This thread is great! i had wanted to try it, i wanted to know what to expect. In the reverse though (the guy being tied) what would the girl do? ( if this is too much of a hijack, mea culpa, i’ll start another thread)
I don’t know anything at all about this stuff, but I feel I must add this safety advice: check her circulation! If her hands or feet get cold to the touch or turn bluish, the bonds are too tight.
Well, all the sensational touching is still going to work. I’m a sub switch dom which means I prefer to be the one tied up - but I can work the other way when needed.
Guys who are first time bondage are usually aroused by the naughty - like the “no” zones some guys have for their sphincter. Circling around it can be quite stimulating - because they don’t know if you will actually go through with it or not! And they aren’t sure if they should “let” you or not.
For this reason - spread eagle is just as effective for guys as girls. The hot and cold are still incredibly sensational to men like women.
For example - I like to take a coffee mug and fill it with ice and water and sit a metal spoon in it. When the spoon has sat in it for a bit - i take a very few drops of the water and drop it say on their nipples - and then lightly rub the back of the spoon on their nipples.
Most men have no idea what that is and it’s very, very stimulating. Or try filling your mouth with warm water and then going down on him . . .
Also, if you have long hair, letting just the tips of your hair trail down his chest (after you have gotten the goosebumps and tiny hairs to already rise from other play) can be very exhilirating for both of you . . .
In my experience, your hands and feet will usually turn reddish and polka dotty first before they turn cold and blue. Mostly because the arousal factor adds heat and the bondage (like not giving quite enough slack when you are spread eagle) can cause tiny blood vessels to burst.
(For me, I felt the pain, but didn’t want to interrupt the play. Lesson learned when I had to walk around for 3 days with one hand looking like it had been slightly sunburned!)
I’m not quite sure either of us (my wife nor I) know what she would really like. I’ve asked, many times. I’ve asked her what she fantasizes about and I’ve asked her what kinds of things she would like different or to try. Her only response is usually that she wants me to initiate more. That’s it. I’ve tried gentle spanking but got no response. I’ve tried gently pinching the nipples and asked if she liked that and she said not especially.
The suggestions so far have been just what I needed. A small step into this that will tease and entice her, I’m sure. When I’ve tried stuff like this in the past, I haven’t actually tied her up but instead blindfolded her and made her keep her hands away. That way I could roll her over or put her in other positions and she seemed to enjoy that.
KneadToKnow I’d really like to know more, even if others call it TMI. Although at this point I don’t really know what else to ask. I’m going to have to keep ruminating about how I’m going to pull this off and I’ll have to take it from there. Thanks very much for your offer. I’ll certainly be back in touch for more info and advice.
Ignorance fought.
My safe word is “Jabberwocky”
C’mon, where else would you say that?
P.S.: Anybody free tomorrow night? 
A question… which vibrator should I get???
I remember the old “Joy Of Sex” (1970s edition) had a big section on mild bondage. They had a lot of stuff about safety - the safe word, making sure that anything you tie can be untied quickly and easily, absolutely nothing around the neck (no matter how lightly), no leaving someone tied up by themselves or when you go to sleep, etc. Seems sensible to me although I’ve never tried bondage (although some of the suggestions in this thread are quite interesting!).
A couple of recommendations they had:
For men being tied up, their partner can spin things out for a looong time, they had a section on “slow masturbation” which sounded pretty mind-blowing. They also suggested the woman tying her partner up and then making him watch while she masturbated.
For women they said something a bit in the other direction - really laying on the stimulation and “riding her as far and as fast as possible”. I dated a woman who was quite multiorgasmic and I think that she would have really enjoyed that since “More” was her watchword.
Be safe and have fun!
You need a safe word or phrase so that when she’s had enough or gets scared she can say it, at which point you will stop and untie her.
May I suggest “Oh god, this feels so good, please don’t stop” 
When I was buying my first vibrator - all my friends steered me to the jackrabbit - because it offered both clitoral and vaginal stimulation. This became my best friend for many years.
However, even your simple vibrator (the one that looks like a slim torpedo) can be a lot of fun in light bondage. Make sure to rub it over what you would assume to be “non-errogenous” places - like the soles of her feet - the backs of her toes - her legs - etc.
It can be quite distracting to leave the vibe somewhere - like under her bum (not in - she might not be ready for that) while you tease other places with feathers and such.
I don’ t know if she stays wet easily - but if not - then make sure to have some kind of lubricant if you plan to leave it in her vagina for a bit while teasing her.
