I think this is dodging the issue, though. I mean, the question is “Does the ‘princess’ ideal potentially encourage negative personality traits?” and the answer “No, not for us because we’ve totally redefined it” seems to be avoiding the issue. There does exist a convention out there of a princess as someone who is celebrated and distinguished by her femininity: her youthful beauty, her delicacy, her adornment, her helplessness, her very lack of utility.
What one could blame Disney for is continuing to normalize that view of ideal womanhood. It is not “lazy” parenting to stay hyper-alert for the cultural pressures that are exerted on our children in order to be able to respond to them.
Now, some people have made some very interesting arguments that the hyper-feminine convention of what it means to be a princess is out of date, and that to the current crop of little girls, that’s not what a princess is at all. I do think some of the old remains, especially, as Hippy Hollow pointed out, they are always pretty. I would add to that that I think they are always popular, and I think one of the most insidious ideals we impress more heavily on girls than boys is that being popular is more important than being right. However, I am very comforted to hear that the term is becoming broad to the point of meaninglessness.
But even some of the “modern” Disney versions give some pretty bad messages–The Little Mermaid says “change everything about yourself for a guy” and Beauty and the Beast says “stay in an abusive relationship so you can change him.” Princesses as an abstract concept I have no problems with, but some of the specifics have an ugly side.
My daughter goes to an all-girls school and last year in Kindergarten/Reception they had a dress-up-as-your-favorite-book-character day. End result: 18 princesses or fairy tale characters, 1 “Little Miss Sunshine” (from the Mr Men/Little Miss books, not the Abigail Breslin film) and my daughter…dressed like Curious George. The picture of the monkey surrounded by princesses (and one big yellow ball) is priceless.
I’m trying to keep my daughter away from the worst excesses of the Disney princesses as long as possible, and in fact the only princess role model I’ve encouraged is this one:
This princess stuff is fine…until its not. A family can hide behind any overly- hyped and marketed crap - princesses, violent video games, whatever.
Can it be harmful? Absolutely - if it’s indulged of the point of giving the kid a Precious Snowflake mindset. But parents who let that happen would’ve let that happen with or without the Princess hype.
Thus reminding one and all that Princess Leia can hold her own in a shootout, negotiate with a grenade in hand, and strangle the bad guy with a length of chain before tromping through the woods to play guerrilla.
Princesses who marry into it in this era tend to be pretty exceptional women.
Charlene of Monoco was an Olympic swimmer.
Crown Princess Masako of Japan hold a bachelors (magna cum laude) from Harvard in Economics.
Letitza, married to the Crown Prince in Spain, has what is the Spanish equivalent of a Masters degree in Journalism.
Mette-Marit, Crown Princess of Norway, was a rebellious woman and waitressed in a diner before catching the eye of her prince, but after becoming crown princess, earned a Masters in Executive Management.
Queen Maxima (recently since Bea stepped down) was an investment banker.
Princess Lalla Sama (Morocco) was a systems engineer
Queen Raina (who is drop dead gorgeous) has a degree from the American University in Cairo and worked for Apple and Citibank before her marriage.
Princess Haya (who was born into it, she is a daughter of the late King Hussein of Jordan) has her degree from Oxford in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (which seems appropriate for a princess).
And while princes generally don’t marry unattractive women, if you look, you’ll find that they often marry quite ordinary looking women. I have a soft spot for Princess Aimee of the Netherlands myself, who is an attractive woman, but who isn’t the model type that the princes of Monaco tend to go for. Aimee is part of the extended royal family, despite being a princess, she works for a living, using a business law degree at Pon’s Automobielhandel in their Marketing Communications department.
Take 'em to the Tower of London and show 'em what happened to real princesses and queens who were unlucky in politics or their choice of “prince charming”, like Jane Grey or Anne Boleyn …
Suddenly sharing and doing chores doesn’t seem so bad.
I think this is the topmost reason why the princess thing bugs me, in addition to the entitled mindset that it is often coupled with.
Women are taught from a young age that their value is only as high as the status of the men in their lives. The “princess” concept is the embodiment of that message. A princess is only a noteworthy person because she is either married to a high status man or is the child of a high status man. It isn’t good enough that she be brilliant and special independent from her ties to others; proof of her worth must come in the form of an official title.
When girls are encouraged to see themselves as princesses, they are subconsciously encouraged to prioritize status over character. They are also encouraged to see relationships as a means of obtaining status. Basically the same kind of values held by stereotypical gold diggers. This mindset probably wasn’t all that harmful when women had few economic opportunities and were more dependent on men, but nowadays, it’s detrimental to both genders. Power and status is no longer monopolized by men, which means women can’t derive status through men as easily as they used to.
You don’t see this kind of programming with boys. I’m not saying everything directed at boys is healthy and wonderful, but at least with male children, there is a greater emphasis on distinguishing oneself through one’s own ability. Being smart, skillful, and strong. Not by being pretty and a member of royalty.
Supporting the “princess thing is dangerous” notion, my sister’s DD has raised one and she is EVIL. Surrounded by 3 brothers who also call her Princess (I suspect in a derisive way), she is doomed.
Its fine if the family wants to do that I guess, but when she gets out into the Real World its a challenge for her to adjust to ppl who do NOT treat her like the princess she was led to believe she is. Recently she was hospitalized for a serious injury and even the nurses caring for her were overheard calling her a “brat” and “rude” (which she was). She’s 8 years old FFS and its time to grow up but thats gonna be a long hard haul for a Princess who isnt even cute or smart or funny. Just spoiled and entitled.
