*light* bondage advice needed

In My Humble Opinion
1

The missus has requested I tie her up. Sounds good to me, but then I realized I’m a complete idiot in these matters, so I need some serious help here.

I’m looking for suggestions on what to do with her after she is tied up and blindfolded. I can think of the obvious… kissing, massaging, fondling, cunnilingus, and perhaps something like ice cubes rubbed around for a while. She really doesn’t enjoy spanking at all and doesn’t own any “toys”.

Anyone have good ideas on how I can really, really tease her for a while? I would definitely say she isn’t into anything rough at all…

Help??? I’d really like to make this something she would really like to do again. And yes, I could ask her, but she has even less imagination about these things than I do. Also, I think it would be better just to surprise her with stuff rather than just running through a list of things she has requested.

2

There’s always hours of oral.

But to tease her? Don’t actually touch her. Get your open mouth REALLY close to her, enough so that she can feel your breath. Smell her. All over. Pay special attention to her neck and behind her ears.

Oh, and make sure you tie her up well. If she’s able to get loose, she’ll attack you like a banshee.

3

Now would be a great time to buy one.

4

I’ve also found that making the other person beg before you’ll do anything more/make them ask permission to orgasm works well. If they’re into that…

5

Me —> bunk.

6

I used to tie up my GF and whisper in her ear things I was going to do to, like leave her there, blindfolded and tied, while I go out and pick up another girl & bring her back and have the girl lick her out, or have sex with the girl while my GF had to listen or watch, that sort of thing. But only because she was into the fantasy of it; we never actually did it. Whispering it to her was enough to drive her crazy. I’d take pictures of her like that, & tell her I was going to keep them with me so I could jerk off to them when she wasn’t around. I’d raid the fridge and apply various food products to her body & eat them off. She got off on that sort of thing.

Then I’d just sort of use her body for my pleasure, & keep bringing her to the edge of an orgasm while not actually letting her cum.

Buy some toys and introduce her to them in interesting ways.

7

Go to the makeup department of any store that has one and buy a makeup brush with lots of long, soft bristles and a 4-5"-long handle. Use it to tease, tantalize, and tickle. (Feather dusters work well in this regard as well, but you need to have one just for playing: you don’t want to use the one you actually dust with. Likewise, don’t use one of your wife’s makeup brushes for this: buy one just for play.)

Ice is good. Ice cream is more fun, though. Just use the back of a spoon to paint.

I second that now is an excellent time to buy your first toy. I recommend a remote control egg, mainly because it’s also a lot of fun to use at dinner parties.

Anything unexpected can be exceptionally energizing in that situation, so whatever you do, don’t tell her what you have in mind. However, one of the things my girlfriend really enjoys is hearing me getting toys, tools, whatever, ready for her while she’s helpless. I tied her up just the other night and she told me afterward that one of the best parts was when she knew it was about to happen but didn’t know what I was going to use to do it with.

Oh, one of the few “mind game” things I like to do is at some point early on give her a choice to make, being careful to explain that this will be the last time she has any say in what goes on for the next couple of hours, so she should choose carefully. If you’re one notch up the sadist scale from me, you then do the opposite of whatever she chooses.

Whatever you do, remember at all times that this is play, and enjoy yourselves.

8

Even for light play like this, especially if it’s a first time, talk about a “safe word”. A safe word is a word that she can use (or you!) at any point during whatever is happening, and everything stops, instantly. Ties are undone, and cuddling or whatever is needed to happen happens then to get fears, qualms and “weird” feelings taken care of.

Make sure it’s not a word that might get used by accident, like “no” or “god” or “cum” or “Wilford Brimley”.

9

I would recommend care with this. Avoid introducing anything with a lot of sugar (e.g. canned whipped cream) into the vagina as this can lead to a yeast infection.

10

A can of whip cream is good - you spray a little on say her nipple - and then lick it up but don’t swallow it - and then kiss her so she can suck it out of your mouth. I don’t know why - but it’s one of the sweetest tastes i’ve ever had when i was tied up.

**Knead **is right - the anticipation is the key. Hearing you make noises - not knowing where you are going to touch us next - first on the left - then on the right - first with a feather - then with a (make-up) brush . . .

Threatening things you will do while they are out of control is also key - like emailing photos to one of her girlfriends to see if it will turn them on - etc. Don’t actually do it - we don’t want to have a heart attack - we just want to have our heart race.

I’m the girl that likes to be tied up - and I will agree emphatically with the fact that the inability to get loose is also key. If I can get away easily - the fantasy falls apart.

Here’s the other thing: everything in your house is a toy! Scarves, leaves or flowers, cold things, warm things, the back of a spoon, the cap of a pen. Sex toys can be expensive - but bondage toys are limitless if you think hardward stores and craft shops and even Target.

Realize too, that you should blindfold us first - then undress us. Take pictures - the clicking sounds enthrall us. Touch us lightly - trace your fingers gently - go fast then slow.

Walk away for a while - make us wonder where you are and what is going to happen next - open and close a door - walk up and down the stairs.

When you take away one sense - other senses are heigthened - like smell and hearing . . . .

Most importantly - make sure you have your safety words ready. THIS IS A MUST!! Randomly, days before the event, discuss what word means stop, what word means take it easy/slow down, and if you intend to gag her at any point - make sure she can tap her hand or foot instead (like 3 times or more for no - twice for slow down - etc.) Use ridiculous words that won’t come up in normal sex times - words like rutabaga or zimbabwe . . .

And you have to respond immediately if she uses the safety word - just communicate what’s good and what is not. Talking is the key.

