I once had a girl o’re for dinner
Doing my best so i could win her
But my supper was awful
(No one likes greasy waffles)
And tasted like it was from Winter!
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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There once was a guy from Toledo
Who liked to ride his bike in a speedo
But a bump he did hit
Up the tailpipe it went
And changed the baratone to soprano!
“I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”-- Calvin and Hobbes
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There was a young lady from Venus
Whose body was shaped like a penis.
“Come give me a hug,
And I’ll splatter the rug,
'Cause we haven’t got latex between us!”
Bob the Random Expert
“If we don’t have the answer, we’ll make one up.”
There once was a man named Horatio
Who pondered at length on the ratio
Of men to women who believe
It’s better to give than receive:
Women won, hands down, with fellatio.
For months on this board I’ve read posts
On science, religion, and personal roasts,
Politics and dreams;
But my favorites, it seems,
Are the ones about breasts and butts and
bedposts.
With TennHippie’s thinking, (so base!)
And that lecherous smirk on his face,
How could you admire him
Or I divinely inspire him
To represent me in this place?
While I flirt with the likes of Dianne, Byz, and Trish;
Spiritually speaking, I’m a satellite dish.
I’m human, don’t be awed
Just 'cause I channel GOD;
I can’t pee wine or multiply fish.
There is a nice whore in Pawtucket
Who can grab your cob and shuck it
The sign over her door
Is graced with this lore
If you can find better pussy cheaper then f#ck it
Ronald McDaonald was an itinerant clown
His shtick included pulling his pants down
He showed the little boys
How to play with their toys
Until thier parents would run him out of town
A guy with an oral obsession
Met a girl who suffered repression.
But he did not spurn 'er
For she was a quick learner
Once she found out “blow” was just an
expression.
Guys can really be such damn fools
With their focus on organs as tools.
Thinking “bigger is better”
When in fact gals get much wetter
With sweet talk and caresses (and in pools).
My woman done gone and left me
She used to aim whilst I pee
Now I’m distraught
At frightening thought
That she’s fondling another’s wee-wee
There was a court jester whose prose
was so bad everyone laughed through his nose.
They thought he was illiterate,
but in fact it was deliberate.
He was banned for bad grammar, I suppose.
There once was an infamous hall,
Where there was no gravity at all.
What a glorious feeling
To screw on the ceiling,
And to ball on the wall and not fall.
High school was boring as hell,
But one English teacher was swell.
I wish she were here
(She’s departed, poor dear)
To see how Lit class served me well.
A delightful poem is the limerick.
Silliness makes you a winner. (Ick!)
You may freely abuse
Any word that you choose;
e.g. the Maneuver Himherlick.
There is a young Clinton named Chelsea
Whose looks most men find kind of cheesy
I don’t quite concur
My heart she makes purr
I hope that doesn’t make me sound sleezy
SUN-E-VU DAIRY- Hoping you get butter soon
Some brave mountaineers climbed Everest
Putting their minds and bodies to the test
Some would summit
Others would plummet
And have an icy grave for their final rest
SUN-E-VU DAIRY- Emptying Teats twice daily
Ever since I emerged from the womb
I’ve loved limericks, and will to the tomb.
Though I’m not good at timing
And even worse at rhyming,
I’ll continue to write them with aplomb.
They were just getting good: don’t stop!
Humor as good as O. Wilde’s (the fop)
In case you were wondering
About this shameless blundering:
Yes, I’m getting this thread back on top!
I can’t keep this up there alone,
Though on and on I could drone.
Getting sleepy and surly
Because morning comes early
When you live in the Eastern Time Zone!