Long distance is hard.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Everyone’s said it - communication.

Hubby and I met online when he was visiting a friend in the US and I was living in Sydney, Australia.

He then went back to the UK and we kept talking, and chatting, and roleplaying online. He came to visit me in Sydney after about six months, and stayed for three whole months. Then he went back to the UK, and it was another year before he could come out and see me again.

Once more, international calling cards were my friend. They saved me from phone bills that would have been several hundred dollars. Plus there was IM, webcams and chatting online. Then he came over, spent 12 months on a working visa and we got hitched. Now he’s been approved (for the 2-year pre-resident visa), and we’re happy together.

Just keep holding on. It’s worth it in the end.

22

We spent our first 6 months with me in DC and him in California. It was HARD, but so worth it. Each time we would visit would be pure bliss, then utter agony when it was time to go. Two months ago, I moved to CA to live with him and it’s wonderful. Thank goodness I am lucky enough to have a cool job and cool boss who let me telecommute, so I could keep my job!

We are so lucky to live in a day and age with e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging and cell phone plans were we could talk to each other for free. All those things helped ease the pain a bit.

23

Paging KeithT. :smiley:

**KeithT **and I met right here on the Dope back in April and in person in May and just hit it off great. We’re doing the long distance thing until he finishes grad school next May and then from there… well, hopefully we’ll both find jobs in the same city. He’s starting that process right now and it’s scary and exciting and nervewracking all at once.

We talk every day on the phone… thank goodness for free mobile-to-mobile! And we’ve been able to see each other every 4-6 weeks since we met. Not sure what’s going to happen in the spring when he’s working on his thesis, but for now it’s going really well.

It is HARD though. My previous relationship was also long distance, but not like this at all. Then I was always kinda glad to leave at the end of visits. Now I hate leaving and waiting weeks to see each other again. (We were together for Labor Day so I’m in the :frowning: part of the visit cycle right now.)

I’m really glad to hear that other people have made it and have gone on to be very happy together. Keep the good stories coming!

24

:slight_smile:

I liked your story. It helped on a Bad News day.

25

I was so ready for this to be about running. :frowning:

26

In brief, my story: I met Mrs. Lacha when she was over from Ireland, working in NY on a J1 student Visa. We hit it off, had a pleasant summer dating, and then I went back down to school in Savannah, GA and she went back to Maynooth, Co. Kildare. 4000 miles. We wrote and wrote, dated the next summer when she came over. One more year apart. Writing, writing. 4000 miles.
And then we graduated, she moved over, I (finally) met her parents, and tah dah! We’ve been married for over 14 years!
So sometimes long-distance has it’s advantages. We both got to know each other very well through letters and brief phone calls, and it made the short time we had together that much sweeter. Admittedly, it’s not an easy road; it can get quite frustrating, and you need a certain measure of inner strength and willpower.
Good luck!

27

That’s so true. And it gets a little harder every time. I think I’m having such a tough time now because we got to spend three weeks together exploring Europe this summer. Every day, every night, hardly ever more than a few feet apart. And now there are 500 miles between us.

Thank goodness we’re both chatty! But still, sometimes I’d give anything for a kiss. :frowning:

Thanks for all the inspirational stories, you guys. It helps to know that others have managed to make things work despite distance. And since misery loves company, it’s nice to know that others are going through the same hell.

Support group, anyone?

28

Man this thread gives me hope. I just started a 1,400-mile relationship about a month and a half ago (after knowing her for about 7 years).

I can concur with a lot of what’s been said here: we email a lot, call a lot, and we’ve both seen each other’s not-so-pretty faces (voices) over the phone. And things are going swimmingly, even though it’s frustrating.

I keep really hoping this relationship will go somewhere, and when I opened this thread I was worried I’d see a bunch of stories about not getting one’s hopes up over the LDR. I’m pleasantly surprised.

I think maybe the hard work that goes into such a relationship may even strengthen it in the long-term.
Happy

29

I find it amusing and heartening that no one has had any true horror stories here. My guy and I only started dating two weeks before we moved. Everyone told us we were nuts for trying it and said long distance relationships never work. Who came up with that idea? It seems like they do, from reading this thread.

Note, while I’m typing this, I’m staring at my cellphone, willing my boyfriend to call. It isn’t working too well.

30

I agree, it’s nice to know that it has worked for so many people here. But we’re only hearing from the people for whom it worked. Look at the post-to-view count for this thread. Maybe 95 percent of the people who read it have never had a LDR. Maybe some did, it didn’t work out and they didn’t want to rain on our parade. Or not, who knows!

But as we all know, pursuing a love relationship with someone who is hundreds or thousands of miles away is a huge, life-altering undertaking. It’s not for the weak. So when you wind up a thousand miles from where you were, with a new person in your life and not much else, you are bound to make it work, because you have no alternative. This is such a major thing, you can’t quit in the middle 'cause it’s hard. Of course it’s hard. It’s uprooting your old life and inventing a new one from scratch in an unfamiliar place. You’d better be sure it’s what you want to do, and then do it right and don’t mess it up. I get great satisfaction from having been right about this all along.

I also get great satisfaction from having undertaken something that no one else I know personally has ever done, and making it work. If it didn’t work out, I would have to go into hiding, because how could I face all those nay-sayers back where I come from? I had people tell me I was insane for even thinking about it. I admit, it’s rather outside the box, but I was getting this flak from people who had never done anything outside the box. Well, after I got my Green Card, I went back for a visit. And I was struck by how everyone was doing exactly the same thing they were doing when I left. Their days melted into one another, and their routines never varied. Here I was, having been on this great adventure, doing something unheard of, learning, growing as a person, getting life experience and being in love with a wonderful woman. And the folks in my old life were still watching TV, drinking beer, being broke, wishing something exciting could happen to them. I could almost taste the resentment they harbored toward me for daring to break out. So I’m not homesick anymore.

So, everybody in this thread, dare to be different. Get what you want, and don’t take no for an answer, or make excuses why not, or listen to anybody else’s excuses for why you shouldn’t do this. If you know it’s right, go for it, and do the right thing and show the people around you that you are in fact not insane. It’ll give you an extra measure of happiness that others may never know. And that’s a good thing. Change is good. Change for love is even better.

31

You are my new best friend.

I printed this out to carry with me.

32

Awwww, shucks. ::digs toe in the sand::

Thanks.

33

Well, I had a long-distance relationship that didn’t work out. Two of them, in fact.