I share much with bump’s philosophy. I’ve lived, I’ve peaked. Now give me a lawn chair or give me death. Experience has taught me to work smarter/not harder and I’m happy to ride that out.
I try to strike a balance… but that balance means that I actually schedule my “take it easy” time.
The rest of the time, if I’m not learning something new, doing something more, improving the already perfect, and generally pushing the limits, then I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I’d like to be able to push myself and be more productive, but I am locked into a soul-crushing job as a cubical-dwelling corporate drone that is not challenging nor a good fit, because my family is relying on me for stability and comfort.
If I was not the breadwinner of the family, I might be less risk-averse and more ambitious. When I was younger, that was the case, but I feel a higher sense of responsibility relative to being a go-getter at this point. With that in mind, I do my best at work, with no expectations of growth, and place a high value on my spare time.
I’m in the “take it easy” camp. I have quite a few relatives who are in high-status, big-money jobs, but they spend half their time earning the money and the other half taking care of the stuff the money bought. I don’t see them having much down time to just relax and enjoy. My saying is, “Money ain’t free.” In other words, you can make a lot of money, but you have to give up a lot to get it.
Humblebrag: I bet I am one of those people who has a lot of potential. And I’m not tied down to kids or a husband so I could probably do a lot of great things just based on free time and my ability to learn and my calm attitude.
But, I totally don’t. And I know this about myself. I make just enough money, I spend just enough time at work, my house is just all right, I went to just enough college, I played just enough music.
I’m wondering if it is because I am from a family of kinda…under-achievers? While my parents are both hard workers, they never went to college and in fact I was the first in the family to do so. So it was like yay, I got a 4-year bachelor’s degree, I am queen of this place! None of the other cousins got a bachelors degree. And other stuff which I won’t get into here.
I guess the bar was low, and I spent no effort trying to raise it. Only to flop over it.
I don’t do great, I only ever do ok.
I don’t see where the two are exclusive; as I told a coworker a long, long time ago, “no, I’m not a ‘work hard to party hard’ person! I’m the ‘work hard to take it easy’ kind.” I do things and get things done that most other people wouldn’t be able to. Am I president of Coca Cola? No, but here’s the thing: I don’t want to be! VP for Quality, I’d be willing to accept; president, hell no, as it would involve spending a lot of time thinking about aspects of the company I don’t care about 
I blame my parents: they taught me to get work out of the way first, so I could relaaaaaaaax afterwards.
**bump **nailed it in post #18.
I’ve done the uber-ambition thing. I’ve built businesses, only to watch some of them destroyed almost overnight by random bolt-from-the-blue fate.
Bustin’ ass is highly overrated. For every person who does so and succeeds in spades, another 100 make all the same sacrifices and walk away almost empty-handed. Or maybe even far worse off: bankrupt, health trashed, or both. I managed to avoid the worst outcomes, but I know people who didn’t.
IMO the folks who’re most crippled are those who are bustin’ ass for a salary with no significant upside. Which sounds like Llama Llogophile’s GF in post#12.
*That *IMO is a sorry excuse for a wasted non-life.
I always put in the amount of effort calculated to get me the desired reward and then have maximum free time to enjoy that reward. Having a lot of money doesn’t matter if you don’t have the leisure to do anything with it…just having stuff isn’t enough.
In my 20s and early 30s, I was a work-hard-play-hard person. I traveled for my job, I worked all kinds of hours, I was available at all times.
Then I was hit with chronic migraine. I had to take a year off work, and when I went back to work, I needed jobs with more flexibility WRT hours and PTO, and where I had a big, heavy dividing line between my work time and my personal time.
In the seven years since I had to take time off and today, I’ve landed a job making twice what I was making before, doing a higher-level job, and much, much happier.
Some of it is down to differences between corporate culture. Some of it is me.
For me, I do a really good job at work. I work hard. I provide good, quality data and analysis to my employer. But when I’m not at work, it’s my time. No one is calling me with a population health emergency when I’m on PTO with a migraine. 
These days, I enjoy learning, and I like my work, but I’m not doing either all hours. I take it easy when I’m not at work, and I don’t stress out too much at work. The world is not going to end based on anything I do.
And let’s be honest; I work to afford a nice place to live, good food, lots of books, my little vacations (which are also low-key), and to support the feline overlords. It’s a good life. I enjoy it lots and know how lucky I am.
I keep in mind that one ‘oh shit’ cancels out about 10 ‘atta boys’ and go from there.
