Question for folks of any stripe or nationality - are there any general tips for living in a foreign country? I’m an American moving to Japan in January and have some idea about what to expect, but not much.
What were your experiences like and what do you wish you knew before you moved?
Know the laws - obey them.
know your rights - insist on them.
Learn the language.
If someone does something that differs in every way from what you consider to be good form and common sense, sit back, take stock of the situation before condeming them. If you take the time to find out why they did it that way, you just might learn something.
I’ve been living abroad for three years…
There is somewhere where you can find the different steps to adjusting to a new country. It’s a process that takes some time, and it’s a bit of a roller coaster ride. Some days you love it, and some days you hate it The main thing is, don’t worry if you get angry or sad about where you are living sometimes. These are normal feelings, and everyone goes through them. It’s actually kind of amazing how people go through these steps like clockwork. At times, it can be a tough process, but you’ll come out stronger for it.
Don’t think about it too much. Don’t build things up in your mind. The people who have the easiest time adjusting are the people with the least expectations. The people who have all these ideas about what their life is going to be like usually have problems. It’s the people who take things as they come that do best.
When you first get there, make friends with everyone and trust nobody. Always say “yes” when you are invited out. It’s really easy to isolate yourself when you are having culture shock, but that is just a self-feeding cycle. Instead, get out as much as possible. At the same time, be cautious with your first few friends. Don’t rush into friendship. You need some time to figure out what people are really about and who you can trust.
Make your house comfortable. You need a refuge. Buy a few things that make you happy to see when you come home after a long stressful day.
And of course, language is going to be key. Every word you learn will make you more capable and more comfortable. One of the funnest things about living abroad is that every day you learn new skills. But it’s also kind of like being a child again. Try to enjoy the process.
Hope this helps! Have fun!
You stole my tip, even sven!
It really is like being reborn - everything is new; language, food, environment, people. Let it soak in, and learn as much as possible, as quickly as possible! It is probably the biggest adventure an adult can take - to feel like a kid again! Only this time, you have some experience from your old life that you can bring into this new life. You can become the “new you”. Very exhilarating. And scary. And fun. And life-changing.
I envy you, and wish you well. I don’t doubt for a minute that you will someday remember this as one of the high points of your life.
Camus, do you mind if I ask how long you plan on being in Japan? I’ve lived in Germany for 13 years now, and my advice would be slightly different for a shorter stay than a longer one.
I lived in Mexico for six months.
You don’t mention how your Japanese is, but if you need to learn the language speak to somebody every day, in the language, no matter how awkward you may feel. Just reading books and listening passively isn’t enough, you have to speak it.
Make some native friends. I am not normally a particularly outgoing person, but something about being in a foreign country made me more outgoing - it somehow altered the “fear of being judged” that is usually inherent in my social interactions. Maybe people were judging me left and right but I just didn’t care as much, for some reason. And by God man, pick up some chicks. Especially since you will be in Japan.
I disagree with this just a little. When I was in Peace Corps, I got this advice from everyone and I agree that it’s usually a good idea, but if someone is setting off your internal weirdness meter, don’t feel obligated to go. I didn’t follow my instincts on this one once - the guy in question was the husband of one of my colleagues, so I convinced myself that despite his creepy vibe, he wouldn’t actually do anything - and it didn’t end well.
Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t go spectacularly well all the time. It’s sort of a process. At first, everything is new and exciting and you want to try all the new foods and make friends with everyone. Then, a bit of homesickness starts creeping in and you wish you could have your favorite old foods that you can’t find anymore, and you go online to chat with your friends, but they’re all in bed because it’s 3 am where they are and not being able to understand the language gets frustrating… That’s just normal and expected.
Eventually things will even out. For me, it’s depended on what country I’m in (I’ve lived abroad three times, in three different countries), the size of the community I’m in, and the length of the stay. The emotional preparation is quite different when you know you’re only there for three months as opposed to two years.
If its a short term thing (say up too 18 months) become a tourist at least once a week. I know more about the Greater London Area than most natives.
There’s going to be times you hate it; there’s going to be times you love it. Both are fine.
If you can, get in contact with other foreigners (but do not make them your only contact). One of the things this is good for is comparing notes.
There will be times when you wonder whether it’s you who’s totally weird or these folks are off their collective rocker. If you can learn how to swing in the same direction they do, life will be much easier for you. Or, in other words, the UNwritten rules are as important or more as those in writing.
When something is completely strange, see if you can find someone to explain its whys and whens. In general, saying “I’m sorry; I have seen This done Thisway here but I’m used to do it in a very different way. Can you please explain it to me, or make sure that what I understand is actually correct?” works tons better than “what the heck?” Yeah, so it’s low face; you’ll lose a lot more face if you show you can’t learn and you insist on doing things your way than if you ask for explanations as needed.
It also helps to have someone here in the states that can send you a little “home cooking” when possible. I didn’t crave peanut butter, but I did miss Oreos, so my friends sent me some while I was in Brazil for a little over a year. They also sent me cake mix (direx in English, but temperatures also in English), measuring cups (big hit with everyone there) and also Newsweeks for the month. Totally made it better the first 6 months. After that, I started looking forward to the green stuff or the orange stuff from street vendors.
Lots of good advice here.
Question - Is this move permanent, as in forever? Or for several years, months?
My point in asking is that when you return home, even to visit, you will be forever changed. Be prepared for that.
Don’t go around telling the locals how you do things in your home country, unless they ask or it’s necessary (say, as part of apologising for a cultural faux pas like patting a small child on the head in Thailand or something like that).
Also, remember the locals are people like you, with hopes and dreams and fears. They’re not Martians.
Try and lean the language as best you can. People always appreciate the effort
On the practical side, one good piece of advice I got from people who had previously lived abroad was: “Don’t bring a lot of stuff.”
I brought my computer, a few books, and enough clothes to last me a week. The computer and books helped me stay connected to my culture. Everything else you think you need is better purchased in the country you are living in. Clothes, especially, will help you blend in (or stick out less, since you will be a gaijin).
There used to be a series of books called Culture Shock: Countryname. They’re designed for people who are going to be living for an extended period of time in a given country as expats. Highly recommended - they go a lot into the subtler things that you don’t need to worry about if you’re only a tourist, but that will throw you off.
Aha! here’s the Japan one. And it’s recent, too!
ETA: There are Culture Shock books for all sorts of countries, including the USA, The South (of the USA), and California.
I have Culture Shock: Malaysia and you’re right, they’re very informative and well-written.
Try to have a high degree of “situational awareness” when starting any kind of romantic relationship. Whatever you think is going on–it’s not what you think.
I will never forget arriving in Switzerland for a 6 month stay. I arrived on a Friday, slept most of that day, had dinner out and slept late on Saturday, then went out to do some shopping. Whoops, who would have guessed that all stores closed from noon on Saturday till noon on Monday? People you passed on the street always said “Gruezi (miteinander)” (Greetings, (youall)). And expected a similar response. And Switzerland is truly a western country where most things are familiar. Japan was truly exotic, but I had to deal only with a few English speaking people and there were supermarkets so I could pick out what I wanted. In Switzerland 42 years ago, there were almost no supermarkets so you had to ask for things by name. Fortunately, you could use the high German names for things.