My wife has lately gotten into bondage stuff, and wants me to be a Dom. I have done a little reading to learn about it. Truly though, I’m nervous to try. I don’t have a big imagination when it comes to the bedroom, and bondage has never really crossed my mind. I’m willing to try but have no clue where to start or what I’m doing. She has showed me some videos and read me some stuff, but I am a vanilla in the truest sense of the word. Please, if anyone can give me advice or reccomendations I would really appreciate it.
Do what she tells you and shut the hell up!!
So, let her tie you up then.
On second thought, hire a pro, you sound too inexperienced.
Tie her up and go play golf. See if she’s still into it when you get back.
At least hire a pro to walk you through the process a few times. There’s a delicate balance between tying her up securely and not hurting her. If she gets loose halfway, you’re going to be in trouble.
I hope you recognize that SDMB, (Straight Dope Message Board), is not the same as BDSM, (Bondage Dominance Submission Masochism).
You may get some helpful information, here, (along with a number of smartass remarks), but you might get better info at a site dedicated to the object of your interest.
Try dropping “BDSM for dummies” or “BDSM help” into Google.
She might even call the cops.
Moderator Action
Welcome to the SDMB, Figure8.
Questions seeking advice and opinions belong in our IMHO forum.
Moving thread from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.
And the thread better stay right there until we say it can move!!
Make sure you choose a good safe-word. I recommend something like “don’t stop!”
You do, or you do not. There is no try.
Do we have ourselves a Dyslexic Dom?
OP, on the off chance that you’re serious, try Fetlife.
Did I say you were allowed to speak?
Also, if you and/or your wife are 35 or younger, google for BDSM TNG [your city] or **BDSM the next generation [your city]. **TNG groups are specifically geared towards newbies, and offer events both to socialize with other newbies and educational events.
**Please please educate yourself **before you dive in. You must learn how to do techniques safely – which often means hands-on practice, not just reading a book – especially since you are completely new. You also need to understand how to clearly communicate, negotiate, and establish boundaries of consent with your partner. Remember that if consent is unclear you can easily walk into committing a crime. You’re going to need to learn to communicate at a higher, more complete level.
I can’t say I am into it but I had a roomate who was a real pro at it. He walked me through a few things and I had some fun with it. I even had a couple of couples come over and I made them both doms. They claimed it saved their marriage.
The mental roll playing leading up to it is very important in my opinion and serves to set the stage. The first couple that came over I spent nearly an hour talking to them as a couple, I talked with them until I felt sure they respected me and trusted me. Suddenly I started turning the tables on them and edging into the game. I started of with something like." Did I just hear you interupt your husband?" Then I would look at her husband and asked how it made him feel when she interupted him. I would say something like, get honest dude, you want the bitch to shut the fuck up and listen when you talk don’t you? You get the idea.
I had a long-term gf who got heavily into this. It eventually led to us parting ways, as it was her kink not mine. She wanted spanked or tied up or something nearly every time we had sex. She also was heavily into role playing about being forced to dance naked. I was willing to accomodate her for a year or so, but eventually got to feeling like I was just another prop for her elaborate fantasy. Accomodate your significant other, if you want, but take pains that what you like doesn’t get lost.
BY any chance, you don’t still have her name and number do you?
So, I take it 50 Shades of Grey is still all the rage these days?
Thought they would have found a new fad to cling on to by now.
Boom-tish ::dubious:
Does she want to try bondage just for fun once in a while, or does she actually want you to be a Dom?
If the former, then the internet is your friend : it will supplement your allegedly lacking imagination if needed. Pay great attention to safety advices, search thoroughly anything you intend to try, start lightly.
If the latter, it’s going to be much more of a problem. I don’t believe someone can become a Dom. You have it in you (at least to some degree) or not, IMHO. It’s not something you do, it’s something you are. It either flows naturally (possibly after a period of akwardness) or it’s a pretend game that won’t ever satisfy a true sub. And anyway, even assuming you could manage to pretend being a Dom, how would you like a sex life based on something you have no interest in?