A young man, a dentist by trade,
when caught in the act with a maid,
said, with all gravity,
“I am filling a cavity.
Things are not as they are portrayed.”
There once was a dental hygienist
who while ably assisting a dentist
noticed the depravity
with which he filled cavities
and with a mirror and a cleaning pick bent his.
Now every rhyme that I mutter,
Seems firmly entrenched in the gutter.
(Though I am, in real life,
mother and a housewife)
and must be careful aloud not to utter!
Well, I didn’t get a WHOLE lot done today, except for this…:rolleyes:
–Tabithina
These limerists are really quite swell
Have you seen any better, pray tell?
But so many Dopers are missed
That it truly gets me qutie pissed
So contribute here, please-- what the hell?
Please pardon misspellings–oh,ick!
Typing mistakes makes me sick!
Unlike my betters
I oft invert letters
But I’ll take dyslexic o’er lessdicksic.
The Spider has not has her fix
from the second thread titled “limericks.”
The diverting dosage
of daily postings,
but for Hippie and me’s down to nix.
-----
—////\\
Once lived a woman of St. Cloud
who was turning into a dowd
till she found this message board
was a place she adored.
Now she’s running with a different crowd.
There once was a virgin named Susie
The headache she had was a doozie
She said “Help me sleep”
He said not a peep
But ****ed her until she was woozy.
Tabithina has joined our fine game,
I’m pleased and excited she came,
Into our fine play,
and offers a stray,
anecdote that isn’t the same.
Enduring the splinter is good fun,
Received from the dildo (the wood one),
The great mystery,
that’s unclear to me,
An unpolished dildo, why would one?
While offering rhyme she did say,
That she tends her baby all day,
That one time she should,
have come on the wood,
And avoided the rabbit filet.
This here limerick poster must say
That I’m not sure what happens today
If the network is toast
Or I can’t load the NOS
Then inside the lab I will stay
(Let’s keep this thread alive until TH*Hippie returns.)
The Hippie’s a jailbird I heard,
Since the copper sang like a bird,
A month behind bars,
for DUI cars,
Is sure a discouraging word.
Can a sentence so harsh still be fair,
Including the stripes he must wear?
It sure seems to me,
that TN*Hippie,
Can use some chromed steel underwear!
The Hippie should watch his own ass,
Lest his cellmate crave the crevasse,
Or Hippie’s rear end,
he’ll have to defend,
From big hairy balls made of brass.
There once was a Hippie wha said
‘It’s just jail, not off with my head’
He took all his lumps
This, a minor bump
But he’d rather be sailing instead
So I say to the limerick King
Do not worry, you won’t miss a thing
For I’m sure someone could
Print this thread (oh, how shrewd)
And then mail it to you in the clink
There once crouched a shivering spider
who knew most humans couldn’t abide her
But nothing could hinder
her plans for the winter
Dwelling warmly would not be denied her.
She approached an office of employment;
said “T’would greatly increase my enjoyment
an inside job to find
which makes use of my mind.
What is a plan of deployment?”
Poor Spidey was shooed out the door
with a broom and a “Come back no more!”
So she scuttled away
thinking “Come what may,
the weather I just can’t ignore.”
She applied at a flower shop
where the mouths of the owners did drop.
“Seeing all of those legs”
they said “Is just the dregs
else we’re sure all our aphids you’d stop.”
She tried a Halloween costume store
but the sight of her they did abhor
“We want spiders plush and furry
and not those who scurry,*
you’d scare clientele to the core!”
But now spider has found a warm bed
and a haven to rest her head
weaving and grinning
at SDMB spinning
and leaping from thread to thread.
-----
—////\\
(* I borrowed your rhyme, Leah, thanks!)
Once was a poster named Pink
whose limerick certainly didn’t stink*
so we hope to hear again
from the rhyming pen
of Pink, we would like this, I think!
(* ouch, that last post apparently fried my brains, sorry)
-----:o
—////\\
A Spider from climate chilly,
The cold she complain was just silly,
So south you must go,
I won’t take a “no”,
And well call you the Spider Hill Billy.
“Hey Styler!” the spider does hail.
“I’d soon ship myself (in the mail)
but wide-spread arachnophobia
gives me agoraphobia
so I’ll stick to my homeward trail.”
“But your offer is truly so kind
and if you don’t think you would mind
stop here when you’re able
we’ll stock larder and table
a non-chilly welcome you’ll find.”
-----
—////\\
All this talk of a meeting I’m thinking
Could lead to some serious drinking
With the Southern and Spider
I would be an insider
But who’d be left doing the thinking?
If a party we three ever threw
It would be both rewarding and new
We could watch some old Bogart
Hear some Zeppelin or Mozart
But it’d be a hoot to toot with you two
There once was a Shepherd named Mach
Whose build was as strong as a rock
But his mind often wondered
And his duties he blundered
'Til the wolf had made off with the flock
There once was a Knight named McBrick
Who’s tactics were daring and quick
'Stead of jousting and swordplay
He’d engage in some foreplay
And whole kingdoms he won with his prick
The Spider’s victims are lead,
By her charms and claims of “wide spread”,
But I’m using tact,
it’s just simple fact,
that the spider’s alure get you dead.
Is this the official Limerick Clique or can anyone join in? I sent this to TN*hippie in a letter today. Please keep in mind, this is my first ever:
There once was a fella named Kent
And to the slammer he went
The body search he did pass
With a plug up his ass
So sodomy he could prevent
I’m sure all of us will agree
that the more, the merrier we’ll be.
So GW, keep typing
your doggerel sniping
until TN*Hippie is free.