I can’t say I know how I would react, not having been in that situation.
But…
If he were to tell me he was gay, I can’t say I would through a party and put a large sign in the yard saying, come help us celebrate our son being gay.
All I know is that I don’t have to approve of everything he does to love him. I wouldn’t disown him. I would say that he could not have sex with his partner in my home.
I can say it wouldn’t change the love I feel for him. He is my child, who he loves has nothing to do with that.
I wouldn’t be real happy, because I want him to have kids of his own, so Lion and I can spoil them rotten, then send them home for son to cope with. ( Mothers revenge ! )
Did any of that make any sense at all ?
Ayesha - Lioness
There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine
(Thomas A. Edison)
I noticed that someone thought that promiscuity and homosexuality were different in matters of morality. They are not. Each one of a deviation from the natural order of things and each one has distinct disadvantages i.e. STD’s, etc. Monogamy is protected from STD’s because it is within the natural order of things.
Promiscuity IS in the natural order of things…it’s a way of increasing the chances of successful breeding. In other words, the more times a male is sexually active, the more chances he’ll impregnate a female, increasing the chances for births; and the more babies, the more chances of one or more of his line surviving.
Morality is an artificially imposed condition. That is to say, it is something that mankind alone has invented. The need to procreate crosses species lines…it is instinctual.
Don’t get me wrong… I think morality is necessary to society. I just think it’s wrong to use morality as the yardstick to determine whether or not homosexuality is wrong.
Agreed… homosexuality does not serve the procreation instinct, but there IS homosexuality in the animal kingdom as well.
I personally think it is a beautiful thing when two people can find love…regardless of their sexual orientation.
::: :DISCLAIMER::::::
the views stated above are my own, and I realize that some people are going to be very offended by them. I offer no apology for that.
Mom always said there’d be days like this…she just never said there’d be so MANY of them!!!
The most difficult part of being a parent is the knowledge that you cannot protect your children from being hurt - either physically or emotionally. That’s one aspect of parenting that remains even as your children progress through adulthood. That would also be the most difficult aspect of knowing that your child is gay - the knowledge that there would certainly occasions of ridicule and ostracism from classmates and others - and that you’d be helpless to prevent it and to prevent it from hurting.
I can’t add to what TubaDiva has already said except that I, for one, completely agree with her perspective.
What I cannot fathom is what it must take for a parent to cope with a child whose differences are truly serious - a schizophrenic (sp?) or psychotic child. Those folks are the ones who have problems.
Phaedrus: There are SOOOOOOO many things wrong with this statement i dont know where to begin. Have you watched nature programs at all? If you have then you would know that monogamy in the natural world is a rare thing (penguins are the only animals that i know of who are naturally monogamous).
Monogamy does not help to spread as many genes around as polygamy does (genetically, it’s not advantegious for most animals). Though you may refute this because of your beliefs, our primate relatives are almost all polygamous (males having several females, or in some species, females having many male partners). Monogamy among humans is even variable. Ever hear of harems or concubines?
If monogamy was within the natural order of things, then why are so many animals, plants, etc. polygamous (i’m being loose with the definition for plants)?
You know, most people are right-handed. Most of the man-made world is designed with the assumption that one is right-handed. Should I, therefore, try to steer my left-handed child into doing things the “right” way? Seems to me that would cause more distress than the tendency itself.
To answer in another way: I’ve always been a little “different.” Never quite fit in. Square peg, round hole…you get the picture. Now even though my parents gave lip service to the notion of “be yourself,” they were always upset when I did just that. So in addition to feeling out of place in this world, I had to deal with my own parents and their fear, anger, frustration, etc. with my not being “normal.” Didn’t make me any more “normal,” I assure you. Did add to the stress of growing up.
In terms of the debate over nature vs nuture and homosexuality, I believe it is like anything else.
Why do some people like brocolli and some hate it? Why are there sloppy kids with ultra neat parents?
Why weren’t Einstein’s kids super smart. Why isn’t Caroline Kennedy beautiful? (Sorry about that but let’s face it she may be the most sensible and stable but she did in no way get her mother’s or her fathers or her brothers looks)
It is just a preferece. I don’t like a lot of foods but I eat them as they are good for me. People just assume I like them as I eat them. Could a gay man only have sex with a woman. Yes. Does this make him straight? NO! He is just a gay man who has sex with women.
People can’t help what they like. And as I said in my previous post there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Andrea: What I meant by the natural order of things is Human nature. We have survived and even thrived without being fully promiscuous. If you are saying that morality is the same thing as monogamy you are wrong. Penguins are monogamous. From a natural order of things perspective when a being has the level of sentience that humans do you have STD’s when you engage in certain behaviors. Behaviors that have moral consequences but are at their root not moral are deviant behaviors within a species, they do not conform to the norm in their particular species.
Doobieous: The same things I said to Andrea apply to your statements as well. Yes, I watch nature shows. There are many other animals that are monogamous. Geese are another example. If a mate dies the extant partner will remain celibate until its’ death. Their gene pool seems to be ok. How do you explain that?
Marxxx: Einstein’s second son Eduard had the same ability to solve complex puzzles, as did his father. A part of intelligence that was directly related to Einstein’s ability to solve physics puzzles.
