Dude, awesome. Dad turning into his fish? Golden. I love it.
The concept of Simba’s kid being called Joe really amuses me, too.
Since Alex was old enough to remember, we have only occupied single-level dwellings. We need more space to accommodate his impending little brother though, so we were looking at townhomes yesterday. This particular one had a half bath (which, to my knowledge, he has never seen) on the main floor and, at that time, he didn’t yet realize there was a whole other level.
I told him we’d have to bathe in the toilet. The look on his face exceeded awesome.
There’s a hotel in town that had this yellow… thing… out front, but I don’t think it was really a part of the hotel itself. I don’t have any idea at all what it really was or why it was there or who it belonged to, but it was vaguely rocket ship shaped so I tried convincing him that it was my rocket ship and that we would go to the moon someday.
I think a part of him always knew I was full of it, but he played along anyway. We drove by the other day and he said “Hey Mom, your rocket ship’s gone.” When I gasped and expressed disappointment that I would have to find a new way to get to the moon, he said “That wasn’t a real rocket ship, you know.”
Oh. You don’t say.
When my daughter was 4, she watched a TV show that mentioned ghosts, and was terrified to go to sleep that night because she was convinced the ghosts would come and haunt her. So I convinced her that ghosts hate the smell of coconuts, and sprayed some coconut-scented air freshener around the room. Apparently coconut spray also repels zombies and vampires. She is now 8 years old, and insisted on watching “Twilight” with my niece just right now. I have my can of coconut spray ready, just in case.
Once when getting ready for a church Christmas play, I told some of the kids that Joseph invented aspirin.
I think I’ll weasel out of it next summer. I’ll say that I read in the paper that our asparagus truck is getting retired and replaced with an ice cream truck.
To get my son to eat his carrots, I told him he turned orange when he did. He thought that was beyond cool. He still humors me, though he knows better. After he eats his carrots, he’ll look at his arms and exclaim, “Mama Bear!* I’m orange! See! I’d better drink some milk to get brown again.”
To try to get my son to stop eating his boogers, I told him that it was illegal. Unfortunately, leading a life of crime doesn’t seem to stop him. He tells me they’re a snack. I try really hard not to pay attention because it seems to encourage him, but it’s one of the more disgusting things I’ve seen.
*My son has called me Mama Bear since his sister was born in November. I think it was originally to exclude her (he was Baby Bear, daddy was Papa Bear and the baby just went by her given name). The girl was finally let into the fold as Little Bear, but he still hasn’t called me Mommy voluntarily since her birth.
actually, I had a friend who turned orange from eating carrots - but she ate a LOT of carrots - like all day long as a snack while she was dieting. After a week of this - she was definitely a very orange color.
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The TV doesn’t work in the daytime, only at night. This worked until they were about 6 and 4.
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I can feel their pulse and determine if they’re lying or not, like a human lie detector. They believed this well into their teens (15 & 13). I had forgotten about it and said, “Remember how you believed that I could feel your pulse and tell if you were lying up until last year or so?” and they got a shocked look on their faces. I could have kicked myself.
I told them both that they talked in their sleep at night and answered all my questions so it was better to tell me the truth when they were awake than to make me stay up and question them while they were sleeping.
Worked for a couple of years 
I must be boring. The only lie I tell my kids consistently is to answer every “Are we there yet?” with “20 minutes.”
that’s awesome!
Not a lie told by me to anybody, but a lie told to my brother and I by our parents …
Every year our family had always celebrated everybody’s birthday at a single dinner party in the summer. Since my dad and his 2 brothers all lived in different states it worked out well. Everybody brought the presents for their person to the dinner, and we all opened them up after dessert.
For several years, from when I was probably 4 and my brother 6 until I was 8 and my brother 10 whenever we asked our parents how old they were, the answer was always 39 … we actually noticed [or my brother was playing along with my parents, I wouldn’t put it past him] the repeated year when I was 8. So then they turned 40. They tried pulling the 40 thing the next year and we called them on it.
About the time my mom turned 69, she decided she was never going to be 70 and started counting backwards =)
I told my daughter when she was about 6 that if I didn’t know another driver’s name, I would just make up a name for him.
“Hey you, Charlie!”
“Hey you, Fred!”
Of course, this explanation became necessary when she asked me, “Daddy, how did you know his name?” when I yelled,
“Hey! You dick!”
Is this asparagus truck inspired by the Far Side cartoon: failed marketing attempts?
(Picture of truck driving through neighbourhood with music coming out of loudspeaker and painted on the side, “I cuss. You cuss. We all cuss for asparagus.”
Just last week the subject of mosquitos came up. I told them that if they were to eat enough tobasco sauce, and a mosquito stung them and sucked their blood, the mosquito would then fly away and explode.
[Hey, I saw it work on TV, so it’s not really a lie, is it???]
Aw man, I’m so jealous! I cant wait to have a kid to lie to!
When I was little my mom convinced me that I was related to Abe Lincoln. I dont know HOW many people I have told that too since then… I swear I realized she was full of shit only like 5 years ago!
My wife and I decided early on, no lies to kids. We didn’t do Santa, but we did do the tooth fairy. I doubt if any of them didn’t realize it was a fiction. Another fiction: when our youngest’s fourth birthday came, we explained to him that would be no birthday celebration because it was impossible to be four years old and not be toilet trained. Took him five days to wise and on day 6 we had a cake and the usual celebration. But he understood that as a fiction. He doesn’t remember it happening, but is became part of family lore. Amusingly, his son will turn four in November and I think we are about to see a replay.
We never made much of an attempt to take pacifiers. When she was around four, my daughter, who used one to go to sleep, suddenly announced one night, "Eeuw, this tastes like old rubber, threw it away and never touched it again.
AFAIK, they never lied to us either, although my daughter made it clear that questions about her sex life were off limits, but she would not lie.
My Dad used to say that the pets went to their happy hunting grounds.
Deleted.
Thanks! Disney-related lies come easily to me.