GolfWidow, very happy to have you.
There once was a Golfer playing drunk
Who hit mostly slices and dunks
Whyle playing nine holes
He killed two or three moles
One squirrel, two ducks, and a skunk
Welcome!
To limericks GolfWidow is new,
With her first, my mind nearly blew,
Her reference to Kent,
caused sudden torment,
Cause this guy’s Christian name is “Kent” too!
There once was a blaster named Mike
Having trouble working with a dike
For how could he not know
That the dike would not blow?
The suggestion was Mike, take a hike
There once was a blushing youg Bride
Who wore white with the greatest of pride
But when push came to shove
And the making of love
She made the groom blush, run and hide
The gory implications are huge,
His e-mail we threaten to deluge,
The Hippie did not,
go to jail on the spot,
A sympathy yielding subterfuge?
So go on and head off to jail,
The Judge has rescinded your bail,
Why just 30 days,
only four Mondays,
Releases your ass from assail.
(Damn. Missed the punchline.)
Should have read:
Releases your tail from assail.
I’m sitting at work, lots to do,
But instead writing prose and haiku.
While the job stuff piles higher
I pleasantly mire
In limericks and other doodoo.
How fare-us, Mr. Goldstein?
Are our efforts thus far not fine?
Like a precious ore cup,
your limerick helps fill up
TN*hippie’s request for more lines.
That rhyme is my worst to date
(though others may choose to debate).
Although it is punny
it’s not very funny;
a definitely second-rate prate.
Mine’s never been to judge –
One’s crap is another’s fudge.
So pun away,
Helps, anyway,
To give such great threads a nudge.
I wrote this during a particularly boring meeting a long time ago in a high school mock trial team – E-mailed it to my English teacher in hope of extra credit:
En route to some unknown locale,
An anxious turd took leave of his pal.
However, oblivious to the road he’d hit,
He got stuck in a urinal, the stupid shit.
'Twas GolfWidow that I believed
Sent an e-mail I never recieved
But it’s the thought that counted
Though all it amounted
Was to a limerick vulgarly concieved.
Some might think it quite hokey
But I was ready to go to the pokey.
Though found guilty as sin,
There was no room at the inn
So in two weeks I’ll turn myself in.
Now sodomy isn’t my thing:
I’ve tried it and it just tends to sting.
But I may cram my ass
With acid or grass
For my own sake and to be tops in my wing.
Surfed in one day while at work
‘Cuz Cecil’s got class, wit and quirk.
Thought, “Hey, this is cool!
Message board - sans the fools!”
Aye, but one big fuckin’ jerk.
I’ll miss ya all…
Well, now that I know the straight dope,
that your leave will be short, we can hope.
Although just a beginner
at limericks you’re a winner
so return soon to this thread and don’t mope.
Although with tongue in cheek Coldfire’s a boaster
he seems mostly to be a good poster.
Though his comments may chafe:
mooning and driving isn’t safe.
It could cause you (and others) to be ghosters.
When you’re feeling better, come back.
I hope then you’ll be on the right track,
and your hair will still be there
and you will be aware
of the peace in your heart you now lack.
-----
—////\\
A future unknown I relate,
Uncertainty I really hate,
My job has now changed,
my life rearranged,
I fear my posting will be late.
sigh…
I see that this thread is still growing
And I hear that TN*Hippie is going
To spend some time in jail
And the grass in his tail
Won’t be the kind that’s for mowing.
GolfWidow has learned the trick
Of choosing rhymes that will stick
In your memory
With her note to Hippie
She’s joined our Limerick Clique.
Southern don’t get so down
'Cause your life is spinning around
I’m sure in a while
You’ll come through with Style
And wear an upside-down frown!
The thread soars along on gold wings,
Its voice so beautifully sings,
TheHippie’s fine post,
we shall miss the most,
The loss of his wittiness stings.
Ah Chief, you may be right,
It’s just work, it’s not a plight,
Maybe one day,
I’ll look back and say,
That frown is nowhere in sight.