I’m looking for big revelations that shook your world about human nature our your understanding of yourself.
I was originally going to limit this to what you learned through marriage/divorce but then decided that there are plenty of other life events that can trigger a change in your worldview.
For me, through my divorce, I learned:
[ul]
[li]I expect other people’s minds to work they same as mine, and they don’t. Not everyone feels the same amount of empathy for other human beings. My ability to see other’s viewpoints (a quality I held in high regard) also leaves me more vulnerable to manipulation from others.[/li][li]Making other people happy is not my job. [/li][/ul]
Yeah, I was a pushover, and I was married to a narcissist. At least I’ve gained some self awareness.
Pretty much like you said… don’t make assumptions … I really don’t know how someone else’s viewpoint/feelings…
SAVE some darn money starting young. This one is HUGE. Frack I wish I had that one to do over!
Don’t presume I’ll always have my health just because I run five miles a day and take all my vitamins and eat right blah blah blah
Don’t think my kids will outlive me… sadly sometimes they don’t… life doesn’t always turn out like you think it will.
Plan for the worst, HOPE for the best.
Listen to the wisdom of older people who seem to be successful, but remember in all things to be KIND … you just never know when you will need some kindness yourself.
Even in relationships, such as marriages or friendships or with family… remember again… be kind… because even if you find they are getting on your last nerve, or you just don’t seem to be on the same page, or the grass looks greener… there is a bond with people we once connected with or we are bonded to by blood or by a friendship once had… don’t leave with grudges or hard feelings… things happen. Life is fleeting… Sure it’s all maybe just a chance event, maybe not, I don’t know… but there is just something in life about being gracious and kind that nothing else can replace.
In high school particularly, I had lots of adults, including teachers, pushing me to do something “important” - whether that was winning a Nobel in science or in literature. They all said I’d be wasting my abilities doing anything less. I wasted a lot of effort and ignored a lot of options by trying to find a path that would let me change the world.
I don’t think anyone ever said “Find something you enjoy doing every day that will pay the bills. Find someone you love and settle down with them. Enjoy moderation.” And you know what? That’s really all I ever wanted. It’s not a bad thing to aim for second place.
I don’t have to let the things other people say and do hurt me. I can make choices about how I react, how I frame words and events in my own mind, and who I choose to let into my life.
Of course I’m talking here about emotional pain; physical pain is on an entirely different level.
A variant I heard on this theme: “The two most important choices you will make that will determine your level of happiness in life - what you choose to do for a living, and who you choose to live with.”
Also, pay attention to your inner voice - do not ignore it. It is telling you something important, and most of the time it is correct.
It may not be my fault, but it’s still my responsibility.
If I had recognized that a decade ago, college would have been a lot easier. I was very much in a ‘‘my childhood sucked therefore I am broken’’ mentality. I kept waiting for life to cut me a break, like it owed me something. I didn’t want to face the facts that like it or not, this was MY mess now, and I was the only one who could clean it up.
Things turned around once I accepted the fact that life is not fair, and eventually I figured out that’s okay too, because sometimes life is unfair in my favor.
Yes, me too: a pushover who married a narcissist, twice no less. I definitely learned these two the hard way but I got finally 'em. They are important. A corollary is that the world is full of people willing to take advantage of you if you let them.
The other thing I’ve learned is that “stuff” won’t make me happy. It’s nice to have nice things, but it’s easy to get caught up in wanting more and more nice things, to the point that you don’t appreciate any of those nice things any longer than it takes you to get them home from the store. And then you have to maintain them, store them, insure them, clean them, etc. Recent financial hardship has caused me to be much more selective about my purchases. There are far fewer of them and I enjoy them so much more now.
Life will often hand you justifiable opportunities to be an asshole. Deciding to ignore these is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for everyone else.
[You guys could probably phrase this better, but hopefully I got the idea across.]