When looking at a vibe - look for ones that have multiple settings - so that you can switch things up as you are teasing her. some of the twist knob - so it can vibrate from high to low. But the button models - with multiple vibration pattersn - are also interesting.
If she has a hard time expressing what she wants and doesn’t want - don’t focus your conversation on her. Ask her instead what movie or book aroused her - what things she thinks are “hawt” etc. She has to understand that if she wants you to just know, she is setting unrealistic expectations. But if she is willing to adventure with you - you guys will have a blast.
Have of the fun of light (or exploratory) bondage is figuring out what does and doesn’t work and laughing and enjoying while you play . . .
An ex of mine had a knife that was curved with the sharp part on the inside of the curve. Once while he had me tied up, he had me watch while he used the sharp edge to cut paper, then used the outer (dull) curve to trace all over my body. So it had an element of danger to it that really turned me on, but was actually quite safe.
I also loooooove having hot candle wax dripped on me, but I’ve also known subs who were into heavy flogging and whipping but who couldn’t stand hot wax. I definitely recommend trying it, but don’t surprise her with it the first time you do it, and just do a few drops first so she can decide if she likes it. If she does like it, you can play fire-and-ice. You have a lit candle, and a mug of ice. While she’s blindfolded, you sometimes drip hot wax, sometimes cold water from an ice cube. It’s pretty intense, in a good sort of way.
An anecdote about the “never around the neck” thing. I heard a story once where a girl was tied up to a vertical beam in the basement, with a light chain wrapped around and around her and the beam. There was one loop accross her neck. Before they started her partner checked and double-checked and triple-checked that she could breathe ok. Apparently having the chain around her neck was part of her fantasy/turn-on, which is why they did it. They were playing for a while whe she suddenly collapsed. It turned out that even though the chain wasn’t restricting her breathing at all, it was putting pressure on the artery in her neck, restricting blood flow to her brain. No permanent damage done, it just made her faint, but it scared the crap out of both of them and they never tried anything around the neck again.
Speaking of vibes, do you live near a Toys in Babeland? They are very helpful. (The store is also online.) There’s one in Seattle, two in Manhattan, one in Brooklyn.
Cmosdes you said
Don’t mistake putting the power in your hands for a lack of interest. Depending on her background/upbringing she might be shy to talk about the “what” you buy - I would read her “if you want . . .” as okay let’s try it. Giving you the power to choose and surprise her.
Any recommendations on body oils to use? Can body oils be had at regular pharmaceutical places?
I’m going to stop by the local sex shop after work today and see what they have in the way of vibs… should be an interesting experience.
We have astroglide for when things are a little dry or just want a little extra lube. It is awesome!
I like the idea of candle wax and ice cubes… I’ll definitely use that. And quite possibly the cold knife idea, too. I’ll also be sure to make lots of “noise” like I’m looking around for things. I realize the anticipation is half the fun. Yesterday I sent her an e-mail that simply said, “The safeword is pumpkin. If you don’t know what a safeword is, you need to find out. Look it up or ask a friend.” In other words, I’d like to get her thinking about things.
Ed McMahhon voice:
You can use an automatic car transmission that way? I did not know that!
Absolutely.
I would like to warn you about the candle wax thing. Make sure to go for a candle that is meant to be dripped on people, or otherwise there is a possibility it could burn – especially if you are dripping on places where there is thin skin, or dripping close to the skin.
Check this link: http://www bondara co uk/bondage-gear/medical-fetish-toys/1472/bondage-candle.html
It lists the melting point temperature of the candles, which is very important. Plus the site itself looks cool, might give you some ideas. It’s in the UK but your local shop should carry the candles.
I think texting her stuff like the safe word or “off to home depot to see what naughty things I can find.” is. awesome.
I know it always works when my bf texts those kind of things to me!
I’m really proud of you for adventuring in to this new realm.
One of the most interesting moments for me was when my bf and I were playing - and my cell phone started ringing . . .and he answered it! I was like omg, omg, omg - what is he going to say??? what is he going to do??? he did a similar thing with replying to a friend who texted me while we were in the middle of something.
Of course, me refusing would have meant a spanking - so I had to hush and hope he wouldn’t go too far. Which of course, he didn’t. But then again - she was as sexually open as we, so he could go a little farther than normal.
But even the words, “she can’t talk right now - she’s a little tied up” to someone she knows can be titillating.
Indeed, my friend, indeed.
Ahem. It’s called naughty underwear, and it’s to be removed as slowly as possible.
And play with yourself. Play with him too, but far far more yourself.