The kitchen sink was my family’s baby and toddler bathtub. No garbage-disposal thing in it, mind you, but it didn’t require the adult doing the washing to bend down (“my mother” and “bending down” do not belong in the same sentence). I’ve known other families which used a plastic bucket, the low-sided kind you use to carry stuff such as your washing.
Congratulations, Max and family! Welcome to the best and hardest thing you will ever do.
Yes. And go ahead and get the soy based formula. As an emergency back-up, there is no reason to risk stomach upset from cow-milk based formula. With Celtling I always gave her one bottle of formula per day, along with breast-feeding. My feeling was, as a working Mom, that if it became necessary there was no reason it needed to be a shock to her system.
As an involved Dad it would be great for you to be able to feed the baby too. Consult your pediatrician, of course.
Dogs: Take them to the park and start getting them used to the noises of children and the weird way children move. Basenjis are notoriously good with kids, but you need to get them used to the idea. Our little mutt knew I was pregnant before I did, and became extremely protective of me. When she started to walk though, he began to want to compete for pack rank with her and we had serious trouble.
Cotton diapers: They’ve have come a long way. The prices will be shocking at first, but believe me, the disposables add up fast too. Do yourself a favor and order now from Alibaba.. The prices are amazing but it can take weeks for the products to arrive. Get at least 8 each of all the sizes, and at least 10 extra pads.
Keep in mind that most daycare places won’t deal with cloth, you’ll need disposables during the day if you’re going that route.
Carseat: Secure installation is harder than you’d think. Our local police had clinics to install them,and some firestations will help you with that as well. I strongly recommend a steel framed one that can be backward facing for as long as possible. Also a plastic mirror so baby can see that Parent has not left them. This is the modern version of the one I picked. Don’t move them from car to car, and don’t click them in and out. It’s not safeto leave a baby sleeping in a car seat outside the car. You can order extra covers, and I highly recommend it. Also put a towel underneath and behind each one when you install them. Otherwise the car fabric will be destroyed.
Think about your strategy for making sure the baby is never left in the car. It happens more easily than you can imagine, and the results are too horrible to contemplate. I always left my purse in the back seat and never left the car without opening the rear door.
Stroller: Get the big comfy one for long days out at the zoo. But have a cheap, light “umbrella stroller” for each of the cars.
Baby registries: I picked through the Target and Walmart registries, marking the things I thought I’d need, then consulted with other mothers. Those are the best checklists I found, but they’ll have tons of stuff you don’t really need.
Diaper Genie: Keeping dogs out of the diapers should be a major priority. Even if you go with cloth, you still need a good strategy. And always keep disposables on hand too.
Storage: You should start now installing shelves and cabinetry 2.5 feet from the ceiling in every room. 
The time will come when almost nothing in your house can safely be stored under the 7foot mark. And by the time that happens, installing cabinets and shelves will endanger naptime,which can get you killed.
Oh! And one more tip: Put an extra recycling bin near your mailbox, or wherever you sort mail.
When the world gets the word (and it will) that you have a baby on the way, your mailbox is going to explode with advertisements. Ditto the spam e-mails. You are officially entering the most coveted of all US advertising categories; prepare for the bombardment.
Being a new parent can be extremely time consuming and stressful in addition to being amazingly wonderful. I think you’ll be looking for any convenience you can, and cloth diapers aren’t going to help with that. I would say to start with disposables until you get the hang of things and transition to cloth if you want to.
One thing to keep in mind is that your lives are going to be turned upside down. Parents who expect to still be able to carry on with their normal day-to-day tasks and hobbies are going to be very disappointed. Both of you should expect to put many activities on hold and realize that your free time may go drastically down. The reality is that your life after kids is going to be different in many ways. The more you embrace that change, the smoother things will go.
You mention your dogs. Just because of the nature of being a parent, you won’t be able to spend the same out of time and attention on them. So make sure you make time for them so they don’t get pushed to the side.
One thing that is really nice in those first weeks is to have a helpful relative stay with you. Having an extra set of hands really makes a difference, especially if they are also experienced parents.
That time already came when we got dogs…
A few questions:
(1) We do have dogs (two basenjis, around beagle-sized). My wife has a lot of experience and training with dogs, but any suggestions are welcome
My guess is the dogs will be fine. If for any reason they aren’t fine, rehome them IMMEDIATELY (we had a cat that went after babies).
