My Dad is going to die.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Thank you, everybody. I’ve read and participated in threads like this before, but I never knew until now how much it means to read such kind words.

In the light of a new day I realize the whole family has known for years this was coming, and we’ve been lucky to keep him as long as we have already, and for whatever time is left. It’s just never felt so real until now.

I hope not to sound too self-indulgent here. Losing a parent is not a unique experience. But I was at home alone when my Mom called, and the first thing I thought to do was come here and unload. When my wife got home it was a big help to talk it out with her, but I’ll take all the support I can get.

Thank you again.

22

It is heavy to lose a parent, no matter what your relationship is/was.

Mom was also the strongest person I knew, and while she did take the chemo initially, she refused in the end when she was told it would have very little chance.
She was told three months, and lasted not even one.

It was hard to see her, this strong woman, weakened. I think that will be hard for you, too. Hang in there.

23

I’m sorry to hear about this - losing a parent is hard. Try to spend as much time with him as you can in his remaining time. And I hope your parents have a wonderful 50th anniversary, even if they likely won’t have a 51st.

24

I’m sorry for your troubles, Wheelz.

25

I’m so sorry, Wheelz.

26

I’ll add my prayers for Dad, Wheelz.

Also, don’t despair. Big, good surprises have a way of popping up all the time.

Also, get a second opinion. I know I’m sounding like a jerk, on your dime, but it can’t hurt one bit.
Best wishes,
hh

27

So sorry to read this, Wheelz. I really hope he surprises the docs and outlives the diagnosis.

My father-in-law has end stage prostate cancer, six years after diagnosis, but he wasn’t supposed to live more than a year when they found the cancer in 2004. Sadly, he went into hospice just a couple of weeks ago and probably only has a couple of days left at most. When your father’s last days do arrive, I hope that they are without pain, fear, or regret - and only full of love.

Treasure every day you have left with him…and maybe listen to “Do You Realize?” by The Flaming Lips a few hundred times. It’s a sad song, but its overall sentiment really hits the mark I think.

28

My prayers with you and all the family.

29

Sorry for your troubles, Wheelz.

30

Wheelz, you have condolances. I hope your father will have the time to celebrate his 50th anniversary.

No matter how expected, how long their lives, how fill, and fulfilling they were - it’s always too soon to lose a parent.

Cherish what you have with him, now.

31

A little background here: I have two brothers, “John” and “Gene.” John is the one with the daughters (4 of them!) and he moved to a small town in the Raleigh/Durham area 15 years ago. When the folks retired, they decided to settle there, partly because they had fallen in love with the town and partly to be near their grandkids. Gene and I still live here in the Chicago area, and neither of us has kids.

So anyway, John is much closer to the situation than we are. The three of us all spoke on a conference call Wednesday night, and John, based just on his own observations, is of the opinion that six months is actually a very generous estimate at this point. He says Dad is already beginning to forget things and slur his speech, and urged Gene and me to see him as soon as possible while he’s still pretty much himself. By his own admission, though, he doesn’t know how fast the decline will be. Gene and I were already planning to visit over Labor Day weekend with our wives, and my hope is he’ll still be relatively OK by then. But based on John’s assesment I decided to go sooner as well.

So I managed to secure a few “family sick days” from work, and I’ll be flying down tomorrow and staying until Wednesday. I’ll get a chance to spend time with Dad, accompany them to the a doctor’s appointment on Monday, and sit in on a home hospice meeting on Tuesday, as well as be there to help with any mundane errands and chores and whatnot. It’s not a lot, but it already makes me feel a lot less helpless – and Mom sounded really happy I was coming, so there’s that.

It’s been a weird few days, but already I think I’m starting to come to terms with this a little bit. Again I want to thank everybody here for your kind words and thoughts, and for reading my ramblings. It’s definitely theraputic.

32

Wheelz, I’m so glad you’ve managed to take some time off to go see your Dad. When my Dad was dying, I got a call from my sister saying he had “maybe a month”; at that point in time, we were pretty broke, and I was busy trying to figure out a way to scrape together enough money to get down to Florida to see him. Within a week, my BIL called and told me Dad probably had “less than a week”; I talked to him on the phone that night. Two days later, he was gone. :frowning:

I’m glad I got to talk to him on the phone, but I sure do wish I could have seen him one last time.

33

I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad a few years ago, and in the time leading up to his passing, we grew much closer. I miss him every day. And tomorrow is his birthday.

Cherish this chance to say goodbye, and hang in there. You are in my thougts.

34

And mine, especially for your mom.

Regards,
Shodan

35

I’m sorry to hear this. I lost my father on the 20th of last month. He was in hospice when he died ( he had acute myloid leukemia and had fought it for almost two years) I had taken care of him for that time and I was profoundly glad that I had the chance to re-bond with him (we had been somewhat estranged) You will be glad latter of all the time that you can spend with him.

I will also say that my grandmother has had cancer three times, was given two weeks to live twenty years ago. She attributes her living to her faith and the power of prayer. In any event, sometimes we can’t predict what will happen, even when we think we can. I’ll add a prayer of my own for what it is worth.

36

So, Dad was actually doing a little better than I expected when I saw him, despite my brother’s descriptions. It turns out that as his liver has begun to fail, the diuretics he was taking began screwing dramatically with his electrolyte and potassium levels – too little of the former and too much of the latter – so much that it was messing up his head, and putting him in danger of seizures.

One the doctors figured that out, they took him off the diuretics. When I got there Saturday, his speech was still somewhat slurred and difficult to understand, but apparently not as bad as it had been. He grasped for words now and then, but generally had his wits about him. By the time I left yesterday, though, he was speaking much more clearly and loudly, and was very much still the dad I know. Of course, the downside is that he immediately began retaining fluid in his abdomen which was very uncomfortable, and then his feet began swelling. Such is the balance we’re going to have to figure out as we go through this. He’s gotten pretty weak and gets tired very easily, though, which likely won’t get any better.

The time I spent with him was good. He got angry a few times and morose a couple times, and he freely admits he’s afraid of what’s going to happen. But mostly he was very frank about his his situation and quick to say what a good life he’s had and how thankful he is to have such a great family. (We are pretty great!;)) He’s struggling to come to terms with his impending death, which I can’t even imagine, yet in my opinion is doing so quite gracefully. We also shared as much “normal” time as possible, including a typically boisterous family dinner with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and nieces, which was great.

I’m confident that he’s in very good hands, both in regard to his medical care and attention from local relatives (my SIL is a nurse/practitioner, and she’s been absolutely indespensible through all of this). We had an initial meeting with the home hospice care coordinators on Tuesday, and they’ll probably get started on that soon.

Of course it’s going to be hard, but somehow the past few days have been very comforting to me. Just being there for a while made me feel just a little bit less helpless, and I’m reassured that he’ll be made as comfortable as possible for whatever time he has left.

Sorry for the long post, but this is proving a good outlet for me. If anyone’s interested I’ll continue to post updates as warranted.

37

Please do keep posting here, Wheelz. I may be curious and wanting to hear - but if it’s of any benefit to you, that alone is a good reason to continue doing updates.

I’m very glad to hear that your visit with your dad went so much better than you’d feared.

38

Wheelz, please do continue to update us, when and if you feel like it. I, for one, am interested in your well-being, and by extent, the well-being of your father and your whole family. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

Please let us know how it’s going! But don’t be so focused on keeping us updated that you fail to take care of yourself!

All the best!

39

I am so sorry to hear your news, you and your dad are in my prayers.

40

Said better than I could have ever said it. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.