Liver cancer?

[VOW]

If you can only scrape together enough money for ONE trip, go NOW while he is alive.

You won’t be sorry.

Life is too damned short for regrets.
~VOW

[Marley23]

@Igrapeape

I know doctors give bad diagnosis, would be really tough to be a doctor, do I tell them shorter time to live so they can do everything, do I tell them longer time so they are happy?

I think most of us would be very unhappy if we were told we had a month to live and very unhappy if we were told we had a year to live. It’s not news you want to get or give. It’s important for doctors to tell their patients the truth so they can make decisions based on the best information they can get- although these kinds of things are always estimates and people can live much longer or shorter than the overall average. I realize it’s not easy to ask your father about this, but it might be better for you to ask him what he heard specifically from his doctor.

[Typo_Negative]

Lost a good friend to liver cancer last year.

Diagnosis to death was less than 3 months.

[chiroptera]

@Igrapeape

The tape recorder is a big deal to me, maybe I only get 30 minutes of talk but I’ll pull out as much as I can.

Thank you for the hotel advice I’ll ask them about that ( hope they don’t need to be passed on for that). Was just looking at
Car rental and not having a credit
Card is difficult. Found a few places
That take debit cards but put a 2 week hold on $500 for the deposit, so that will be frustrating.

Call the hospital (assuming your dad is in hospital) and ask if they have any accomodations for family members of gravely ill patients. If he is in hospice, ditto. Hospitals and hospices often have patient liason folks who may be able to help with some of the logistics.

I volunteer with a non-profit that sometimes arranges transportation and housing for clients; at least one organization I know of in my state helps arrange transport for medical-needs clients interstate. There may well be some charitable help available but you’ll need to do a little digging. It’s worth a try.

[Ibanez]

@Igrapeape

He’s one of those old school dads who could never tell his wife or sons that he loved them, but would call a lot (which tells me he cares) and I’m told that if his parents didn’t say it to him than he probably did not say it to anyone else.

Maybe when hes on his last minutes he will say it to me.

Saying I love you to family members is one of things you have to be taught when growing up. My mother and father divorced when I was 7 it was never said. Then step dad Ted came into the picture around the age of 12, there was other step dads before him that I rejected like most boys probably do and tried to reject him.

But he persevered to win me over it took a couple of years but eventually he did and I wanted to started calling him dad. He was touched but because my mother and he weren’t officially married he felt it inappropiate, more to the point he probably saw how that would cause conflict with my biological father who still had us “shipped” to his neck of the woods once a year for holidays. He passed away shortly after due to liver failure.

But I’ve digressed.

My stepfather was the one who made us starting saying I love you to one another before we went to bed and it stuck with my mother, sister and I to this day. We say it all the time.

Like you’ve said he was never taught this growing up but I can guarantee you even if he doesn’t say it. He certainly feels it and does love you.

[alice_in_wonderland]

@Baracus

Not to be pedantic but there is a difference between “liver cancer” and other cancer that has spread to the liver. I would guess that Marley’s post is the most applicable since that seems to address the situation that your father is facing. My MIL just lost her battle with cancer, 2.5 years after being diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs.

I would go with the first flight though. Looking back you aren’t likely to regret it.

This is what I wanted to say - my dad had part of his liver removed in about 2005 after cancer from his colon spread. He lived till January of this year (so six more years). Are they planning on treating your dad at all? FWIW my dad was very insistent on getting every treatment possible.

[Baracus]

@PandaBear77

When the time comes you can probably get a Bereavement Fare; it’ll help get you home for the funeral.

It doesn’t hurt to ask about a bereavement fare - but don’t assume that it is the best deal you can get! Bereavement fares (when the airline even offers them - many don’t anymore) are usually a discount of 25-50% off of the fully refundable ticket price, i.e. the most expensive fare they have. In my experience, five minutes with kayak.com will find you a better rate.

[Siam_Sam]

As for hotel discounts, the one near the hospital my father was in after he had his aneurysm gave automatic discounts to anyone staying there for purposes of visiting a relative in the hospital. I found this out when my uncle flew in from California. I seem to recall it being a pretty nice cut too. Never hurts to ask about these things.

[rekkah]

@Igrapeape

I know doctors give bad diagnosis, would be really tough to be a doctor, do I tell them shorter time to live so they can do everything, do I tell them longer time so they are happy?

In general doctors try to stick to the facts, The difficulty is that the the possible outcomes can vary greatly. For bowel cancer that has spread to the liver, some people will live only 6 months, a small number will live for 5 years or more and there’s usually no way of telling who will live longer. I don’t know much about melanoma but I imagine it’s also difficult to give sensible estimates.

An additional complication is that not all patients want to know all the statistics (and doctors will usually respect that). If you think your dad has asked not to be told all the details, you can ask his permission to talk directly to his doctors, but he does have the right to refuse if he want’s to.

I would say if you only have the money for one flight, go now. You won’t regret getting to see him alive and no-one on earth can guarantee how long he will be here. If he does live longer, there’s time to save up for another visit.

[Igrapeape]

Thanks everyone.

I don’t know that you all want updates, but since you replied I figure that you cared. You could have just read and moved on, but you replied thank you.

At this point I’m looking at Dec 10th come back Dec 13th.

I’ve had a pretty serious surgery on the books for Dec 7th that has to be knocked out, and you need 2-3 days for blood healing before you can go to altitudes which planes fly at. Whatever that means.