I grew up playing with toy guns; there’s no telling how many of them I owned. At that time, they had the awesome super-realistic replica guns that I could never afford, but I still spent more than my share of birthday money on the cheaper plastic versions.
Of course the realistic ones are gone, but I think I always assumed that my son would end up having toy guns to play with. I even remember saying 5 or so years ago that I had no problem with him playing with toy guns, didn’t see the big deal. I came across an article once that said that little boys will make a gun out of anything. Can’t find the story now, but they gave boys Barbie dolls to play with…what did the boys do? Promptly bent them at a 90-degree angle and used them as guns.
Given all this, I was rather surprised at my reaction a few days ago at something that occurred while eating a perfectly ordinary lunch. My almost-3 y/o picked up a long French fry. It flopped over in half, sticking off the end of his little fist. He looked at it for a few seconds, the pointed it at the wall and said “pt-chew, pt-chew, pt-chew”…the classic little gun sound.
For some reason, it made me profoundly sad. Maybe it was because of the recent shooting…I certainly thought about him a lot after that. Also, I probably saw that moment as a little loss of innocence. When he decided that the best thing to do with cars was crash them, it was cute but I admit to feeling uneasy about it. But I didn’t find it cute when he “pt-chew”-ed with a fry.
He did something similar with a triangular block a few days later. I never saw myself as the type of parent who would try to direct a boy away from playing pretend guns in a low-grade level of panic. But, here I am.
I suppose I’ll just have to learn to deal with it, it’s probably futile to get mad or punish him or forbid him from doing it…I’ll just keep directing him to something else if it comes up again. Maybe try to explain to him that it makes people (including Daddy) uncomfortable.
Give a group of little girls sticks and they’ll sit in a circle discussing how much the sticks look like a little family.
Give a group of little boys sticks and they’ll run around hitting stuff with the sticks and “shooting” each other.
Unless the great social experiment to civilize us has made progress since my children were small.
It is sad. If you look at it in a negative sort of way. But that same drawing together and bonding instinct in female children is what keeps people connected and civil.
And that same kinetic energy that seems to inspire little males is what influences architecture and keeping the infrastructure afloat. And what is it with little boys and all the motor, gun and explosive noises? They seem to have an instinctual drive going on with how they and things can influence other things. So it seems like it’s all about channeling that energy and instilling healthy values.
A huge stereotypical generalization, I know. And there would be a lot to discuss here. But in the simpler world of children it’s easier to get a glimpse of us with less social veneer. And as biological/social creatures we do have some recognizable characteristics.
I was strongly anti-war when my children were little. Vietnam era. No child of mine would ever play toy guns. One day I looked out my kitchen window and all the little neighborhood boys were shooting my little boy with elaborate toy guns and he was bravely holding down the fort with - what else? - a stick.
All that young mommy competitivity came to the surface. My son got his own gun like every other kid in the neighborhood. Later came the expensive Nikes, the scooter, all those “must haves.” All against my principles and secret promises to myself that I wouldn’t violate them and give in to corporate and social pressure.
Of course all of the above included quiet talks in quiet times about family values and external pressures.
It’s all okay. Neither of my children turned out violent. Whew.
I don’t think it’s sad at all. Males just have a natural tendency, however slight or great, to exert their force on the world. Obviously in a civilized society rather than “wild kingdom” that urge needs to be highly regulated, maybe that’s a role that sports fill.
It’s not just boys. My three-year-old daughter fights things with imaginary swords and guns, too - not as much as her boy cousin, but she does it. I have no clue where she got the gun idea.
It’s not about hurting or killing, at this age. They don’t make that connection at all. It’s about knowing that you’re able to have some influence, in this big scary incomprehensible world - that, if you should encounter a baddie/wolf/monster/whatever scary thing is out there, you have the power to fight it off.
I actually see that as a good thing. I want my daughter to feel like she can fight the scary things of this world. I’ve never tried to discourage the sword or the gun - just to make it clear that you never ever hit actual people or animals with them, because you’d hurt them. Imaginary baddies, if they don’t get out of the house when ordered to, are fair game.
For myself I think I’d be okay with my kid playing with nerf weapons, laser guns, light sabres–clearly fantasy weapons… rather than an even a neon-colored but still real looking gun.
I wasn’t allowed to play with toy guns as a child. I used sticks, pieces of wood, tinkertoys, or borrowed my friend’s toy guns. It’s just natural for little boys. Even before guns were invented little boys wood find an appropriate shaped stick, point it at other kids, and go “Blam! Blam!”. But I should have been allowed to play with toy guns as a child. It was very embarassing to be the only kid without a toy gun. Probably the reason I became a serial killer when I grew up.
Too late for edit, but it occurred to me that I should probably add that I don’t come from a gun culture - I don’t know anyone who owns a gun, even our cops mostly don’t carry them - so my associations with gun play are probably very different from an American’s. I might feel differently if guns were a real presence in my world, rather than being something closer to a metaphor.
Push You Down, I like the distinction between fantasy weapons and real ones. I’m going to keep that in mind.
I think electric wench nailed it. Young kids playing with toy guns are playing with the idea of being powerful; they don’t yet understand the concepts of killing or death, so they don’t see their play the way adults do.
I do think any guns children are allowed to play with should clearly recognizable as toys (in order to prevent a tragedy), and that you son’s reaching the age when talking about the difference between “play” guns versus real guns is appropriate. The sooner he learns that real guns are not toys and he should NEVER touch a real gun without an adult right there, the better.