Ah yes, I also sing the Doom song when I get bored. Or whenever the Doom movie is mentioned. I’m also fond of “YOU SPEAK MADNESS!” and “OBEY THE FIST!”
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
(Of course, for practical purposes, not being strong in the Force, I always have to follow that up with something involving a Bowie knife . . .
But I never said that and no prosecuting attorney can prove otherwise!)
My brother’s entire life is Family Guy quotes. I’m not kidding - he has a Family Guy response for everything. I love the show too, but I haven’t picked up on the lingo like he has. But he taught me a good one to use.
Example: Someone says something witty/insulting/dumb/anything, besically.
Me: Well that may be, but I only have to wear one goggle when I go swimming in my pool!
I have no idea what episode that line came from. I assume Peter lost an eye or something. But it makes people laugh.
I’m officially sick of that overrated hack Kevin Smith, but whenever someone describes crime, vandalism, or some kind of contact with “bad elements,” I’ll solemnly shake my head and reply “Buncha savages in this town.”
I’ve picked up a lot of Joss Whedonisms from Buffy and Angel as well, like Xander’s statement of agreement “You’re not wrong,” instead of the more common “You’re right.” I avoid using Faith’s very affected “Five by five,” though.
And nobody can exit a room, a social setting, or even a story without a dramatic opening of the hand, accompanied by “And like THAT, he was gone.”
Actually, it’s when Peter decides to form his independent nation after learning that his house doesn’t appear on any map of the city, or of the US (He named it Petoria. According to him, he “was going to call it ‘Peterland,’ but that gay bar by the airport took it.”)
Peter starts digging a hole for his pool, and hits an underground cable. The repairman that comes over says your response when Peter says, “Yeah…well? Your eyes are too close together!”
A couple that I use from that show:
“Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch.”
(After someone says that they’ve read a book/article/etc about something) “Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t…nothing?”
And just about every line from Monty Python & the Holy Grail and Dodgeball at some point.
Oh! And, from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, whenever someone tries something, and it doesn’t work: “Our situation has not improved.”
From the first two Terminator movies: “I’ll be back” and “Get out”.
When realizing I forgot something, bumping my head, etc, the Homerism “D’Oh!” has become nearly habitual.
When someone explains that doing something is easier than it would seem, or counter-intuitive, “There is no spoon” from The Matirx
From Lock, Stock & 2 Smoking Barrells “One of them “on a need to know basis” things is it. Like one of them James Bond films.”
Whenever some compliments me for some neat thing I did:
“I have moments.” from the original Assault on Precinct 13.
WHen told I will ABSOLUTLY not be allowed to do something:
“I guess a blowjob would be out of the question.” from Repoman.
And from the theatre tech crowd in Houston. WHen something, particularly a show, performance, singer, actor, speaker, etc. is God awful bad:
“Cue the sniper!”
This can be used anytime you think that the gene pool needs a little weeding.
Which reminds me of another. When someone does somthing incredibly stupid that results in an extremely dangerous situation:
“Evolution in Action.” from Oath of Fealty.
“They mostly come at night…mostly.”
Anything from Airplane!
Anyone: “Surely you can’t be serious?”
Me: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley."
OR
When I’m out with one particular friend who shares my fondness for lines from Airplane:
Me: So let’s say we can pull this off…
Both of us in unison: We can pull this off.
OR
When someone is trying to get a difficult task done:
Me: I just wanted to say good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Stock cliche of enthusiastic approval or assent: “I’ll buy that for a dollar!” (Robocop.)
Stock cliche of resigned assent: “Alright.” (Peon voice from Warcraft.)
Stock cliche of my-mind-is-made-up-and-we’re-not-discussing-it-anymore: “Get away from me, or I’ll hit you with this tire-iron.” (Accompanied with pantomime of brandishing a tire iron. Grumpy Dave from Late Night with David Letterman, circa 1985. I totally forget the context.)
Stock response to long-winded complaining co-worker: “Maybe you should try a little… work.” (Kids in the Hall.)
Stock cliche of initiating-telephone-conversation-or-enterphone: “It is I, Dave: The King.” (Larry “Bud” Melman’s Elvis non-impersonation, also from Late Night with David Letterman. circa 1986. Used only for my friend Jason, who uses it with me the same way. We watched a lot of TV when we were younger.)
Stock cliche of initiating-snacking-behaviour: “Consume mass quantities!” (SNL, Coneheads.)
