While comatose on the front lawn,
I lay motionless until dawn,
Those last seven drinks,
were the problem methinks,
As I ponder to throw up or yawn.
Could someone please enlighten me,
And help me to more plainly see,
Why drinking in mass,
from a bottle or glass,
Is requisite for one’s degree?
The parchment does clear confer,
A title, sometimes it’s “Doctor”,
But the pamphlet prolog,
and course catalog,
make no mention at all of liquor.
I guess it’s just one of those things,
Like women and large diamond rings,
They go hand in hand,
and cause to expand,
Your head and its awful swellings.
Your question kicked up a stink,
But I have the solution, I think.
You’re told when packed off to college
That it is the fountain of knowledge
To which students go to drink…
There once was a medical student
Who often thought it would be prudent
To drink before class
and plaster his ass
Else, he’s afraid, graduate he wouldn’t
Ah, drinking in college was fun.
But those binge drinking days are all done.
The brain cells I lack,
How I wish they were back.
For it turns out I need every one.
I spent most of my college days,
In a booze induced self imposed haze,
I thought a small drink,
would help me to think,
But it just made the campus a maze.
I almost remember the time,
We drank until way past bedtime,
Instead of sound sleep,
I wound up in a heap,
The outcome was surely not prime!
Alas I have mellowed with age,
So that fun I no longer guage,
By how many drinks,
before my head sinks,
Into that white porcelain cage.
But I’d be able to take it and grin
if my favorite candidates win.
I voted for Gore
and Democratics galore
and if I could, I’d do it again!
Any of you who don’t like my choice;
remember you have your own voice!
So get out and vote!
Don’t miss the boat!
Don’t complain, make a statement, not noise!*
I voted today before work.
My duty I’m not one to shirk.
But I stopped here to say
“Woo-hoo!” for Green Bay!
I won’t gloat, lest you think I’m a jerk.
But my Pack’s had a rough time this year
So don’t blame me if I stop and cheer.
Lady fortune did smile
On my team for a while!
The ball bounced in a way that was queer.
O’er this season at times I have wept.
No Super Bowl hopes have I kept.
But at least on this day
I can comfortably say
By the Vikings they will not get swept.
No hard feelings from me, Smoky Guy.
Though the Vikings lost, they did try.
The Pack wasn’t slack
but they are not yet back
to their glory days that have gone by.
And though you are eloquently waxing
rhyming to my brain is taxing.
Tonight’s sports attraction
is political action.
I’ll watch but I won’t be relaxing.
Tonight’s coverage I think I will shun
I’ll find out in the morning who won.
For I’d rather slouch
As I sit on my couch
And play football on my Playstation.
The coverage I find quite a joke,
For it’s drama they try to evoke.
But with 5 percent in,
They predict who will win.
And who in the race will have choked.
So the paper I will read tomorrow
To see if I have joy or sorrow.
Will it be Bush or Gore?
And how will Ralph score?
(Buchanan scares me to my marrow).
There is sorrow in cheese land this day
For the Packers let one slip away.
They were leading the Bucs
When a bit of bad luck
Helped them fumble the victory away.
But the worst thing to come from the game
Is that our QB came out lame.
His foot almost snapped
When tackled by Sapp.
Without Favre, the Pack won’t be the same.
His streak of game starts is now done.
Eight seasons, he played in each one.
He started one-thirty-five
In a row. Sakes alive!
That’s sure one tough son of a gun.
So the Pack now prepares for next week,
Without Favre and his ironman streak.
But I say, what the heck!
We’ve got Matt Hasselbeck!
He’s no Favre, but at least he don’t reek.
Unbelievable as it may seem
I can also say ‘yeah!’ for my team
They tightened their briefs
And took care of the Chiefs
'Cause Garcia can run with some steam
Politics, Politics, Politics
‘Let the will of the people be done!’
Said Al Gore, as he realized Bush won
Now they’ll recount the votes
And they’ll sue to promote
Just the outcome the Dems had bet on!
Now if Gore was ahead by a bit
They would certainly agree to quit
And then the people’s will
Would be counted, but still
Just the ones that the Dems count for shit
While the Panthers slink back to their lair
the Vikings have won with a flair.
That Smith guy forged ahead
and in scoring he led
by rushing, and some in the air.
On Thursday the Vikes play the Cowboys,
a treat Minnesota fans will enjoy.
This turkey day serving
may prove quite unnerving
to Aikman and Dallas’s poise.*
[*sorry, out of practice]
Long after the Vikes slunk away
the Twins have come out to play!
and like past seasons glorious
they could be victorious
and have a World Series heyday!
Though baseball’s not my favorite game
I thought I would post just the same.
though my poetry’s bad
this thread’s loss would be sad
(limericks are my only claim to fame).