Line-at-a-time limericks

[Fish]

A lady who’s slightly obese,
with manners slightly from Greece,
once boarded a ship,
to go skinny dip*

but she was observed by police.

changed to make meter fit

General note: a limerick is rhyme scheme AABBA. The lines 1, 2, and 5 have 3 metrical feet (da DA da da DA da da DA). The lines 3 and 4 have only two metrical feet (da DA da da DA).

The classic example:

There was an old man from The Heath
Who sat on a pair of false teeth
He jumped up with a start,
And said, “Oh bless my heart,
I’ve bitten myself underneath!”

If you didn’t waste your childhood reading silly books of baudy limericks, then fer gosh sakes, what did you do for fun?

[lieu]

I always use this one for comparison to make sure I’ve got it right…

There once was a young girl named Alice
Who chose dynamite for use as a phallus
'Cept when she lit a match
They found half of her snatch
In Ft. Worth… and the rest in Dallas

[Fish]

@threnodyangelfire

The Family
My mother, my father and me

Know all our genealogy

Here’s a few more silly starters:

The Elephant
An elephant went to the Nile

Working Too Hard
A mathematician went crazy

The Zoo
An Englishman went to the zoo

Faith
A rabbi, a pope and a priest

Two Coats
I bought some invisible paint

[NailBunny]

@Fish

Working Too Hard
A mathematician went crazy

His calculations became a bit hazy

@Fish

Two Coats
I bought some invisible paint

Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t

[Fish]

Working Too Hard
A mathematician went crazy
His calculations became a bit hazy

He did all his sums

Two Coats
I bought some invisible paint
Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t

I can’t find my house

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

Working Too Hard
A mathematician went crazy
His calculations became a bit hazy
He did all his sums

Using only his thumbs

[Civil_Guy]

A mathematician went crazy
His calculations became a bit hazy
He did all his sums
Using only his thumbs
And mapped his mind onto a daisy

[freckafree]

@lieu

I always use this one for comparison to make sure I’ve got it right…

There once was a young girl named Alice
Who chose dynamite for use as a phallus
'Cept when she lit a match
They found half of her snatch
In Ft. Worth… and the rest in Dallas

…which I learned as:

It blew her vagina
To South Carolina
And her anus is somewhere near Dallas.

But on to the challenge!

I bought some invisible paint.
Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t.
I can’t find my house.
I can’t find my spouse!

A rabbi, a pope, and a priest
Were arguing who had the least

[Fish]

I bought some invisible paint.
Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t.
I can’t find my house.
I can’t find my spouse!

But that’s really not a complaint.

A rabbi, a pope, and a priest
Were arguing who had the least

The priest, he had nun;

[MadTheSwine]

Quote:
A rabbi, a pope, and a priest
Were arguing who had the least
The priest, he had nun

and to finish the pun,

[Fish]

@MadTheSwine

Quote:
A rabbi, a pope, and a priest
Were arguing who had the least
The priest, he had nun
and to finish the pun,

The rabbi and pope dioceased.

[Sternvogel]

@Fish

The Elephant
An elephant went to the Nile

And promptly, he spotted a pile

The Zoo
An Englishman went to the zoo

And noticed a strange bird that flew

[freckafree]

@Sternvogel

And noticed a strange bird that flew

With its beak in its bum

[Fish]

The Elephant
An elephant went to the Nile
And promptly, he spotted a pile

Of crocodile dung

The Zoo
An Englishman went to the zoo
And noticed a strange bird that flew
With its beak in its bum

And he wondered how come

[dwc1970]

Working Too Hard
A mathematician went crazy
His calculations became a bit hazy
He did all his sums
COunting on his thumbs
Two Coats
I bought some invisible paint
Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t
I can’t find my house
And I can’t find my spouse

[hocow]

Two Coats
I bought some invisible paint
Offensive and gaudy, it ain’t
I can’t find my house
I can’t find my spouse
And now I’m starting to feel faint.