As a gal who has done the LDR thing, this screams volumes. At the risk of sounding cliche, I don’t think she’s that into you. It’s easy to break up with someone when you may possibly never have to see them to do it - or run into them for that matter.
As other posters have said, it sounds like a summer fling that has run it’s course. These thing fizzle, and with the addition of miles in between, well…
Sorry, Eonwe, if I sound like a downer. But I tend to be a realist in situations like yours.
Cliff’s Notes version:
I’m not sure the long distance thing is working out.
You’re running yourself ragged in order to communicate with this woman. Personally, I think staying up until 2am in order to talk to her sounds like you’re going over and above the call of duty. If she’s into you, she’d be making an equal effort to talk to you (e.g. during normal hours) and equal sacrifices (e.g. getting up early occasionally to better fit your schedule) to communicate with you. Your current situation sounds completely one-sided.
I agree that you should not send the note but rather pick up the phone and call her. And then listen. Not just to her words, but to her tone. If she’s cheerful enough, tell her that you’re thinking of coming out to see her again. If she hems and haws, then there’s your answer. Because long-distance lovers *live *for these few and far between face to face meetings.
FYI, I “did” a long-distance relationship and I know it can work because he’s my husband now. It wasn’t fun, but it can work if both parties are into making it work. However, the adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder is a bit optimistic IMO. That is undoubtedly true but only in the short term. At some point, absence makes the heart forget. Or, if we’re talking cliches, a bird in the hand is worth two over the internet.
I am in a LDR; we began a relationship after I had decided to move approx. 3 hrs away (in that “few weeks til move” time) and I really didn’t plan on making it serious but I have. He is very focused on work. When we started seeing each other a friend jokingly told me “You do know he’s married to his job and he’s just cheating on it with you”. I am focused on school and my kids. We can go days without talking to one another. We try to keep in contact every day and our “code” is a text message that says simply “Hey baby” - it’s shorthand for saying hey I’m busy but you are still on my mind and I didn’t forget you.
When you are in a LDR and very busy sometimes that has to be enough. If my boyfriend sent me the letter you wrote up here I would think he was not cut out to do the whole long distance thing and needed more from me than I could give. Sorry.
If it were me and I was starting to feel neglected, first I would send an email or something and just say that - hey, I’m feeling kind of neglected over here. Give me a call this weekend!
If nothing else cut it down to: Hey, late nights are killing me lately. I’m going to bed at 11 so give me a call or hop online and I’ll catch up with you. Otherwise I’ll catch you next time. Love ya.
And after that, let it be. That isn’t playing hard to get, it’s moving on with your daily activities without losing sleep and planning around someone else’s schedule.
I would advise against doing the former until you’ve talked. I did something similar in 2002; it resulted in a $200 Southwest credit that I never used.
I read through the thread, and I didn’t see this, but. . .would something like Skype be an option?
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my girlfriend for moving to Charlotte when we started dating.
First off, LDRs can work. They suck, a lot, but they can work. SpouseO and I are living proof - married for 9 years, together for 16. We went to different universities 6 hours apart, then, just when he was transferring to mine, I went on a study abroad to Australia. (Yeah. That was a rough time.) Anyhoo…
Trust is key in an LDR. Were there times that I was dying to talk to him? Absolutely. And vice versa. But as a student, sometimes we didn’t have those times at the same time - he had skiing or I had a night class or lab went long or we were out with friends or whatever. And in those cases, you leave a message or write an email saying “hey, miss you - call me when you can.” If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.
One thing about people: if something’s important to you, you’ll make time for it. Sometimes when life gets hectic, yeah, we dump on our loved ones and relegate them to second place. But eventually, if you’re important to her, she’ll make time for you. While it’s a good idea to let her know that it’d be nice for you if it were sooner rather than later, you can’t get too needy or clingy, because that won’t work.
Best of luck to you - I hope it turns out well.
This was the part of your post that stood out for me:
This would send me running for the hills. Screaming.
When I’m busy and preoccupied, the last thing I want to do is sit there on the phone and try to entertain someone. You may want to know that she did her laundry that day, but do you think she really wants to talk about it? And with all the things that she has to do and think about, do you think she really wants to hear about your broken shoelace?
She may be dreading hearing from you because you want the conversations to go on far longer than she does and make her feel guilty when she tries to end the conversation.
I am definitely of the opinion that if something is important to you, you’ll make time for it. But frankly, I think your expectations and demands are unreasonable. Daily contact? Cool. Occasional longer conversations? Fine. But expecting long conversations so often is too much.
I don’t know what she may be thinking about you and the relationship, but if you continue in this vein, you’ll probably tank things.
Wow. After posting this and reading some of the correct analysis of my mental/emotional vomit of a note, I was hoping it would just drop and get lost in a Winter of our Missed Content-type event. But, people are still apparently reading it, so:
I sent her the short version, “hey, I miss you, let’s try to find some more intentional time to talk that’s a bit earlier.” She thought that sounded like a great idea, so once she’s done with the show she’s in (opens this weekend) we’re going to do a “date” night.
And, she got an audition in Boston in a few weeks, so I’m going to go down for the weekend and hang in the city with her.
And, she’s decided to definitely move here at least for the summer to take the same seasonal job she had last year. It doesn’t pay a lot, but there is me. 
And that’s that, for now.
The long distance thing is a lot of work, and I think the piece that some folks are missing is that some of those “not that into you” signals can just be byproducts of the challenges of distance. If I had a girlfriend here in town who I just exchanged a few texts with over two or three days, I’d take it as a big red flag. In the case of a LDR, it’s not necessarily, but it’s easy to want things to be like a local relationship and get worked up about it.
I’m really glad you took our advice and sent the shorter note - sounds like you’ve had a good outcome! Hope it continues well for the both of you.
ETA: You will find people keep providing advice long after you’ve stated what action you plan to take. It’s just the nature of the board here. It’s not about you, it’s about them wanting to have their 2 cents. 