So I’m at Kmart last night looking for a drill bit so I can the door, and I walk over to the little Caesars in Kmart because this job is going to recquire some pizza, and my wife’s home cooking leaves something to be desired.
It was never any good, and now that she’s cooking “healthy things” for our daughter, it’s even worse.
“Welcome to Little Caesars. Can I take your order?” says the kid in the flannel shirt.
“Yeah, I’d like a large pepperoni and onion, and gimme one of those crazy breads, and could you dip them in some extra of that cheesie grease?”
“What?”
“Large pepperoni and onion and…”
“No. I got that. What was that grease thing?”
“The Crazy bread. I want extra grease.”
"It’s “dressing.”
“No,” I say. “It’s “grease,” and I want extra. Could you dip them in extra grease, please?”
“I could put it in a litle container.”
“Or maybe you could dip them in some extra grease for me. I’d appreciate it.”
“Ok.” He stares at me for about thirty seconds.
“Sooo…?”
“Oh,” he says. “It’ll be about 15 minutes. We have to make the pizza.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“What’s your name? We’ll page you so you can continue shopping.”
“It’s Al.”
“Al?”
“Al.”
“AAAAAALLLLLLLL…” He starts laughing almost soundlessly. I raise my eybrows.
“Al,” he says. “Like that guy in that show.”
“Excuse me?”
“That show. You know. That show. The tool show.”
“Ummmm…” I say.
“Tool Time! That’s it!”
“Oh yeah. Home Improvement.”
“Yeah!!!”
“Ok.”
“AAAAAAALLLLLLLLL.”
“Uh yeah.”
“I like that show.”
“Good.”
“It’s funny.”
“So, you’ll page me when the pizza’s ready?”
“Ok, AAAAAALLLLLL.” His shoulders are shaking with silent laughter as he thinks about Tim Taylor and his sidekick, Al.
Of, course it’s like ten minutes later that I hear his voice over the Kmart loudspeaker. “AAAAAAALLLLLLLLL. You’re pizza’s ready.”
The crazy bread is so soaked with grease, it’s like he just soaked them in it, and the pepperoni, onions, and cheese are unevenly distributed across the pizza.
Damn.
