::: kicks toe in dirt :::
Ok, I’m sure this is going to be quite odd, but my question is thus…
If you wanted to have a long distance relationship intentionally, how would one go about doing that? I’m sure it can’t possibly be as simple as finding a significant other on www.longdistancerelationshiphookup.com or searching out chat rooms specific for that. So how can I do it?
And no, I don’t already have anyone in mind. It’s just starting completely over in the new life and all has made me desire a little extra contact, that won’t be very time consuming or inclined toward commitment. Not necessarily much of anything, in other words. Therefore, this (admittedly goofy idea) would fit the bill and some. We could take a while to get to know one another and yet still wouldn’t be encumbered with going out often. Or I guess at all. Hell, this could be perfect! 
I’m sure there is more I should add, but that might get the ball rolling. Any thoughts?
It seems to me like you could just go to any dating chat room/website and easily find dudes who live far away to pursue something like this with. While I don’t seek out extremely long-distance relationships, I intentionally tend to focus on guys on dating sites who don’t live RIGHT in my city…more like 10 or 20 miles away is preferable. I like having some “space”. 
Or maybe you could try a pen pal website and just see if you can get a flirtation started with someone on there? Obviously people looking for pen pals aren’t expecting to meet up right away.
I met three long distance “partners”, including the man who is now my husband, through a freeform roleplaying chat room and a MUX (respectively).
Of course, that may not be your cup of tea if you’re specifically looking for someone to date. But I got involved with these guys, because we were roleplaying the same types of games, and we knew we had similar hobbies in common.
Sure, it took 3 tries. But I got there in the end!
See, I’d start on the internet but with someone who’s close enough that you could actually have a relationship if things go in that direction.
That’s where you’re wrong. A long distance relationship can develop in two ways. Either becomes a luke-warm pen-pal relationship, and those tend to die quickly as other interests pop up.
Or it can become passionate. And then you’ll find it will become incredibly time-consuming. Much more so then an ordinary relationship, because the lovers try to make up for proximity with intensity. You’sll find yourself writing lengthy e-mails, (often!), in chat-sessions lasting hours, (in the middle of the night if you picked someone from another timezone!). You’ll have hours of telephone-calls, made possible through lower rates and Skype… And then I’m not even mentioning the hours or days of travel if you actually want to see the other.
Believe me, faithfool, you’d be better of seeking a low-commitment relationship or friendship (with or without benefit) in your own town.
I personally think that…um – well, actually, it’ll be simpler to just second what Maastricht said.
As a veteran of too many long-distance relationships, intentional and accidental, I will third what Maastricht said.
So, um, am I the only one who clicked the link in the OP? You know, just in case? 
I made a very conscious decision NOT to do that because I really, really didn’t want to know.
Lessee, to address what’s been mentioned so far…
[ul]
[li]I am absolutely horrible at dating sites. That’s another thing that seems like too much commitment right now. As far as pen pals go, that might fall into the same category, but since I’d never thought of it before, I’ll have to mull it over. Thanks for the suggestion lavenderviolet.[/li][li]I’ve never much done the role playing game thing, Sierra Indigo. I’m more old school in that something like (don’t laugh!) Ms. Pac-Man was my forte. However, when I finally do re-establish some hobbies, I suppose I can go that route.[/li][li]Kalhoun, that should be true for most people, I suspect. But I’m just oh-so-very-gun-shy for the decade. Yanno?[/li][li]It sounds as if Maastricht,** Asimovian** and cowgirl are indeed veterans of these things. Is it really as bad as all that if you establish firmly up front what you are and aren’t willing to entangle yourself in? Gosh, it seemed in my pre-marriage days that LDR were so low key as to be (at least for me anyway) almost non-existent. Perhaps I was doing it wrong though. I promise to keep all this in mind before I do any jumping.[/li][/ul]
Oh, and I see that Misnomer has snuck in on me while I’ve been compiling my post. Exactly what were you wondering “just in case”? Huh, huh? Is it something fun? Bigger than a breadbox? Smaller than Trump Towers? Don’t keep secrets! You’ll kill me. Oh, and gracias everyone. I know asking on here is light years ahead of trying to go back into a chat room. :::: shudder :::
Speaking for myself, I can say with certainty, yes, yes it is as bad as all that. Because things never work out the way you expect them to. You may suddenly find one of you (but not the other) wanting to entangle, or you may find both of you hopelessly and delightfully entangled but absolutely unable to do anything about it because of the distance. Or you may find yourself delightfully entangled, and be forced into a decision because of the distance.
For example: you have your nice little LDR, it works out well, you both find you like each other more than you anticipated and might be willing to take a chance on it. But the only way you can do so is to get married (eg if your partner lives overseas). You won’t know if you want to marry them until you live in the same city as them for a while, but you can’t live in the same city without marrying them. Do you take the chance? If not, do you continue the relationship?
The reason they’re “bad” is because they don’t ever seem to work out as planned, and also because plans have an unfortunate habit of changing.
I tend towards the opinion that starting a relationship of any sort with “This is going to be lighthearted and not emotionally intense” is pretty much asking for trouble. Yeah, maybe it’ll work some of the time – other times one party will fall in love and the other won’t, or both will, and there isn’t the mental preparation there for the possibility.
Up until recently, I’ve been in one long-distance relationship or another for most of my adult life; I find them tremendously labor-intensive when they’re serious (a serious relationship takes a lot of investment to work for me, and a lot of that is really hard to do at a distance, so even more investment …). Yeah, if it winds up being a casual sort of relationship naturally, it’s low-impact, but I find … last time I tried to start a casual sort of relationship we didn’t even get to the ‘benefits’ part of friends-with-benefits before we fell in love. :}
That being said, the LDRs I’ve been on have been with people I’ve met through various online gaming groups or usenet newsgroups. I tend to follow the, ‘Oooh, you’re neat, let’s talk privately … oooh, you’re really shiny’ route for such things.
Too tired for serious LDR these days. Fortunately, I don’t have one anymore.
Well then, in light of the last two responses, maybe I should take a pass on getting involved in anything right now. I certainly don’t want to get someone else wrapped up in something I can’t keep up with. I guess I’ll just continue on the path of Putting Ye Olde Life Back Together.
And shoot, I thought this could be so easy and fun for a change. Just goes to show what happens when I think… about relationship type thingies anyway.
have you tried www.myspace.com?
You can always do what I did. Meet someone you like and then move five hours away.
Oh no Bear_Nenno, I can hardly overcome the OCD to continue to post to my own threads, let alone start a profile or something at a place like myspace. And msmith537, maybe that’ll be what will happen if I just don’t look at all. Prince Charming will want me to end up in Albuquerque.
Hey, one can hope!