Around here, often heard is:
“I’m in love with a retard.”
“Is he bigger than me?”
–Animal House
And the staple of every geek household:
“I love you.”
“I know.”
–Empire Strikes Back
So what lines have you adopted as your own?
We’ll often use Princess Bride lines, as in the following examples:
Me: Looks like we’re running low on bread.
My wife: Inconthieveable!
or
My wife: I can’t find my book. Have you seen it?
Me: Anybody wanna peanut?
It must be “twoo blave.” 
Aaron Sorkin apparently wrote most of “The West Wing” to script my life.
“There’s something a little bit freakish about you, you know that?”
“Well, I feel bathed in your confidence as well.”
“Humor. It is a difficult concept.”
Many, but some favorites are:
“The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle holds the brew that is true.”
“And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes that rhubarb does.”
“It’s a cookbook!”
“I don’t know. It’s a mystery.”
“Ah, well, it’s no use prevaricating about the bush.”
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”
“Sir, there is a multilegged creature crawling on your shoulder.”
“Plunk your magic twanger, Froggy.”
“Oh, by the way. Don’t eat the figs.”
“Say you’re thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone says plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Out of the blue. No use looking for one either. It’s part of the lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything.”
“The District Attorney’s a Republican.”
“Anyone can say he’s a writer. But when someone else says you’re a writer, then you’re a writer.”
Mrs. Piper tends to be the one who wants to try new things; I tend to be the one who sticks with the existing options.
Inevitably in one of our discussions on a new approach, Mrs. Piper quotes Shrek from Shrek 2: “Change is good, Donkey.”
There’s a line in Parenthood where, after Mary Steenburgen explains that her preschool son “likes to butt things” with his head, Rick Moranis sarcastically replies “How proud you must be.” I caught my sister using that one in a conversation, which was great because I hadn’t suspected anybody else knew that one.
And of course, when anybody says “Walk this way,” I have to give the Groucho Marx reply: “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the linament!”
In the late 80s, I worked with a Honduran guy who liked to say “Isn’t thot especial.” Very angry little guy, that one.
And level with me, guys… Who hasn’t said “Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred” just to watch the bartender roll his eyes?
Not I. “Chevas, straight up,” just to see $ in his eyes. 
As do we.
But our “INCONCEIVABLE!” is always followed by “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
The Shining He must be…corrected
Nobody ever expects an inquisition
I heard the first annual instance of my brother saying “Dear Santy Claus” yesterday (from a Cookie Monster sketch “Christmas Eve on Sesame Street”)
“How many syllables, Mario?” from Putney Swope
Our cousin’s last name is Smith and we used to tease him with “Will somebody please tell Mr. Smith that his hat is in the onion dip” but we’re not sure where that’s from. I think The Electric Company.
My friends and I will often drg out *Beavis & Butthead * quotes like “your mother’s a slot” when we’re being raunchy.
I’ll be back.
We don’t recall the show - was it a sitcom or a movie? At any rate, husband and wife are arguing and the wife is concerned about his spending money on something and she says, “we won’t have enough money to eat!”
He looks at her and says, “oh, you and your food.”
Maybe you had to be there, but whenever we want to buy something but money is tight, one of us will look at the other and say, “oh, you and your food…”
“No you won’t!” from the Office’s David Brent’s music video of season two:
The timing is just hilarious.
Your gonna need a bigger boat.
It’s a date…you Eat Them!
Fat, Drunk, and Stupid is No way to go through Life, son.
“That’s the second biggest (fill in the blank) I’ve ever seen!”
You might, rabbit, you might.
“Oh Christ, they sent me a moron.”
My wife likes “I don’t think so, Tim.”
Tim
Haha, I get jokes! (After a joke.)
Your logic does not resemble our earth logic. (When someone has a silly idea.)
I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T. (When I do something dumb.)
Actually, I could probably describe my life using only Simpsons and Buffy/Angel quotes.
“She looks so…”
“…Bulgarian in that outfit?”
Around the hospital we like to quote Dwight.
“Question: where are the 3cc syringes?”
I like a good “You’re out of your element Donny, shut the fuck up.”