I just make sure to keep my ‘oh shit’ moments to a minimum. Or non-existent. Can’t remember the last one.
If I performed as hard as I possible could at work, I could see working myself right out of a job.
At home, my Wife and I have a very good balance of leisure and tasks-chores. We don’t need to chase every dust bunny down or have the kitchen sparkle every night. That extra 10% clean takes 90% more effort.
The other day I went out to lunch with a couple of coworkers. We got to talking about annual and sick leave. They ragged on me because I always have a ton of annual leave left over at the end of the year.
One of the coworkers told me: “One day you’ll realize you won’t be rewarded for your hard work, and you’ll start slacking off like the rest of us.”
She doesn’t like her job. I do. She’d rather play World of Warcraft all day. I actually like crunching numbers and geeking out over stuff. She thinks I’m ambitious and trying to climb into middle management. But really, I’m just a big ole nerd. I don’t care about being a manager. I just like being a scientist more than anything else right now. (And I have been rewarded for my hard work. But I just held my tongue and let her vent her bitterness.)
I don’t owe anyone my “potential”. I owe myself happiness and comfort–and those things are tied to my financial situation and how well I get along with others. But I’m not obligated to live a life that’s befitting of some arbitrary ideal. And that includes being more “leisurely.” Sometimes I want to relax and chill. Sometimes I want to be productive and serious. Neither mode is superior to the other.
It’s all about the payoff really, isn’t it? And not just at ‘work’ work, but any activity you care to name.
I know some people - lovely people, but very strange to me - whose lives would simply exhaust me and make me want to crawl into a corner. Because they wake up in the morning with a kind of mentality of “Hey-ya, it’s a great day to achieve something! What can I achieve today?” and really enjoy the process of achieving it. Whereas others (sticks hand up) are more likely to stick one eye out from bedclothes and give themselves a mental shove … “Ok. Got some things to achieve today. Deep breath. Just think how nice it will be once it’s done.” At the far end of that scale is full-on depression - you end up doing nothing, ever, because there’s no payoff, ever.
People who get a payoff from the process of achieving stuff, are obviously going to achieve more stuff. And of course, people who get a big personal payoff from other aspects of working hard, are also going to be likely to work hard. If you really enjoy the prospect of being in charge and getting to tell people what to do, you’re going to want to work hard so you can be boss. If you really enjoy having nice stuff, you’re going to want to work hard so you can buy it.
As for me, money’s a terrible motivator, because I’m too much of an environmentalist to much enjoy consuming stuff, after a certain level. My main motivator is positive feedback - admiration, approval, whatever - from the people around me. Which obviously would make me a terrible boss, because half of being a good boss is being able to do things that, at least in the short term, are going to piss people off (like making them work hard). And there’s nothing more soul-crushing for me than that.
Basically, what I really really want to do, is curl up in a corner and read books. Mmmm…booooook. And I have an absolutely lovely local library…
To me, being a cubicle slave in a job you hate isn’t exactly “living to your potential”. It’s kind of like training for a pie eating contest where the grand prize is more pie and you fucking hate pie.
OTOH, to “live to your full potential” doing the things you actually want to do sometimes requires a lot of work. Actually having a choice of just going into “cruise control” mode and phoning it in is an option a lot of people don’t have.
The rest of your post reminds me of this bit from my labor safety classes, talking about how some people and organizations are goal oriented (the extreme version will run roughshod over anything and anybody), some are process oriented (again, the extreme version is those folks who care more about whether all is are dotted and all ts are crossed than about whether they are the right letters to use), others people oriented (let us all be friends! group hug!). I never remember what the fourth thing was.
In the end, it boils down to good taste is found in moderation and to fitting pegs and holes correctly. Somebody’s “full potential” is somebody else’s “lifetime of torture”.
After 26 years in real estate, I’m perfectly content to take my high I.Q. and many talents to spend the rest of my life as a discount store cashier.
Not to second-guess too many other people, but all the very high achievers I’ve known have been DEEPLY insecure. They’re terrified of failure, and they tend to view the world in very binary terms- black or white, good or evil, success or failure.
So they work like they’re pursued by hellhounds or something. It’s not so much gratification for success that they’re going for, but rather avoidance of failure. Most people who are driven by the achievement side of things (ultimately me), have things they care about and where achievements are meaningful, and things they flat-out don’t give a shit about, and where achievement isn’t meaningful.
Me? Just call me Wally.