And afterwards, when it’s over and you are in another room - talk about what each of you liked and didn’t like. And when you are in the store - you can think of other things that maybe you can use.

I know you said she is as clueless as you - why not sit down together at your 'puter and go to Tube8 or Youporn and type in “bondage” “bdsm” or “fetish” and watch some porn to figure out what you like and don’t like? Make that a discussion point.

I could go on and on

–the girl who loves light bondage

11

[QUOTE=Tristan;11045967Make sure it’s not a word that might get used by accident, like “no” or “god” or “cum” or “Wilford Brimley”.[/QUOTE]

Dude! You too?! Wilford Brimley has gotten me into SO much sex talk trouble.

Has anyone here ever used a wartenberg wheel? I’ve been thinking about it. They seem so fun, and I love that kind of tickly touch.

12

I can’t believe I forgot to say anything about safe words. Of course, their true function is to allow you to play a little harder than it sounds like the OP is ready for. The point of having a safe word is that she can scream bloody murder about the pain and call you any number of vile names, and most importantly refuse, reject, and demand that you stop … all while you patiently continue doing exactly whatever it is you have in mind.

13

I apologize for the slight hijack, but it may prove helpful. Reading the replies makes me want to tie my SO up and try some of these things. I have never done anything like this. Where do you tie the person up? Like to the bed while they are lying down? Or are there other, better scenarios that don’t invole investing in other equipment? And what do you tie them up with?

14

It depends, but you really won’t know what you’re both into until you try a few things. A good basic scenario is the spread-eagle. This works well with beds that have a headboard and a footboard, but I get the job done just fine on a bed that doesn’t even have a frame. I use ratcheting tie-downs I bought at Target for like $16, because I like my girlfriend to know she’s not going anywhere once she’s strapped in. I put leather restraints ($4 clearance belts, also from Target) on her wrists and ankles, then attach the tie-downs to those and just ratchet her down to the bed.

You can spend a fortune on bondage gear, but you can achieve the same effects for a lot less money if you think creatively. Belts, silk scarves, ties you don’t care for any more, saran wrap. When I tied her up the other night (mentioned above), I used my pajama bottoms. I mean hell, it’s not like I was going to be wearing them.

Tied to a chair works well too, I’m told, but I haven’t personally done it.

15

Thanks, KneadToKnow. I’m pretty sure she’ll be on board, so to speak.

16

These responses have been terrific. I can’t honestly believe there would ever be a need for a safeword, but I’ll make sure we have one.

The remote control egg thing is kinda blowing my mind. I’ll have to read more about that when I’m at a computer I can look that up. I don’t know if she’d get a kick out of it, but I know I would. Especially at parties.

I’ve considered trying to get her to watch porn for ideas, but that really isn’t her thing. I’ve talked to her in the past about getting toys and her response was along the lines of “if want to you can buy it”. In other words, she has shown 0 interest in any of that.

17

It’s a complicated dance to learn, cmosdes, and it boils down to the old adage: it takes two to tango. Start slow and feel her out and find her interests and what gets her hot. One of the problems with getting your feet wet in the BDSM world (which is what you’re dipping your toes into here, after all) is that hanging out in the shallow end of the pool will simultaneously get you called a poser by the hardcore set and get you called a freak by the vanilla world.

Personally, I’m perfectly happy with the relatively softcore place my girlfriend and I have found with each other. I’m not a sadist, she doesn’t need regular beatings, and we both enjoy what we have. :slight_smile:

I’ve had repeated complaints about TMI on this subject, so feel free to email me if you have questions you don’t feel comfy going into on the boards, and I’ll be glad to help you out.

18

FYI - the safe word isn’t always because it’s too harsh. Sometimes I have to use my safe word because i’m orgasming so hard I can’t take any more stimulation at the moment.

19

What ever happened to Evil Captor? Just when we need his expertise.

20

Ditto this. Safe words are a necessity in this kind of play because “no” may cease to mean “stop.” Often people use a system with a word for “slow down” as well, sometimes “yellow” and "red’ to distinguish between needing the person to let up and needing them to immediately abort. It’s a simpe precaution but potentially very helpful.

melodyharmonius is giving some great advice. The biggest problem with answering your question is that we don’t know what your wife likes; there’s an incredible amount of variability. If she doesn’t like spanking then things that give pain (clothespins on the nipples etc etc) are probably out, but interestingly texture objects (feathers, stuffed animals, brushes) are probably in. hot wax (dripped from a colorless candle held 2-4 feet above the skin) is often a fun one, but also may be entirely not her thing. Your idea of ice has the virtue of being perfectly safe unlike, say, knife-play.* Whatever you do, clear it with her (in general and vague terms) first. Surprises can be…unfortunate.

From your standpoint, you need to ask her about why she likes the idea of bondage. Probably it ties into helplessness, trust, and letting go, but her specific choices for emphasis will give you clues. I’ll second the suggestion of blindfolds. Maybe add soft music to diminish the usefulness of her ears.

Go to Home Depot. Buy cotton clothes line (standard thickness). Declare victory. Bedposts work, chairs work. Just make sure that whatever you use isn’t going to fall over and hurt your friend.

Oh, and make sure that you can untie every knot you use and that the knots don’t tighten with pressure (square knots suck). the quick release knot is your friend.

*light knife play can be great. take a butter knife (dull as hell, right?). Stick it in your freezer for an hour. Then take it out and run it over your skin. Feels sharp, doesn’t it? Very convincing illusion and works well with extreme trust play.