Something I’m just learning now in mid-life is that memories are just stories we tell ourselves, they aren’t accurate records of what actually happened. I can choose to remember that I married the best guy on the planet and then it just didn’t work out but I still miss him every day or I can choose to remember that “just didn’t work out” actually means he was an abusive drug addict and losing him was a good thing. Both of those memories make me feel better in a different way, but neither of them is the whole story.
It’s up to me to decide what story I tell myself about my life.
I have learned that I absolutely wasn’t fat for the first 12 years that I thought I was (starting in junior high) . After that I was only “a little overweight”, but no where near “fat” for the next 10 yrs or so. Then I was fat for a while and now I’m back to being “a little over weight”.
It might sound superficial to some people, but I spent so much time not participating in activities and hiding my body and feeling ashamed when I had no reason to be. I can still remember specific events I didn’t go to because I would have to wear a swimsuit or I thought as person as fat as me would look stupid doing something like that. I’m not even sure why I thought I was fat, and I never thought my friends who were the same size were fat. I missed out on a lot.
Like the saying goes, I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
That life isn’t the destination, it’s the journey. I’ve spent so much time thinking that I’d be happy when x finally happens. I’m trying to remember that our time here is vanishingly short and I sure as hell need to focus on where I am now, not where I might eventually get to.
We make our own artificial barriers about what we can and can’t do.
When I was in high school I knew everything I was good at and everything I sucked terribly at. I was wrong.
It has been my experience in the intervening years that as long as you have a strong desire to learn something new and do your homework, it is not difficult to master a skill better than your average Joe. You might even do better, depending on your natural talent and hard work.
I had already decided at 18 that I would be forever terrible at foreign language and music, and both of these are key parts of my life now.
Today I know nothing about golf, but I’m certain that if I really wanted to learn to play, took lessons, and practiced diligently, I would be able to play well.
I wish I’d read this earlier in life, “Earn money from your hobby, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
And
“Never go to bed with someone crazier than you.”
What I wish I knew then what I know now? Let’s see…
It doesn’t have always have to be perfect, sometimes good enough is just fine.
You don’t need to please everyone all of time.
Just be yourself, not what others want you to be.
Make time for what’s important. No one ever looks back on their life and says “gee, I wish I spent more time working than spending it with friends and family.”
Spend more time with your grandparents/elders. They have a lot to share an they won’t be around forever.
Nobody gives a shit about you, or your problems, even tho they say “We give a shit about you or your problems.”
Never buy a lunch for friends.
When there’s no reason to cause trouble, other people will cause trouble.
The boss doesn’t want the truth. They want plausible denial.
It’s always "Hos before bros’ even when the bros say "Bros before hos’.
“The world loves a canting hypocrite”. (from Gore Vidal)
Keep a sock in it-always!
I like this one. There’s a related one that I probably can’t express accurately… something like … the truth is different to different people. They can both be right at the same time.
oh dear, that’s awful. the same narcissist? or a different one? (Sorry, a little off topic but I’m curious. Maybe we’ll need a separate thread on narcissism)
This universe is an uncaring and amoral place. It owes you nothing and you owe it nothing. If you can wrest happiness from it, at any point, then cherish it. Revel in that happiness.
No, two different narcissists. Another thing I’ve learned: the lesson will continue to come to you until you learn it, but it will be wearing different clothes.
I got this lesson from my dad just before I moved to the city to finish college. Like some of the other sound bytes I got from him, this one applied in a much broader sense and it took me a while to see the bigger picture and attribute to him more wisdom than I did at the time.
His words were, “Son, you might want to stop carrying a gun around with you when you get there. There’s a lot of people there that’ll give you a reason to use it.”
I got the immediate message. Over the next few years, I got the intermediate lesson about how shitty people were capable of being to each other. Then, gradually, I got the bigger message: most of the things that I would take offense to at 18 really weren’t worth bothering about.
I take too many of these sometimes, then I feel abashed later. There’s a very fine line between not being a doormat and actively being an asshole to other people, and some days I do better at finding it than others.
My lesson to my younger self - education is going to get extremely expensive - take a four-year degree in anything right out of high school instead of thinking you’ll get back to it some day. You won’t, and even if you want to, it will be like ten thousand times more expensive.
