Local H is seriously the worst fucking band of all time

Cafe Society
1

I heard a new Local H song on the radio the other day. After the initial “WTF!?” reaction to the horrible, garbagey song, I was insulted and infuriated that a band like Local Fucking H is still getting played on the radio.

Are you guys fucking kidding me!?

Local H were the epitome of a johnny-come-lately, bandwagon-jumping derivative shitmongers, so truly worthless and valueless that they made other “Alt Rock” craze jumpers like Sponge and Dishwalla look like the fucking Velvet Underground and Beatles by comparison. These cro-mags were probably playing metal six weeks before they heard Nirvana and decided to do a shoddy, embarrassing ripoff of that band.

What a crock! What a completely pointless and valueless band!

And yet, a quick look at the Allmusic guide reveals that they’ve kept making records all these years, all of which sound just like it’s still 1994 and they’re practicing their Kurt voice and Cobain poses in front of the mirror in mom’s basement.

Fucking embarrassing. Humiliating for humanity. I hate our freedom.

2

Can’t be true, because it would mean that System Of A Down is only second-worst.

3

It’d be bad news for Creed, too.

4

I’ve never even heard of this band.

5

I’ve heard of them, but I’m completely blanking on the name of their one-semi-hit-wonder song. And didn’t their guitar or bass player have some kind of gimmick, or am I thinking of someone else from the mid-90s?

6

Two gimmicks - black drummer, and the guitarist was a “guitarist AND bassist,” replacing the bottom two strings of his guitar with bass strings and having a seperate bass pickup installed that went to its own output, which went to a bass amp. Unfortunately, 1) he only did this live, going for the boring route on their records and 2) it apparently sounded like complete shit, live.

7

Their big hit was called “Bound For The Floor.”

8

That was “that keep it copacetic” song, right? That was a decent tune, I thought. Nothing I’d buy, but better than a lot of shit I’ve heard on the radio.

9

Well, if they’re having sex while they’re playing, as you suggest, that would make them sound pretty bad.

And I second the Creed nomination.

10

Me neither. Maybe we should be glad?

11

Having a black drummer’s a ‘gimmick’?

12

Well, not since 1999, when Joe Daniels left the band.

13

You’re gonna get pissed about generic grunge bands from the mid-90s, you’re gonna spend a lot of time pissed.

14

Name one other black member of any popular “alternative” band. Living Colour do not count.

15

Lajon Witherspoon of Sevendust.

16

I’m just pissed that this band has someone not managed to have gone back to working at Maaco like the member of the Gin Blossoms and Dishwalla.

17

Sevendust were a funk-metal band that came along much later, in the late nineties, as part of the nu-metal thing - and even they intentionally called attention to the “darkie” in their midst in order to get P.C. points and credibility.

Try again.

18

I like Local H. So what if they’re Johhny-come-lately Nirvana clones? I like Nirvana’s sound, but for some reason they stopped making records some time ago. Plus, Local H did a cover version of Toxic that rocks on toast.

–Cliffy

19

I think Courtney Love broke them up, like Yoko did with the Beatles.

20

I never hear Creed on the radio, so I can simply pretend they don’t actually exist.