Stock cliche of taking-my-leave: “I gotta go change a tampax.” (Forbidden Zone)
Stock cliche of this-conversation-is-over-so-let’s-get-out-of-the-lengthy-saying-goodbye-loop: “Yeah, yeah, we’ll always have Paris, talk to you later.” (Sort of Casablanca.)
Stock response to “I’ll try to make it over on Friday”-type statements: “There is no try.” (Empire Strikes Back)
Tag-team comment on heavy drinking: (Requires Jason-unit) “Shall I insert the spigot directly into your mouth, madame?” “No, I prefer a rectal tube, actually.” “Yes… Rectally, I think.” (Codco.)
Stock cliche of party enthusiasm: “There’s a fire in my brain, and I’m going to start a few more fires!” (Strange Brew)
Stock cliche of somebody-mentioned-the-number-seven: “Seven! It’s always seven!” (Seven-fingered guy from Kids in the Hall.)
Jeez, looking at that list, you’d think I was a lot weirder than I am. I’m glad that I use them sparingly.
My brother and I love using quotes from Warcraft.
Used when mildly pissed off at someone: I hate you, I HATE YOU!! … Call me!
Used when someone is excited over something mundane: You don’t get out much, do you?
Used when drinking beer: Where’s me drink? There’s me drink! GET IN MY BELLY!
And at random moments we will quote the Demon Hunter’s “Darkness called me… but I was on the phone, so I missed him” monologue.
Spaced is a big reference point between me and my friends. I wouldn’t have thought it’s been shown in the U.S. so a lot of you probably haven’t seen it, but you really should.
When someone does something completely unnecessary or is just generally wasting time when we’re in ahurry to get somewhere (has to be said with the right tone of voice and gesture):
“What you doin’?”
In the middle of a long boring anecdote:
“Skip to the end…”
When excusing yourself (whispered):
“I’m gonna do a wee”
Requires teamwork:
“Are you ready?”
“I was born ready”
“Yeah, but are you ready now?”
“Ummm… Yeah”
When someone states the obvious:
“Aw, I hadn’t fought o’ dat”
There’s probably loads more that I can’t remember or don’t even notice. Sometimes it’s only on rewatching an episode for the nth time that I 'll consciously realise that one of our pat phrases is actually a quote.
Which reminds me: “going commando” seems to be pretty much universally understood these days as going without underwear, but apparently it was entirely the invention of the Friends writers.
You’re obviously spending your time with the wrong people.
I try to use “It’s, like, my favorite animal” whenever possible. The opportunity doesn’t present itself often.
I order tater tots at my college’s cafeteria a lot, partly because I like tater tots but mostly for the chance to say “No! Get your own!” I’m also hoping that tater tots will become more popular with other people in my crew, so that I can say “Gimme your tots” more often.
Myself and two other trainees in boot camp used this all the time, except replacing “brochure” (which was IIRC the correct original item) with whatever noun is relevant. “Are you sure it was Sudafed? Are you sure it wasn’t…nothing?”
Tango & Cash is a guilty pleasure movie of mine. Similar to this quote, whenever someone says something about either myself or someone else being creative/smart/etc, I tend to say, “This guy [or I] has milliseconds of genius.”
Generally, when a conversation has come to a halt, I blurt this out:
"Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes “click.” … Nobody fucks with the Jesus. "
Bastages! - Johnny Dangerously
My two favorite Marge Simpsonism:
“I can’t begin to tell you what’s wrong with that statement.” Whenever anyone says anything that’s totally off the wall.
“Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out.” A saying of her uncle Bob. I use it whenever I have to do a bunch of tasks and everything gets done right.
“Oh Christ, they sent me a moron!” from Scent of a Woman
“Bitches leave.” - Robocop. Perfect for when the bitches won’t, you know, just leave already.
Besides various Simpsons quotations for whatever situation they’re needed for, when somebody asks me if I’m doing nothing and I’m not really doing anything in particular, I’ll say I’m “just knifeing around” instead of “screwing around.” This comes from an episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast (not coincidentially titled Knifeing Around) in which Space Ghost interviews a singer (I forget who it was), and he states that he will write a song about a knife. SG replies, “OK, you do that.” When the singer changes his mind, Space Ghost decides to write his own on the spot: “I’m a knife, knifeing around. Cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut-cut…”