A carrot, a radish, or beet,
Vegetarians think are quite neat,
But if eating a cow,
is sinful somehow,
They wouldn’t be made out of meat!
The perfect steak has no compare,
And is quite easy to prepare,
Carve in the sun,
the cooking’s done,
A well-done steak is truly rare!
Vegetarians: far too uptight.
Over my porkchop their willing to fight?
They refuse to eat beef
in mistaken belief
it makes them morally upright.
This isn’t mine, nor is it a limerick…but it seemed appropriate:
The Reluctant Cannibal by Flanders & Swann.
Seated one day at the Tom-tom,
I heard a welcome shout from the kitchens:
Come and get it!
Roast leg of insurance salesman.
A chorus of 'yum’s ran round the table.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum…
Except for June, who pushed away his shell,
Got up from his log, and said
‘I don’t want any part of it’.
What? Why not?
I don’t eat people,
Eh?
I won’t eat people,
Huh?
I don’t eat people,
I must be going deaf.
Eating people is wrong.
It’s wrong?
Don’t eat people,
Have you gone clean out of your mind?
I won’t eat people,
What’s the matter with the lad?
Don’t eat people,
He keeps on repeating,
Eating people is bad.
But people have always eaten people,
What else is there to eat?
If the Jou-Jou had meant us not to eat people,
He wouldn’t have made us of meat.
Don’t eat people,
Oh no, not again.
I won’t eat people,
All the day long,
Don’t eat people,
He keeps on repeating,
Eating people is wrong.
Well, I’ve never heard of a more ridiculous idea in all my born days. To think that a son of mine should grow up to be a
sissy… Me, chief assistant to the assistant chief. I suppose you realise, son, that if this gets around we may never get
self-government.
I won’t eat people!
Have you been talking to one of your Mothers again? You’re not getting to be one of these cranks that thinks that eating
people is cruel, are you, you see a man sitting in a pot and think he’s suffering? Oh, it’s not like that at all. Why, he’s just
had an invigorating chase through the forest. He’s sitting there in the nice warm water, with all the carrots and
dumplings and things, he’s thinking ‘Oh, the pleasure and happiness I’m going to give to a whole heap of people’, that
man in the pot there, he enjoys it.
Eating people is wrong!
Look, son, I admine your sincerity, always be sincere, whether you mean it or not. You’re young, when you’re young, you
think you can change the whole world overnight, even eating people, I know, I’ve been young myself. Take it from your
old dad, you’ve just got to learn to take the world as it is.
I won’t let another man pass my lips!
I know why you say ‘Don’t eat people’, because you are a coward, Francis, that’s your trouble, yes, a yellow-livered
coward. You wouldn’t mind eating people if you weren’t afraid of ending up in the pot yourself. Go on like this and you’re
liable to get me into hot water.
I won’t eat people!
That’s enough!
I don’t eat people!
I don’t want to…
Eating people is wrong!
Communist!
Going around saying 'don’t eat people, that’s the way to make people hate you!
We always have eaten people, always will eat people, you can’t change human nature. I won’t eat people!
I don’t eat people!
I won’t eat people!
I don’t eat people!
I won’t eat people!
I don’t eat people!
I won’t eat people!
I don’t eat people!
It must be someone he ate.
Eating people is out!
I give up. You used to be a regular anthropothercary. If this crazy idealistic idea of your was to catch on, I just don’t
know where we would all be. It would just about ruin our entire internal economy. Fortunately, I suppose it catching on
isn’t very likely. Why, you might just as well go around saying ‘don’t fight people’, for example? Don’t fight people? Ha
Ha!
Oh, that’s my boy.
Ridiculous!
There once was a veggie with Pride
Who pushed other thinking aside
And said I will not
Cook beef in the pot
Here’s to ya! Leaves more for my side!
To take out the meat from a dish,
No chicken, no beef and no fish
Is no big endeavor
It’s not all that cleaver
Just eat what is normally garnish!
There once was a Spider who knew
That with meat she would never make stew
But I ask, quite surprised
When did you realize
That the fly is a vegetable too?