“On the personal level, a belief in the power of genes necessarily diminishes the potency of such personal qualities as will, capacity to choose, and sense of responsibility for those choices-”
This has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not nature contributes more than nurture. This is only how people feel when they find out that they have less control than they thought they did. How you feel about reality does not affect reality.
(Do I really want to go into this? Oh hell. If Satan can talk about his ass, this should be a piece of cake.)
I’m a borderline schizophrenic with depressive tendancies. I have been for as long as I can remember. I was seeing a therapist and was making progress. but I began feeling like I was losing touch with who I really am. I’ve grown use to my mindset, and would really feel lost with a different one. Thanks to a lot of personal time in research, I understand the problem well enough to prevent it from getting out of hand (or at least recognizing the danger signals).
What does this have to do with the topic? Just because my mind works this way, and it feels “natural” to me, does not mean it has a “natural” cause, or can be considered “normal”. Everyone has abnormalities (especially on this MB). It’s what makes us such a fascinating and complex species. I, too, am in the arts and know many homosexuals. If that’s what “floats their boat”, fine. What bothers me is the idea that this is a natural occurrance. It is unnatural. So is wearing clothes in 90 degree weather. This is not something that comes to us (in general) “naturally”. We learn these things from those who have come before us, starting from infancy (and possibly earlier). None of us can remember the influences on us when we were 6 months old, and yet this is the time when we learn the most.
When I say that homosexuality is “unnatural”, I mean that it does not promote reproduction, and is therefore outside of the scope of how all sexual creatures in this biosphere behave normally. I don’t mean it in a way that says these people are evil or “sick”. They are just operating outside of the way our bodies and minds are wired to work.
(Gee, I hope I haven’t made too many enemies with this post. I just know, I’m going to the Pit for this.)
Sigh…Well, if all I got were responses of “Yes, I would love and support my child no matter what”, I would think, “Well, someone’s not being honest!”
Phaedra, could you run that by me again? I’m not even sure what you’re getting at.
[quote]
We learn these things from those who have come before us, starting from infancy (and possibly earlier). None of us can remember the influences on us when we were 6 months old, and yet this is the time when we learn the most.
[quote]
I guess if you have kids, you’re going to quarantine them for the first six months. In fact, you should screen the delivery staff. And where did you hear that, anyway? Most of the stuff I learned when I was six months old I never use any more, like that scream-and-you’ll-get-milk routine.
Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green
Yeah, I kinda figured that line was gonna get questioned. That’s what I get for writing at 2:30 in the morning. I forget where I heard it, but it was probably in one of the self-help books I used to read. Not exactly founts of scientifically proven information. However, I think what they are referring to that we learn the things that form the basis of our personalities at that age. As for quarantining and screening (yes, I know you were being sarcastic), what would you screen for? To what extent would you quarantine the child? Is 6 months long enough? Who knows what influences might bring it on?
Now, to quickly combine my previous two posts, which I didn’t do a very good job of before. (Wow, two prepositions at the end of a sentence.) I’m not saying that this is definitely the cause. I am simply making a case that nurture might be a cause, and the person wouldn’t be able to know how it started. It might be nature. I don’t know.
Re: The OP,
Regardless of why or how it occured, I would absolutely love my child and support his or her lifestyle however I could. Childhood is tough enough without trying to “fix” someone who isn’t broken.
Yes, I have gay friends and I love them the same as my straight friends. My female gay friends have never done anything to make me uncomfortable or uneasy (unlike some hetro friends). When I see people condemming gays with hatred and ignorance, it makes me sick to my stomach.
I have yet to see why people have such issues with boys playing with dolls, girls being tomboys (I was, and I’m straight), etc. Leave this kids alone and let life take it’s course. Worry more about teaching kids tolerance and love instead of trying to shape them to fit YOUR idea of “normal”
Zette
I recently bought my daughter a little toy housekeeping set at Target. I didn’t buy it because I wanted to teach her how to be feminine–I bought it because she’s always playing with my broom and dustpan, so I thought she’d like one that was her size. She loved it.
So did her 6 year old stepbrother. He was running around here, wearing the apron, pretending to scrub the walls and sweep the floor. I asked him if he wanted me to get him a set like that too. He said yes. So I did. He loved it. I’ll be doggoned if I’m going to stop a boy from learning how to keep house.
I was relating this story to a co-worker, and she expressed some dismay at the fact that I had gotten my stepson something traditionally “girl.” I expressed dismay at her expression of dismay. I could see nothing wrong with buying this toy for a boy. I see it as teaching him independence, not pointing him in a homosexual direction.
(end of mini-rant)
This topic has been on my mind, lately. I have a student, a 10 year old boy, whom I suspect is gay. I feel this way because he acts like the stereotype of a gay male. Not only that but he says things…like “I’m a girl in a boy’s body.”
One day the I was telling the class who should sign their report cards…(Mom, Dad, stepmom, stepdad, etc.) This boy says, “Can your lover sign it?”
Now, I don’t mind having a student in my class who is probably gay. I’m just concerned that the other students will pick on him. Some already call him a girl. I just wonder what the best thing for this boy is.
–Gail
“Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place.” --John Cleese