(2) Has anyone here used cloth diapers recently? I like the idea of contributing less to landfill… but if they’re 25% more stressful and less effective at containing poop when we’re already dealing with what everyone describes as being overwhelming amounts of stress and sleep deprivation, maybe it isn’t worth it? And for anyone who did, did you launder them yourself or use a service?
I didn’t, but I have friends who have. Are you going to be using daycare? Is it a cloth friendly daycare? Half our diapers were daycare diapers, and they wouldn’t use cloth. The friends who have all used diaper wraps and swore by them, so add that to the list of things you’ll be buying and washing. (I don’t think its hard to wash diapers - it isn’t like they need to be ironed and folded. Just rinsed out when you take them off, washed hot and dried. Folding is optional - you can haul them out of a basket in the baby room like I do my socks)
(3) One purchase we absolutely positively need is certainly a car seat. We have two cars. Is it worth getting some fancy system where there’s a frame in each car, and then a seat that snaps into either one, and maybe that seat also snaps into a stroller, and then the seat can be replaced by a larger seat but keeping the stroller and frames and yada yada? Is there a well-respected product along those lines that anyone can recommend?
One of the things you’ll discover is that over the next five years, you will own several car seats. You need one for the infant stage - if you have daycare with one dropping off and one picking up, then the baby bucket that has two bases works really well logistically - but they outgrow the baby bucket fast - probably six or nine months. Then you move to the carseat that gets them through toddlerhood. At that point, two carseats is nice - unless you will always be able to leave the carseat with the kid (again, our daycare didn’t have carseat storage … we both needed a carseat, or only one parent would be able to pick up and drop off). You’ll get another carseat sometime in the preschool years, and then possibly a booster seat to get them through early elementary, when you’ll have a number of years of peace before they start arguing over the front seat at twelve, then followed by drivers ed and paying insurance costs for a teenager…I’m getting ahead of myself a little. You are never supposed to use a used car seat - or one that has been in an accident - but because the carseat budget will be the gross national product of Cameroon - and you’ll want that money later for car insurance, and we don’t need more trash in our landfills - if you know of someone getting rid of a recent model carseat in good shape that you know is accident free, grab it.
Oh, the carseat snapping into the stroller thing…I wouldn’t. The baby bucket will be designed to fit on a grocery cart. Infants don’t spend a lot of time strolling, and cheap strollers work fine - in some ways really cheap umbrella strollers are great because they are cheap, small, easily transportable - and you’ll want the money you spent on an expensive stroller later for car insurance and college tuition (is there a theme to my posts? - but its a good theme, my daughter is at a private college - loan free - and people laughed at me when I had cheap strollers and hand me down baby clothes)
Diapers: Sorry, I gave you the Alibaba address. That’s for wholesalers and averages 300-1000 unit minimum orders. Probably not what you need! LOL!
Try Aliexpress instead.
Babies really aren’t that expensive. Marketing wonks will tell you they are, and the consumer-driven culture will, but since a baby won’t even remember their first 3-4 years there’s really very little reason to splurge on material things. Make it a rule that any money you spend on things for them has to be matched with a equal amount in a college savings account. This both doubles the cost of that impulse knick knack that will become a trip hazard in the near future, AND forces you to save for what’s really important. Thrift stores are overflowing with gently used children’s clothes and such because they outgrow them so fast. Don’t get your safety equipment(car seats, strollers, high chairs, etc.) second hand though. Even if it appears to be in good condition the safety standards may have changed and it not be adequate now, or there be hidden stress damage.
Cloth diapers these days are great. You can get all-in-one style diapers that have fleece linings with PUL(PolyUrethaneLaminate) outer covers so it wicks moisture away and solids just mostly slide off. The old cotton prefolds that need enormous safety pins and plastic overpants are not what cloth diapering is now. Get a “Starter set/sample pack” from someplace like Kelly’s Closet and see what style works for you. Then buy a few more of the style you like. You don’t need more than a dozen or so, because you’ll be washing them frequently because you don’t want them sitting around dirty. You can spend ~$150-200 and have a set of diapers which will last you most of your kid’s diapered lifetime. Instead of ~$25 every few weeks on disposables. Keep a couple all in ones for days with a sitter or other caregiver, or trips away from home, but mostly at home you can use pocket diapers or prefolds with covers. Read up on the proper washing and care of the diapers. If you don’t follow the instructions you could strip off the waterproofing by drying them too hot, or allow them to develop some really funky smells.
Most important logistics consideration? Invest in your time with the kid. Play with them, talk to them, read to them. Take them outside a lot. Teach them to pick things up, let them put gross things in their mouths. Expose them to the world and go along with them. Their brains are so amazingly adaptable, give them a wide range of natural stimuli to develop their minds, motor skills, and immune system. Minimize their screen-based time as much as you can.
