Speaking as a connoisseur and a composer of such, let me state that, in my not at all humble opinion here are three kinds of limericks:
funny ones
clean ones*
3 failed ones that are both blue and blaah.
Bearing that in mind, I’ve come up with perhaps the dirtiest darkest limerick ever. I worry about myself that I composed the following, errrrmmmm, poem:
Warning probably NSFW:
When an impotent middle aged john
Had strangled a whore with her thong
He exclaimed “What a load
Off my mind and my choad!
I thought I was doing it wrong!”.
That is all. Thank you.
*unless your name is Ogden Nash. If so, you are dead and therefore should not be reading this message.
There once was an ill-mannered slut
Who was taking it right up the butt
When the man, name of Burt
Wouldn’t stop with the hurt
She turned 'round and bit off a nut.
A long-dick’ed fucker named Fry
Was making a skinny whore cry
When she opened her lips
To tell him outward to slip
He shot his load right in his eye.
Not bad, on Oxy…
You want more? You want dirty? Okee dokee, hokey-pokey, let’s get this on!
When decades of gross overuse
Made her pussy distressingly loose
She hurried back home
Ninety miles north of Nome
Where she must have recourse to a moose.
In Afghanistan, Private LaRue
Attempted a camel to screw
But instead of doin’ it
It bit off his unit
And kicked his ass clear to Kabul.
A low life who lived in a bog
Was seen honing his bone in a hog.
When asked “What the dickens?”
He said “It beats chickens,
And it’s safer than fucking my dog.”
I know, I know, I know, 3 bestialities in a row…dast someone suggest that His Extreme DeLuxness hath cut himself a rut? Well, rut on these:
A twisted mortician named Fred
Gets his kicks with the recently dead.
He smears the deceased
With warm bacon grease-
What follows is best left unsaid.
A gayboy of Galveston Bay
Sucked 99 dicks in a day
He’d have tried for one more
But his knees became sore
And his uvula got in the way.
And, for the win, my magnum opus:
An unfortunate pervert named Mertz
Whose fetish was frozen desserts
Got a frostbitten choad
fucking pie a la mode
And screamed “Holy SHIT, man, that HURTS!”
(Why, yes, I do like the word “choad”, and I think it ought to be brought back into common currency.)
From the rocks at the cove of St Giles
came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the Pope,
“Goodness gracious! Has Father Ignatius
forgotten the Bishop has piles?!?”
There once was a senator from Mass.,
Who looked for a nice piece of ass.
He lucked up and found her,
then fucked up and drowned her.
Now she’s just food for the bass.
I’ve always liked this one.
There once was a gentleman from Perth,
who was kept from his girlie friend’s skirt.
He said, “Do you fear
a prick?” She said “Dear,
it’s not the prick, it’s the squirt!”
A stylish young whore from Manila,
When bedecked in her favorite chinchilla,
Was called to the zoo,
Whilst removing her shoe,
Serviced their bachelor gorilla.
There was an old whore from Azores
whose cunt was all covered with sores.
The dogs wouldn’t eat
the hunks of green meat
that hung in festoons from her drawers.
There once was a young man from Uppingham
who stood up on a bridge down at Buckingham
watching the stunts
of the cunts in their punts
and the tricks of the pricks that were fucking them.