OK, that’s the jokes (and there’s more)
But to tell you the truth, I adore
Those who stick to their guns
Regardless of puns
And the rude ones? We’ll show them the door
Vegetarians do like to shout:
“Ending suffering’s what it’s about”
But who really knows
who has the worse of death throes
The beast or that of the sprout?
There once was a cannibal lad
Who felt bad for the people he’d had
‘No more flesh’ he announced
And pn carrots he pounced
To the total shagrin of his dad
(Thanks Fierra, that was cute)
The Redskins, they went out to play,
Against the good defense of Tampa Bay,
Deion looked fine,
Finally hit “Prime Time,”
And the burgundy and gold carried the day.
GO SKINS! 
Each to his own, so they say.
If you want meat, have it your way.
But if flora I wanna
eat instead of fauna,
that also should be okay.
-----
—////\\
Seeing purple made poor Lions blue,
though they roared and they pounced, it is true.
The lion-taming Vikings
were much to my liking
On the Fox network television view.
Moss passed 3000 career yards
He and Smith evaded Lions guards.
And Anderson kicked one.
When all’s said and done,
To beat the Vikings was too hard.
Coming back from the weekend I found
the old limerick thread’s run aground.
This new rhymin’ thread
was started instead:
veggie lovers (and others) abound.
This fan offers quite giddily,
The Purple are now one of three,
Pro teams that have not,
suffered a blot,
And all due to a fine rookie.
With sadness I now must proclaim,
The Tampa Bay Bucs look the same,
As teams of years past,
that were sorely out-classed,
They certaily aren’t “Hall of Fame”.
My weekend TV was massive,
As if I had been held a captive,
Because TV Land,
had programming grand,
I watched non-stop “The Fugitive”.
What a meandering path I do find,
when this thread I do visit each time.
Something went wrong!
The initial subject’s long gone.
And now football and veggies intertwine?
Dear Inky, don’t fret o’er the rhyme
The first subject really was fine.
But the weekend has passed
(Can’t say I had a blast)
And now it is pro football time!
My poor team was caught unawares!
Their struggles I viewed with blank stares.
Their offense was slow,
Their defense a no-show.
And they lost to the sad winless Bears.
There once was a cheeseheaded guy.
For the Packers his hopes were sky high.
He expected the season
To be rather pleasin’
But instead watched his playoff dreams die.
Poor Bottle, here, have a smoke
Though I know to you this is no joke
My team did fair better
Seems they all came together
Even without the star-slammin’ bloke
Now the Niners are 3 loss, 2 wins
And the fans are all wearin’ big grins
But just a few years ago
After this kind of show
We call for the head, and the twins!
It’s strange how opinion does sway
High expectations have all gone away.
For a team once so great
Last year goes 8 and 8
And the coach is kicked out of Green Bay.
Now the fans, though still true, do agree
That a Superbowl simply won’t be.
Now it’s back to the days
When the bumbling plays
Remind us of Lindy Infante.
But as a true fan I still cheer!
I won’t waver, won’t boo, and won’t jeer.
But with each bad Favre pass
I’ll fill up my glass
And cry salty tears in my beer.
Trees turn to orange, yellow and red,
or wear purple or brown instead.
In this season of frost
all the flowers are lost
except those trees display on their heads.
Last week the temp dropped to sixty
We all said, “Hurray, this is spiffy!”
I wore a sweater to work
They had cocoa-- a perk!
But it all went away in a jiffy.
Now its nineties all week
Chance of rain is so bleak
That we’d have a good cry
'Cept the weather’s so dry
Wasting water elicits critique.
I’m writing this limerick in class
In hopes that the time I will pass.
The professor is boring,
The kid next to me’s snoring,
And the students are leaving en masse.
The curves on the tests are not steep
And the subject matter’s too deep.
I came into college
To fill up with knowledge
But instead only learned how to sleep.
My Bears sure took care of your Packers
(Whose defense could use more linebackers)
Our hero McNown
Caused the Cheeseheads to frown
And appear like a bunch of poor slackers.
-----:)h* joy! Says the spider this morning
—////\\
More versers this thread are adorning!
There’s Mirth’s mirthful rhyme
And BrothaTJ two times,
but this hobby’s addicting, I’m warning.
[Thanks to you, Sweet Sue, for the idea* credit is due.]