She had promised to stop by Saturday to bring The Boys some new shoes. As is usually the case she didn’t show. So anyway she tells me: “I would have been there, but someone stole my purse”. If this had been anyone else, I could accept that as a circumstance beyond their control, but not her. Know why?

Well this is the 5th time her purse has been stolen in the last year. I was nice; I didn’t call her on it, but come on. If you going to lie to me, at least try to come up with something new. I mean geez; a rash of purse snatchings centered on one person has to be newsworthy right? Must be some weird statistical anomaly.

She had a much better excuse the last time she was supposed to pick up The Boys for a visit, but didn’t show or call. Three days later she called and said: “I couldn’t get to a phone.” Really. Where were you the Australian Outback, the Moon, in a cave somewhere? Surely you were in a coma, or tied up by ninjas who tortured for days right?

I’m an adult, I’m used to people lying to me. But please don’t insult my intelligence, or at least if you do, put some freaking effort into it.

Well, mine isn’t a pit-worthy rant (as yours, quite understandably, is), but my dad used to do the same thing–tell the most ridiculous lies and expect us to believe them (and get downright pissy when we didn’t)!

I always wondered how smart he thought I was…

Case in point: When I was in college, my mom and dad visited me in Atlanta. One evening, they took me and my roommate out to dinner, and then we went back to their suite at the Residence Inn to hang out with them for awhile.

At around 9 pm (just as my roommate and I were thinking we’d head back to campus), my dad left the hotel room, and came back bearing toothbrushes. For me and my roommate. He explained that we wouldn’t be able to get back to campus until morning, because he’d just spoken to the Head of Security at the hotel, and the parking lot was officially locked for the night. No cars would be allowed out.

So OK, despite the completely faulty (nay, whack-ass) logic in a hotel (a national chain, no less) “locking” its parking lot at 9 pm (on a Saturday night, no less) and preventing its guests from driving anywhere after that hour, my roommate and I played along (figuring that maybe Dad was just feeling to tired or lazy to drive us anywhere).

We told him we’d just take the train back to campus.

That’s when he informed us that the HOTEL had been locked for the night, too, which meant that nobody could leave, with or without a car. :rolleyes:

Keep in mind I’m in COLLEGE, now (and no, I’m not some child prodigy who went to college at age 4)…

At that point even my MOM had to point out the utter futility of attempting to sell such a lie…

…but then my dad just got all indignant about it, so we stayed the night (he lent us his pajamas).

Anyway, Stuffy, I do hear you about the insult to intelligence, even if my dad was not as annoying as your kids’ mom sounds!

If it’s any consolation, my SISTER seems to be carrying on my father’s noble tradition…

…only she uses “the gift” to try to extort money from us. :rolleyes:

The lies my mother told me may seem sort of superficial, but, on the other hand they were pretty damaging in a long term kind of way. When my twin and I were little children, she told us we were big boned (we were very average sized!) and would never have a chance of being thin or wearing certain types of clothing. Our necks, she said, were very short and we would look terrible in long hair or with long earrings. We had olive skin (we’re actually kind of fair skinned for people with dark hair and eyes) and should never experiment with hair color because it would look ridiculous. You know she’s a style free, drab sort of troll herself and was willing trolldom on my sister and me. Why would she want to mess with out self-esteem that way? I’m 38 and not over it yet.

I should mention that there’s nothing wrong with being all those things I mentioned. It’s wrong to tell someone they are limited by thosse things when it’s not true.

That sucks Carrici that someone would like to you that way. At least with the ex, it really is only affecting her relationship with The Boys. I more or less expect her to lie to me, I just get tired of hearing the same ones. Anybody know of an “excuses” website I could direct her too :smiley:

My wife’s father “went walking” when she was about 6 and her sister was about 11. Never heard from him again.

Now we have kids, and the sister in law has kids about 3 years older. The oldest one asked where her mommy’s father was.

They told her that he died.

Now we are stuck either sticking to her story and lying to our own kids, which we ain’t gonna do, or telling them the truth, and having them think their Aunt is a liar. Me and the wife certainly tell some fibs to the kids (such as we can’t go to the movie because it’s closed), but something that big, no way.

Thanks for tying our arms, there, sis’.

Abe Babe, this sounds like a situation where you have to call the SIL a liar, but in a very careful way.

When I was 12, my Mom told me that masterbating was illegal…

But I was in the changing room at Sears at the time… :smiley:

** Kidding!, I’m kidding!**

My boss lies to me about everything. He’ll make up a story on a whim as he sees fit. Half the time they’re just so stupid, it’s insulting. I swear he’s pathological…I cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth, about anything. For example, 2 months ago the assitant manager at a downtown store went on a leave of absence. He went on vacation to Mexico. I asked Alex where he was…“Oh, his wife has cancer, he has to stay by her bed.” Why would you lie about someone else’s wife having cancer. Makes no sense at all.

