My Dad is going to die.

[Wheelz]

He was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2003. At the time he was very lucky regarding the placement of the tumors and the fact that the cancer had not spread beyond the liver. Stubborn mule that he’s always been, he refused chemo and radiation, and consulted a number of surgeons before finding one who would agree to operate.

The surgery almost killed him, but he pulled through, and the cancer was out – along with more than half his liver. After that, he stayed remarkably healthy until a routine scan in May revealed that the cancer was back.

That was hard news, but his doctors recommented a new-ish procedure called radioembolization – basically, they inserted tiny radioactive beads into the tumors in an attempt to slow their growth. This was supposed to give him 2 or 3 good years, for which we were all thankful.

But today, an MRI showed that it’s not working. The tumors are growing aggressively, and there’s nothing more that can be done. The docs say maybe 6 months, maybe less.

So yeah… he’s had 7 years since the diagnosis, which is pretty amazing for liver cancer. He’s 72, which isn’t a terribly short life, I guess. But still, this sucks. My Mom is devastated, and they’re 700 miles away so I can’t be with them right now. She said Dad’s pretty much in shock, I didn’t even talk to him and I don’t know what I’ll say when I do.

Their 50th anniversary is in October and I hope he at least makes it til then. the whole extended family was supposed to go on a cruise at Thanksgiving, which is unlikely to happen now, and I know how much that trip meant to both of them.

Fuck. My Dad has always been one of the strongest people I know. he’s opinionated, generous, a genius at building cars, and he loves his granddaughters more than anything in the world. I can’t imagine the world without him. All I can really do, I guess, is plan to visit as often as I can. I’m by no means the first person to go through this, nor will I be the last. But… Fuck.

[StGermain]

My sympathies. I watched my dad die of lung cancer. It’s not easy. Just try to be there for both your dad and your mom.

Be strong.

StG

[Omega_Glory]

I’m sorry Wheelz. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[Taters]

I am so sorry, Wheelz. There just aren’t words…

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

Wheelz, I am very sorry to hear about this. I wish I could think of something comforting to say, but I can’t; I don’t really think there is anything that is truly comforting at moments like this. I hope you can find the strength to make it through this very difficult time.

Be well, and please remember that you have friends here.

[BrotherCadfael]

Last fall, I lost my father-in-all-but-fact. He was 89, so it was not unexpected. In fact, he had elected to stop treatments for his various ailments some months before. The only good thing was that I had the opportunity to spend a good bit of time with him before he went. Here’s a bit from my eulogy:

I visited [him] often over his last few months. Sometimes we would talk, sometimes we would set and think, and sometimes we would just set. Each time, when I took my leave, we would shake hands. And each time, he would grip my hand tighter and hold it longer. [He] and I both loved to talk, but in that gesture we said more than we could, perhaps, say out loud.

He is fortunate to have you with him at this time. Enjoy the time you still have with him, and honor him when he is gone.

[Sleeps_With_Butterflies]

I’m really very sorry. No, 72 isn’t a short life but we always want more for those we love.

This might sound pretty cliche but have you thought about making some memories before he’s too sick? I ask because I was lucky enough to be a caregiver for my grandfather who died this year at 84. Lucky because I got to know him so much better even though it was terribly hard to see him go downhill. We got to talk and I got to ask questions and really get to know him. I made videotapes of him talking about his childhood and WWII. We discussed in depth him meeting my grandmother and his impressions of my father and mother when they started dating and all kinds of family history.

I know it’s sad, but hopefully you can take advantage of the time you have left to really find out all you can about him for yourself and his granddaughters. A videotape of seeing his face light up talking about them will really make a world of difference to them in the future IMHO.

Again, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Keep us posted how you’re all doing.

[Khadaji]

I sorry to hear your news. Sending supporting thoughts your way.

[Autolycus]

I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure he is very proud of you.

[lavenderviolet]

Sorry to hear that you received this bad news. I hope you will be able to make it out to visit them soon and make some good memories. I wonder if it would even be feasible to bump up the cruise plans a bit.

It sounds like your dad is a strong willed guy who will do what he can to try to hang in there. If his form of cancer is hepatocellular cancer, I’m wondering if the oncologist said anything about if he was a candidate for treatment with sorafenib. Another avenue to look at would be to see if he is eligible for any clinical trials. While clinical trials by their very nature can’t guarantee anything, they offer the hope of getting access to a treatment that might turn out to be superior to conventional treatments.
All the best to him and the rest of you.

[joyfool]

Wheelz, I’m so sorry. My father is around the same age and going through something like that terrifies me. So you and your dad’s loved ones have my utmost sympathy and prayers.

[Mahaloth]

It must be very hard to go through this. I’m so sorry.

[Cinebar]

I am very sorry.

[dada2fish]

Wheelz, I lost my 72 year old dad to liver cancer in April 2008. He died very peacefully and painlessly. Hospice took great care of him. When his time comes, I wish the same for your dad.

[pinkyvee]

I’m sorry this is happening.
My Mother died of liver cancer 6 years ago.
We did home hospice.
That was a great blessing for the family.

You might not know this, but liver cancer death is relatively peaceful.
They get “the dwindles”, where their body and their world seem to get smaller and smaller. But, they are “OK” when you ask them. Just weak.
There is not very much pain, unlike other forms of cancer.
Death follows a short coma.
They essentially “go to sleep” and don’t wake up.

I’m sorry if this is too blunt/direct for you to hear right now.

But, my intent is to comfort you.
It is a pretty peaceful passing.

Take care.

[Little_Plastic_Ninja]

Someday I’ll have to handle my father passing. He’s not that old right now and he’s in the bloom of health, and the men in his family tend to live long lives as long as they don’t kill themselves with smoking and drinking – and Dad’s definitely not that sort. He is the wisest, most patient, most brilliant, most all-around fantastic person I know. He’s a rock in our family and I can’t even imagine losing him.

I fear losing him. I fear losing my mother. I think I fear those things more than I fear anything else. I have friends and family and loved ones but I’ll be so alone when they’re gone. I’m making sure to spend time with my folks now – I want to be sure we don’t miss anything.

I am so sorry you’re going through this now. My heart and my thoughts are with you.

[missred]

I’m sorry to hear this, Wheelz. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[even_sven]

I’m so sorry about this.

[norinew]

My thoughts are with you and your family. I understand (from first-hand experience) how difficult this is to bear.

[Anaamika]

I could have written most of the OP about my mom, with just a few minor changes. You have my condolences and my empathy. I’m so sorry. Hang in there.