And don’t leave any Beta MtG cards within reach of their crib when they’re teething. :smack:
Enjoy,
Steven
In the advertising and junk mail you might get, or might not get, you might get ads for life insurance. Birth of first child is a life event that with some companies makes getting life insurance easier and simpler ---------------- shorter forms no med exam.
I have two pieces of advice.
-
Buy used. Find the used baby stuff store in your town and get familiar with it. Babies grow FAST and they don’t wear things out. Everything is like 10-15% of what it would cost new. And they usually have every last thing you need. Don’t forget that babies do not care whether they are dressed in “boy colors” or “girl colors”.
-
As a Dad, you will be naturally be relegated to the level of a yard dog. You’ll be seen as simply not as good at anything to do with baby as Mom is. Everyone will believe this about you, very possibly including your wife. And this will naturally make you want to back farther away. Do NOT do this. There is nothing intrinsically maternal about changing diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, or cleaning up puke. If you push through that “let the woman do it” blockage and step up to the plate despite everything, and learn how to do the things and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for them, everyone will benefit – the baby, your wife, you, and your marriage (which will need strengthening, trust me). Babies are exhausting. You never have been so tired so long, and you never will be again. Having at least two people fully on deck will make it possible to survive this wonderful period of your lives.
My thoughts on cloth diapers: Disposables cost $0.30 each or less bought in bulk online. Even if cloth diapers worked just as well (in my experience they do not), if someone offered me a job rinsing out and then later washing diapers for $0.30 each I would not take that job.
I have been an “expecting parent” (and a “parent”) multiple times: back in the eighties, when my own kids were born, and now, because we live with our grandson (aged 2) and his mom and do a lot of childcare.
My two cents:
The car seat that can be locked into interchangeable platforms was very very useful to us this time around (till he finally outgrew it). The day care has a small storage place for car seats, so my daughter could drive the little guy there in her car and I could pick him up in mine. My recollection is that the purchase of one seat and x platforms was cheaper than the purchase of x separate seats would have been…but worth looking into because I’m not sure. I really wish this had been an option back when our own guys were young!
We rarely used the seat with the stroller, though. The stroller worked fine by itself, still use it in some situations though I admit I prefer the umbrella stroller for many purposes…I think the stroller was a gift; I doubt I would have bought it myself.
Definitely use community resources to make sure the seats (whatever they are) are in safely and properly. It’s really difficult to do on your own. My local police department does it, at occasional “events” at the station or the library or wherever, but you can also call and make an appointment. No charge. I highly recommend you do it!
We gave cloth diapers the ol’ college try back in the day, for both kids, for reasons similar to yours. We used a diaper service. The cloth diapers didn’t do a great job of containing waste–either kind. They had to be washed at what seemed like enormously high heat (the service bragged about the heat–“way above what your home washer can reach!”–no doubt to allay concerns that the diapers didn’t get truly clean), but that cut severely into the environmental benefits of reusability. Both kids also turned out to be peculiar sizes–one long and skinny, the other short and compact–and it became clear that the cloth diapers didn’t fit them all that well. I am told that cloth diapers have become much better (then again, so have disposables); but when we saw a demonstration this time around it really didn’t seem like much of an improvement. Used disposables for the grandson and never regretted it.
While it is true that babies IN GENERAL do grow fast and that things like clothes don’t wear out, that is not INVARIABLY the case. Daughter was very short and grew quite slowly; grandson, also rather short, is doing the same. For both, we have had things wear out before they get too small. This does not invalidate advice about buying used, using hand-me-downs, etc., etc., but if you have reason to expect that the child might be a slow grower, just be aware that those conventional bits of wisdom may be off.
Finally: specifically to the OP: There are a few people out there–there were more in the eighties but they still exist today–who do not believe that men can take adequate care of children, especially babies. They are generally harmless but they are irritating. Practice now saying “I got this, thanks,” or “Appreciate the input,” or the Cold Hard Stare of Miss Manners. Let’s hope you never have to use it, but best to Be Prepared.
Enjoy! Exhausting, especially the second time around, but what a rich reward.
FWIW they do this to mothers too. EVERYBODY will know exactly what you SHOULD be doing and how what you are doing is exactly what is ruining the world today. Smile sympathetically while they talk themselves out, then do what feels right to you.
