Little Caesars at Kmart

The BBQ Pit
1

So I’m at Kmart last night looking for a drill bit so I can the door, and I walk over to the little Caesars in Kmart because this job is going to recquire some pizza, and my wife’s home cooking leaves something to be desired.

It was never any good, and now that she’s cooking “healthy things” for our daughter, it’s even worse.

“Welcome to Little Caesars. Can I take your order?” says the kid in the flannel shirt.

“Yeah, I’d like a large pepperoni and onion, and gimme one of those crazy breads, and could you dip them in some extra of that cheesie grease?”

“What?”

“Large pepperoni and onion and…”

“No. I got that. What was that grease thing?”

“The Crazy bread. I want extra grease.”

"It’s “dressing.”

“No,” I say. “It’s “grease,” and I want extra. Could you dip them in extra grease, please?”

“I could put it in a litle container.”

“Or maybe you could dip them in some extra grease for me. I’d appreciate it.”

“Ok.” He stares at me for about thirty seconds.

“Sooo…?”

“Oh,” he says. “It’ll be about 15 minutes. We have to make the pizza.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“What’s your name? We’ll page you so you can continue shopping.”

“It’s Al.”

“Al?”

“Al.”

“AAAAAALLLLLLLL…” He starts laughing almost soundlessly. I raise my eybrows.

“Al,” he says. “Like that guy in that show.”

“Excuse me?”

“That show. You know. That show. The tool show.”

“Ummmm…” I say.

“Tool Time! That’s it!”

“Oh yeah. Home Improvement.”

“Yeah!!!”

“Ok.”

“AAAAAAALLLLLLLLL.”

“Uh yeah.”

“I like that show.”

“Good.”

“It’s funny.”

“So, you’ll page me when the pizza’s ready?”
“Ok, AAAAAALLLLLL.” His shoulders are shaking with silent laughter as he thinks about Tim Taylor and his sidekick, Al.
Of, course it’s like ten minutes later that I hear his voice over the Kmart loudspeaker. “AAAAAAALLLLLLLLL. You’re pizza’s ready.”
The crazy bread is so soaked with grease, it’s like he just soaked them in it, and the pepperoni, onions, and cheese are unevenly distributed across the pizza.

Damn.

2

Wow, deja vu ummm… Al.

3

Um, Scylla, I have a couple of questions.

Just what in that initial exchange made you think that that kid and his fellow drones could actually make an edible pizza?

You were looking for a drill bit to do what to your door?

K-Mart is still in business?

4

Little Caesars is still in business?

5

And really, what exactly does <blech> Little Caesars have to do with Pizza anyway. Pizza is food. I’ve never seen anything resembling food at Little Caesers.

Even Dominos is closer to actual pizza than Little Caesars.

Fenris, Pizza Snob At Large

6

nope, the problem **I ** see with the OP is that he’s obviously forgotten the basic rule of customer service:

the amount of passive/agressive behavior is directly can be determined by the simple equation:

(wage of customer service worker) X (Age of Customer Service Worker) / (number of years of customer service work) X( amount of personal debt of customer service worker)

So, his experience was quite predictable, I suspect.

7

So the wife and I are at the world’s smallest carnival (six rides, six game booths, snack bar) last night, riding the roughly 30 foot tall ferris wheel, which is scaring her and boring me, when I see, at the top, a Little Ceaser’s Pizza. Unsatisfied with stating the merely obvious, I felt compelled to state the increidibly obvious, “Hey, there’s a Little Ceaser’s Pizza over there,” pointing, despite the fact that Mrs. Six had her eyes covered. After convincing her that the Kamikazee (ond of those hammer type rides that rock you back and forth, eventually turning you upside down) was actually pretty gentle, and not as bad as the ferris wheel, we head over to the Little Ceaser’s and there’s an actual Italian guy working there. Not Italian-American, Italian, as in speaks with a thick Italian accent and has difficulty with rapidly spoken English. An actual Italian working at the least Italian Italian restaurant in existence seems somehow surrealistic. I’m not surprised to see Chinese people at Chinese restaurants, or French people at French restaurants, but I routinely expect the people working at the Italian eateries to be Mexican.

I have no actual comment to make, except this: I like pie.

8

Number Six, does Fenris know you’ve been messing with his wheel? :smiley:

I like pizza pie.

9

**

I wasn’t looking for good, I was just looking for edible, and there’s something about really bad fast food that’s actually good. Or maybe Little Caesars is one of those places you need to go to once every six months to make sure the food is still disgusting.

**

Fix the door. I know I typed “fix” it just didn’t show up. And, I know I only hit the friggin’ submit button once, but this thread posted twice.

I don’t understand.

K-Mart is still in business? **
[/QUOTE]

10

Kmart sucks. Now we have to hock these stupid bookmarks for the March of Dimes.

Now, anyone who knows me KNOWS I would have no objection to the MoD whatsoever. It’s a good cause. HOWEVER, I also HATE putting people on the spot and asking them if they want to buy something. And this is a charity thing. I tried to refuse and was told that it was grounds for termination-“insubordination”.

What the fuck ever, KrapMart.

(I don’t mind a good cause-I just don’t think the checkout stand is the place to do it.)

11

I used to tell the delivery drones for Little Ceasar’s that I’d double their tip if they said “pizza pizza” like on the commercials.

Some of them got quite good at it.

But then Papa John’s opened around here, and I’ve never gone back since. Sadly, Papa John’s doesn’t have any sort of phrase or jingle that I can make the delivery drones sing.

They get phat tips anyway though. Makes them arrive faster.