What is the one thing you would have done differently that would have changed your path in life?
First: welcome.
I have long believed (and continue to do so) that a person’s choice of spouse is BY FAR the single biggest life-affecting decision you can make.
I chose poorly - the first time. And decades after the divorce it still affects my life.
I chose well the second time; 27 years and counting.
So my advice, and the answer to your question, is: don’t marry young.
I can’t really point at any specific single decisions that I would do-over differently.
There are lots of things I might not do the same way again- I wouldn’t stay at one job nearly as long as I did, I wouldn’t try so hard/stress out on a LOT of stuff I did when I was younger. I’d be more aware of my good points, and have more confidence across the board, etc…
None of them were point-in-time decisions- more like attitude adjustments or decisions that needed to have been made, but that never really came to a head, so to speak.
Second welcome.
As did I.
Welcome to the SDMB!
For me, I think it was the decision I made on what major to pursue in college.
From about age 6, to age 17, I had my mind made up on what I wanted to do when I grew up: I wanted to be a meteorologist (and, specifically, a television meteorologist).
But, when I started seriously looking at the college coursework for a degree in meteorology, I thought to myself, “That’s an awful lot of high-level math and physics,” and instead chose to major in business. (For the record, in grade school and high school, I always got excellent grades in math and physics.)
I’ve made a good career for myself – first in market research, and now in advertising strategy. My life would have been very different, had I pursued meteorology, but these days, I do often think that I might have wound up being happier if I’d become a meteorologist.
Have married the right person when she showed up in the year 2018. Instead I frittered away the relationship and let her slip away.
Have learned to read Chinese much earlier, in childhood.
Third welcome. And I chose poorly too, the first time. The second made up for it, thankfully.
I don’t know if it comes down to a singular choice, but maybe trying harder not to flunk out of college would’ve resulted in a significantly different life than the one I’ve led since.
Certainly, after I learned I was going to flunk out, I had a strong “everything’s going to be different from what I imagined” moment and it wasn’t a great time in my life, to be honest.
In my 20’s, I considered being an air traffic controller as an extension to my 5 years ATC experience in the Air Force, but changed my mind. I consider it a high stress career and had I followed through, I’d probably be dead now.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have applied for a job at my current employer just after being laid off in 2007 instead of in 2014. I would have skipped financial devastation, my spouse wouldn’t have suffered the physical damage from shorting himself on needed medication during the period we had no health insurance, and I could have skipped a shit-ton of stress and misery.
Would not have gone home early that day – and missed the hours with a violent, home-invading psychopath. I’m sure my path would have been far different had I stayed at work.
I was about to start a similar thread.
In the spring of 1990, I chose a programme which was focused on natural sciences for my last two years of secondary school. It made sense since I wanted to be an astronomer. Unfortunately, the physics teacher I ended up studying with was a grade A a******, a terrible pedagogue (using the term generously) and an absolutely despicable being.
After 6 months, I decided to change my life plans and chose to pursue linguistics. That meant moving to a completely new city where I didn’t know anyone because the closest university didn’t offer this programme. I arrived here at 17, completed my studies, started working, changed jobs, had several relationships of widely different durations and importance, finally got married, had two daughters, ended up divorcing, had another long-term relationship which also failed. I’ve lived here for 30 years now, almost twice as long as in my hometown.
So basically, my academic studies, all of my career path and the overwhelming majority of my love life were the indirect consequences of my putting a little “X” next to a secondary school programme more than 32 years ago.
I should have started writing science fiction years earlier.
In this timeline?
I guess it would be having sex at 16. I got pregnant. I love my daughter and can’t imagine not having her in my life, but my life would have been very different had I not had her. I lived at home with my parents (who were very supportive), I finished school, went to business school, and married her father. We’re still married 40 years later. We love each other but there have been some tough, rough patches along the way. I had wanted to be a veterinarian but thought it would be impossible to complete the schooling for that with a baby in tow. I probably could have done it, but at the time it seemed very daunting. I’m happy with the life I have, but I always wonder where I’d be now if that hadn’t happened.
My big life changing decision was to switch from chemistry to math. This was the result of an overheard conversation between two grad students in the lab I was working my way through college in. It certainly changed my life spent as a mathematician.
I would have bought the Poltergeist house the second time it was offered to me at the beginning of the pandemic. It was a lovely house. Great neighborhood. Short commute to work for Mrs. Charming and Rested and for me. Five bedrooms, including a nice au pair suite on the third floor. Great condition. It had everything we wanted, including a great school system. It was being offered for about 20% under market comps right about what we wanted to spend. But, the defining feature of the Poltergeist house was a giant tree (probably 5 or 6 feet in circumference and 60 or 70 feet tall) sitting about ten feet from the house. The canopy completely covered the house and some of those branches were 18" in diameter. The tree was healthy but one branch falling could have killed us as we slept. Local ordinances prohibit taking the tree down. So we passed and kept looking. Nothing we liked came up for months. Then, the Poltergeist house was relisted. At a lower price. The owner died before completing the sale and the original buyer didn’t want to wait for the estate to complete the sale. We passed on it again. Since then, houses in the area have moved up more than 30% and interest rates have roughly doubled. There is no real chance we are going to be able to buy a comparable house in that neighborhood for less than twice the monthly payment, and that’s just too much for us. It was a missed opportunity that probably won’t repeat itself. Que sera, sera. At least I have a comfortable home to enjoy now.
So did I, and it was the only time.
Actually I chose well, and the first 10 years were great. I chose poorly by not ending things early in the following 15 years.
I’ll echo choosing wisely in marriage. I was too young when I married the first time. My current wife and 2nd baby mama, has made all the difference in the world.
My biggest life mistake was not working harder on my marriage earlier. We’re still married, and we are okay now. But we’d be in a better place if i had been a better wife when we were in our 20s.
I wonder how my life would have turned out if I’d gone into medicine instead of becoming an actuary, but this has turned out pretty well.