We did cloth diapers with a service, and it was fine. They were the folding kind with snap or velcro covers—no pins. They were fine, but we ended up washing once or twice between pickups anyway, so at one of the size changes we just bought a bunch of cloth diapers and washed them ourselves. Our washer and dryer have a sanitize mode, so we just used that. Other than knocking off big chunks, we didn’t do any pre-scrubbing. So, cloth diapers: 2.5 stars. Also, disposables 2.5 stars, because you’re still wrist deep in shit either way.
Having said that, if your kid wakes up after wetting cloth diapers, then get disposables for nights and naps. Get some more disposables and put them in all vehicles, the diaper bag, purses, back packs, etc. You will at some point end up in a health food store buying some kind of vegan diapers, because you forgot the diaper bag and it’s the nearest place (or maybe that was just me).
It was a famous Prussian parent who said, “no plan survives first contact with the baby.” So be willing to change plans, and try not to beat yourself up about it. Trouble breast feeding? Use formula, or do both, as long as the kid is eating it doesn’t matter. Cloth is better for the environment, but the kid/parent/dogs hate them, switch to disposable, etc.
Also, don’t over complicate things, as they will be chaotic enough. Try cold bottled breast milk or formula, because if your kid doesn’t care if it’s heated, then why bother. Can’t figure out the fancy swaddling instructions, then just roll the kid up in the swaddling blanket and hook it closed with bulldog clips. As long as the arms can’t get out, it doesn’t have to be tricky. Don’t have crib, a dresser drawer with a towel on the bottom is fine (I dead pan threatened that one to torment the grand parents).
For carseats, the latch in base and detachable bucket work great. The base is pretty easy to move from car to car, so if you mostly use the same car to transport the kid, then one is fine. We didn’t bother with a fancy stroller, but just got a much cheaper frame that the bucket snapped into. That was worth it.
And has others have said, (except the carseat) buy everything you can used. If you are offered a used carseat from somebody you can trust was never in an accident, be sure and check the expiration date on it. The energy absorbing foam does deteriorate over time. They typically last 5-8 years.
Also, big people food. Buy or pre-make some frozen meals. Stock up on some type of power bar or other food that Mom can eat while breast feeding. The baby won’t care about crumbs or drips.
A padded baby helmet is easier than putting covers over all the sharp corners that your baby will be falling into. Good luck!
When your wife sits down to breast feed, always bring her a glass of cold water and a napkin. You just wouldn’t believe the thirst that hits you as the milk lets down. But at the time you are settling in you’re so focused on the baby that you just can’t think of it.
Ideally find someone who had their only child six/nine months or a year before you and let them know you’ll take their stuff. At this point, this may seem like a huge imposition on another human being, but trust me, a year from now if someone offers to take your outgrown baby stuff off your hands and all you have to do is put it into boxes as its outgrown and call, you’ll be “sign me up!” Bonus points if its someone with more money than sense who buys really good stuff brand new. I know people who worked this sort of relationship through first bikes and early forays into sports (do you have any idea how much a t-ball bat costs!) - even hamster cages.
Like others have said, just talk to other parents.
Go visit their homes. See what they have set up. See how they do their car seats.
Watch them feed, diaper, bathe, and generally play and interact with their babies and children.
Maybe take over and practice?
Get some sleep while you can.
This. Babies barf on everything, and they grow like weeds. They will wear that cute little outfit twice - then they outgrow it.
And this.
Fathers in particular get a ton of advice. This is balanced off somewhat by the idea that you are doing something unusual by caring for your own child, especially in public. So you can get away with stuff, providing you cultivate the knack of smiling appreciatively and then doing as you think best. That includes for random strangers, relatives, and even occasionally my wife.
Maybe this sounds harsh, but it worked for me - the way my wife did whatever for the baby is not necessarily the right, or only, way it could be done. What worked for me was to say ‘you look exhausted - go take a nap/read a book/watch TV while I take Junior out for a while.’ And even though I didn’t hold him the right way or feed him the right way or dress him the right way, he and I managed to figure out something that worked. For us. Okay, maybe his shirt was on backwards, or it took me longer to change a diaper, or I looked ridiculous talking about the stock market with a six month old in the grocery store. But kids don’t need much beyond food, warmth, and attention.
Of course all this is 29 years ago, and sleep deprivation has mercifully erased most of the bad memories. But both my kidlets survived into adulthood, and so did I, more or less.
Sooner or later I will be a grandpa. And then, by golly, it’s payback time. Because I am going to spoil those grandkids rotten.
Regards,
Shodan