I don’t have any daughters, but frim what I see of my neices, little girls who are into the princess stuff are into it in the same way as they (or boys) might get into pirates or ninjas - that is, in a very superficial way, as a fantasy. They love to wear the dress-up clothes, they love the idea of jewels and crowns, all that tinkly stuff. Then, eventually, they get tired of that and something else is cool. I’m not even sure how aware they were of what a “princess” was, other than the heroines in movies they watch, that had really elaborate outfits.
My boy went through a “ninja” phase, where he though ninjas were really cool, and wanted to dress up as one and make ninja moves. I suppose ninjas are a really unhealthy message - to the extent they really existed, they were basically hired spies and assassins. I didn’t worry too much about the kid subconciously comming to believe that murder for hire was okay.
Then he went through a “pirate” phase, and even called his milk “rum”. Again, I wasn’t overly stressed that a lifetime of crime was in his future as a result.
I disagree with the premise, but what is wrong with a woman who chooses to as a career being a wife? Its currently my career. My husband took a demanding job (he is working right now, worked until 4am yesterday, and will miss Thanksgiving dinner. He spends weeks at a time overseas) and someone needs to raise kids, pay bills and clean house. Yeah, currently my “status” comes from being a wife and mother, my current title is “Mrs.” but its my choice, and - like most modern day Princesses - it wasn’t the only choice open to me.
I spent the start of my career as an executive secretary. In that career path, your status is derived not from the man you marry, but from the man you work for. I have a friend who got his PhD, for eight years of his life, his status was derived from that of his PhD adviser. The status of my friend the patent lawyer is derived from what law firm he works for.
I was not full blown into princess stuff as a kid, but I was certainly aware enough to know what distinguished a princess from a regular person.
Girls glom onto the fantasy not just because they wear sparkly dresses and tiaras, but because it’s cool to imagine themselves as the doted-upon daughter of royalty who enjoys all the trappings of wealth and power. Almost every Disney story–from the Mermaid to Mulan–shows the princess as an extension of the king (not the queen), and I do think girls can and do interpret this as part of the princess mystique. I know I did.
Dangerosa, thats an admirable job. Raising kids and running a house where the partner is often absent is no picnic Im sure. But unlike the patent lawyer and the secretary jobs, there isnt any independence or equity if you leave the job/are laid off (God forbid), is there? I think thats what women have fought for and why I reject the Trophy Wife/Princess thing. Not that it hurt Ivana.
There’s nothing wrong with that; and I’m not sure why this is being asked? Being a career wife is not synonymous to defining your self-worth according to your husband’s status. A woman raised to feel this way would not be able to accept a man who wasn’t a high powered professional making a lot of money, even if he was of exceptional character. If you could still see yourself being married to your husband if he lost his job or had to change to a less prestigious occupation, then I would say you’re not under the princess programming that I’m talking about.
But I don’t think most girls daydream about being a modern-day princess. They dream of being a fairy princess, or its closest analog: a celebrity.
I tend to agree with you that a princess fantasy can be and often is harmless. But do you really think there are no potential subtexts or undercurrents to the idea of “princess”, no cultural baggage that a prudent parent ought to counter? And I do think it can be a very bad thing when parents actively foster the princess fantasy at the expense of any other modes of female-ness.
Yeah, I think there are subtext worth countering in the “princess” mentality, but I don’t agree with the way lots of kids are raised, not just this particular way. And I don’t think that there are a ton of women out there who have confused the fantasy with the reality because their parents didn’t address the subtext.
I’m not sure if wanting to be a princess is any more damaging than the belief boys have that they will grow up to play pro sports. And less healthy than the parents who invest thousands every year in traveling teams and camps keeping that dream alive. Most women who go through a princess stage outgrow it like the aformentioned ninja and pirate stages boys go through. The ones that keep it, temper it. They aren’t my favorite human beings in the world - the ones that are spoiled and think life has cheated them if they aren’t treated like royalty. But I suspect that is a character flaw that is only tangent ally related to princess fantasy and has more to do with some people - men and women - are spoiled brats who never grow up. (And yes, there are men like this too, who think that because Dad was well off or they are handsome and athletic, the world owes them. Or Dad doesn’t even need to be well off, the world just owes them.)
Just dropping a link here to the party princess for hire site ( collected posting from the something awful forums, which are now locked until registered ). A lot of interesting and amusing and even a few touching anecdotes. Her own experience as a professional is that for most it is a phase that doesn’t last beyond 7-8, or at least that is the latest she can entertain them before they get jaded about being entertained by a fake princess. But she does seem a little ambivalent about the prevalence of this culture herself:
I think there’s a disturbing culture of Princess worship in America’s little girls these days, and even in older girls who love Disney princesses, because they’re America’s royalty. From entry #2.
Well, yes, but when you are raising your own it’s helpful to think about all those ways we disagree with in order to shape our own methods. It’s not just about smug self-congratulations.
Oh, there’s plenty of boy fantasies that need countering, as well. After about 24 months, it’s shockingly hard to find boy clothes that don’t involve sports or licensed characters.
I am less concerned with someone bitter because they think they deserve to be treated like royalty and more concerned with the ones who are sad because think they don’t deserve to be treated well because they aren’t pretty enough, or young enough (any longer). I don’t know many adult spoiled brats, but I know a LOT of adult women who still preen for compliments from men, especially compliments about their looks, who still feel more empowered when their fading “wiles” work than they do through legitimate exercise of authority, who still avoid directly disagreeing with men, even in polite and professional terms. There is A model–not the only model–of princess-hood that is really rooted in the idea of “it’s awesome to be the most precious ornament in the castle”–cosseted, precious, inherently valuable. I think that’s a model that can have lingering effects–even on women who are otherwise doctors and lawyers and Indian Chiefs.