And people wonder why Im looking for a new job…

My Dad told me that since I wasn’t as smart as my sister, there was no reason for me to go to college. But since I was prettier, I should have no problem finding a husband to take care of me.:mad:

My Mom told me those twisty slimy things were noodles, but they were really chitlins a.k.a. the poop chute of a pig.:eek:

Abe Babe, what were the circumstances of his leaving? He wasn’t seen again, but was he heard from, or of? If not, then it could be possible that he died, sometime between then and now. Telling the kids he died would then be a kid-sized truth, to be expanded when they’re older.

Lied to. Not by a parent, but by my cousin, the optometrist who gave me my first eye exam and glasses. Before we left, he told me in ominous tones that if I broke this pair, I could never have a replacement. Hearing an edict from a relative of my dad’s was as good as hearing it from him; his family have one brain, like the Borg. Of course, I was foolhardy enough to tell this to my little girlfriends, and for months, anyone could get my cupcake, my seat on the bus, or just my submission, by threatening to steal/break my glasses.

My dad always told me that he would pick me up for scheduled parental visitation. He lied damn near every time.

Wow, this is a sad thread.

Abe Babe, are your kids old enough to understand that adults don’t always tell the truth? Are they old enough to understand why someone would really want to believe a lie than the too-painful truth?

I hope you can explain it to them in a way that will preserve their respect for your SIL while at the same time not advocating the lie.

Your SIL was wrong to put you in that position.

I should have said, “Are they old enough to understand why someone would really want to believe a lie instead of the too-painful truth?”

Lying does no one anygood. You will always be found out. I have no idea why people do it…

[sub]Lies my ex-wife told me[/sub]

“If you’ll just sign this quit-claim deed, I’ll be able to sell the house more easily, and then I’ll give you half the equity.”

Of course she kept all the money and left the state. But the good news was: She left the state! woot!


On a slightly more light-hearted note:
My mother used to tell us not to stick our hands out of the car windows while the car was moving. This was due to one of several factors:

  1. Local insect life. If a bug hit our hand while the car was in motion, it’d be going fast enough to go right through our hand! :eek:
  2. The structural instability of the wrist itself. Our hands could just fall off from the wind caused by the car’s motion!
  3. She didn’t say anything about Opal.

We were also not allowed to touch the floor plants in the house or the doctor’s office, because they were apparently deadly Poisonous House Plants of the Amazon River Basin, and one touch would be enough to leave us paralyzed (or worse…), at least until the next day.

(More seriously, though, I also got the ‘you’re big-boned and you’ll never be skinny’ speech when I was younger. Years later, my father realized that he was projecting his insecurity about his weight onto us kids and changed his behavior… but it’s rough, being told by one of your parents that you’ll never be something you so devoutly want to be.)

I have a good friend named Ted. He’s on the whole quite honest, but tends to exaggerate. Plus, he can’t stand being disbelieved and will layer his story with whatever he has to say or do to make it absolutely undeniably true.

One time we were with a bunch of friends talking about Urban Legends, and the story of the Kentucky Fried Rat came up. I said that every town that has a KFC is bound to have a fried rat story.

Ted says “Well, I know for a fact it happened in Jacksonville.”

I said, “Ted, I don’t doubt that you believe that’s true, but my point is that every town with a KFC has a fried rat story.”

“You don’t understand. I was there when it happened!”

He was being entirely serious, too. He wasn’t BSing. He didn’t later laugh and say he was pulling our legs.

I tried to change the subject with something like “Well, any way I…”


It almost got to the point where he practically said he was the one who caught the rat and threw it in the deep frier, but I told him I believed him instead.

Stuffy knows that my dad used to pull that garbage on me all the time and now my sons father is pulling it on him so I re-live alot of it through him and it’s so hard.

In may case I will probably never know who told the lies mom or dad.
Mom would say your dad is comming to get you get ready and dad would never show up and there I sat waiting on the steps with my over night bag packed until I fell asleep and my stepdad would carry me to bed.
Dad says he never did such a thing that it was mom playing mind game turning us against him.
Sad thing is that I can almost believe him with the way my mother is.

My husband will never really understand how what my son is going through effects me since his parents have been married all his life.

Stuffy you need to get back online so I can update you on what is going on with my sons sperm donor.
All the stuff he said to my husband was (I think) yet another lie since he still hasn’t bothered to call.
That and I am getting ready to finish my bathroom and I will be sending pictures to the wife. :smiley:
And you thought we were friends. Bwahahahahahaha!

My mom and dad told me our cat Mittens ran away when I was about 10 years old. I didn’t find out he was hit by a car until a couple years ago. This really upset me. Maybe that’s why they lied. :frowning: I remember looking for the cat…