I think it was WRING and I, wearing our impossibly sequined evening gowns at the Dynasty manse, getting into that catfight and falling into the pool, to rise soaking wet with bosoms passionately heaving.
and then, of course, we heard the doorbell chime, only to find this burly, yet sensative, vaccum cleaner salesman…
How is American beer like sex in a canoe?
They’re both fucking close to water!
How is British beer like sex in a canoe?
They both make you keel over and wet yourself!
You Merkins are stuck with the Ugg boots I’m afraid. Oprah made them so popular that they are now so expensive we can’t afford them anymore. 
I will confess, when I first started reading your posts, I thought you were a raging asshole. Having read more, I now understand that you are a totally okay human being, it’s just that your way of expressing yourself takes some getting used to.
By which I mean to say:
It’s not your generalizations that were pissing me off. As you say, we all use them. It was the way you expressed them. You didn’t say “So many Americans I know” or “So many Americans I come into contact with,” you just said “Americans.” Until everyone called you out and you were forced to explain yourself, there was no indication in your posts that you really understood that you were basing your opinions on a very limited sample of Americans.
And to be honest, I’m still not totally convinced that your opinions of my countrymen are all that well-informed. The people you find in chat rooms really are a special breed in many cases. Chat rooms tend to collect the uglies.
The Americans on this board to me represent a far more accurate depiction of my country as far as I’m concerned. If you can’t travel to the U.S., at least do us the favor of forming your opinions based on the good folks here than on the assholes you find in some chat room emoticonning and lol-ing all over the goddamn.
Thanks.
You mean prawns on the barbie, a shrimp is a small person.
And fosters, what is that!? Real Australians™ drink XXXX!
P.S. You can keep Steve Irwin… and if you Merkins don’t want Jamie Oliver (Naked Chef) can I have him? Please?
For your sake, I am glad. Fosters = ugh x3.
No deal! You must tale Steve Irwin…well, unless we can get an Italian-American to put a contract out on him, because they’re all Mafia-connected, don’t you know. 
::all dreamy-eyed:: I remember my daddy’s '65 Mercury Monterey, the one we cruised the endless highways on at 120mph: a ride so smooth you would think it hovered about the pavement, big comfy bench seats, and big enough to sleep three people… ahhhhhh
Yes, I’m afraid you are.
Forget lobely–let’s get Princhester!
Did I miss something? The revered Crown Victoria is still available, with rear-drive V8 and all. But if you really want the guts, go with a Mercury Marauder. Boo yaa!
We don’t have large cars? Who invented the SUV? Ahem. I’m willing to accede this point. But that’s because I’d take a big Ford over a Citroen or Fiat any day of the week.
True. The Crown Vic is still available. But our Aussie friends have the luxury of choice. They get to pick between the LTD and cars like the Holden Statesman DeVille and Caprice. We don’t.
And yeah, we invented the SUV, but I’m talking about cars here, not trucks.
Zap, who believes cars should be sold by the pound.
Squish, who believes that a car is the most-overlooked weapon of defense in the modern arsenal.
Negotiations: How about if we keep Steve Irwin but they have to play the Australian episode of the Simpsons every monday at 7:30 pm. Just to make it interesting.
Other then that I’m perfectly happy and have never thought badly about any of the countries mentioned. Even for the idiots they may have produced. And as soon as we trick them all onto spaceships to colonize other planets we can all party together.
Actually I take that back there is one person I desperately want to get rid of. Please do something about Rupert Murdock.
Captioning English: They caption a lot on CNN. Say they’re interviewing an 85 year old woman from the south with a heavy accent, they’ll caption her. I don’t need it but presumably some people do.
big cars: Oh man, if you’re on a long drive and you got that huge back seat, why it is simply heaven. As long as you don’t get in an accident. Plus how do you have sex in a Honda? And that’s important because we are one of the most oversexed nation on the planet.
One more thing about the NFL. Many teams play on a thin strip a plastic grass right over concrete. Something you definately don’t want to bounce your coconut off of. But I wouldn’t use professional sports as an indicator anyway. I used to play lots of pick-up tackle football games with nothing but shorts on (when we were skins).
To Brits, Canadians, Australians, New Zealanders, and anyone else slagging American beer…
If you are judging American beer by the flavored water called Budweiser or Coors, you are in for a shock…
America has the best beer in the world!!!
Sorry, blokes, I’ve had ally our beer, including Victoria Bitter (which is pretty damn tasty), but our microbreweries have evolved American beer light years past where it was only 15 years ago.
Nowadays, you can walk into any pub in America and order Victory Storm King Stout, Hop Devil Ale, Mobjack Blueberry Wheat Beer, Widmer Brothers Hefeweizen, Carolina Blonde, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Pyramid Apricot Ale, Yuengling Black and Tan, to name only a few of the hundreds of brands of locally brewed beer form American microbreweries.
We’ll beat Molson’s, Foster’s, and Watney’s Red Barrel any day!
Amen, gobear! Preach it, brother.
Um…I don’t think you’d find Watney’s Red Barrel in any pub or off license in Britain, not in this century anyway.
And I wish that I could’ve ordered any of those beers (sounding good) but the bars and pubs I saw in the States didn’t have anything like that.
Um…I don’t think you’d find Watney’s Red Barrel in any pub or off license in Britain, not in this century anyway.
And I wish that I could’ve ordered any of those beers (sounding good) but the bars and pubs I saw in the States didn’t have anything like that.
Um…I don’t think you’d find Watney’s Red Barrel in any pub or off license in Britain, not in this century anyway.
And I wish that I could’ve ordered any of those beers (sounding good) but the bars and pubs I saw in the States didn’t have anything like that.
Oops. Sorry.
Ah, but you won’t (necessarily) beat Hopback Summer Lightning, Black Cat Mild, Jennings Sneck Lifter, Wadworth 6X, Coniston Bluebird, etc.
Let’s just say, whether in the US or the UK, real ale rules. Hooray for microbreweries and boo to cardboard-tasting gassy fake beer.
CRUSOE, the next time you’re in the States, I will treat you to a nice selection of microbrews and won’t even subtley push on you the superiority of my favorite, Widmer Hefeweisen. (Mmmmmm.)
I could do no less for the Boardmate who shares my birthday. 