$*()#$# long voicemail greetings

I just have to get this off my chest and this seems to be the right place to do it.

What is wrong with whoever comes up with these LOOOONG voicemail greetings? It used to be, “Hi, I’m not here - please leave a message after the beep.”

Now, it’s more like, “Hello - I’m not here right now - I’m either away or unable to answer the phone or otherwise out of reach, but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Remember to leave your number.” Then you think you’re off the hook and can leave your message, but NO, the automated stuff kicks in. (canned voice) “Press 1 and enter your number, followed by the pound [sic] sign to page the person you are calling, or 2 to leave a message. Press 3 for further options, or wait for the tone to leave a general message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up or press pound [sic] for more options.” Then the damn thing pauses before it beeps, and finally daigns (sp) to let you leave a message. Grrr…why don’t they take type “A” people like me into account when they set up these systems??

Why do I have to listen to this crap EVERY DAMN TIME I call the person??? On some systems (very few it seems) you can press “1” to skip it and just leave your message, but I’ve been on systems where the thing just hangs in its stupefied machine silence if you press a digit while it’s doing its little spiel.

This is the right place, and welcome.


Try #? It works on a lot of systems … if not, my apologies. That’s why I almost always multi-task when using the phone. And oh, how I miss speaker phone…

What, this isn’t GQ/MPSIMS? Oops…

StephenG - I didn’t expect an answer - but if “#” works - I will kiss you! (metaphorically speaking). Damn, could it be that simple?!

Reminds me of an old joke that did the rounds here in Nu Zild when voice-mail stuff started being adopted by government departments:

“Hello, you have reached your local police station.
Please press 1 if you wish to report a burglary.
Press 2 if you think the burglar is still in the house
Press 3 if the burglar knows you’re in the house
Press 4 if you wish to report a murder
Press 5 if you’re the one being murdered …”

ooh- ooh- ooh- a pet peeve of mine!!
Also why subject your callers to recorded music -MINUTES of it, badly recorded, corrupted by static and external noises, before you are prompted to leave a message? I’m always tempted to hang up and call back later.

One more thing: I work for a Medical Office and have to call patients with appointments, referrals, etc. I love children as much as the next person, but don’t put them on the voice mail until they can actually speak without a coach. They say a few words… "this is uh uh (then mommy prompts in the background) “SMITH RESIDENCE” which the child repeats, then uh uh and more prompting and on it goes. It takes forever to get the child to finish the whole message and by then I have forgotten why I called. This is cute only when you are the child’s relatives, not when you are calling to leave an important message.

Ice Wolf - ohhhh don’t get me started on those “touch-tone” response systems (especially the INS ones - haha! Try pressing 0 to get to speak to a real person, the thing will say “Goodbye” and hang up on you) Every time I call my health insurance, the thing makes me enter my “subscribe number” (social security number) at least once, more usually several times - no way to skip it. When I finally get to talk to a human, they invariably ask for it again (“Sorry - I don’t have access to that system where you typed it”)

Reminds me of the Simpsons episode where someone is trying to call 911 and they get a touch-tone menu offering wacky choices like “regicide”, “fratricide” etc.

Our voice mail systems lets you press 1 to bypass the recorded message.

The company doesn’t provide any training in using voice mail though, so many people don’t know this. Just as they don’t know you can go directly to voice mail to leave a message for someone you’d rather not talk to in person.

But as for the OP, I agree. Ditto for those long live greetings. “Good morning, Wolfe Clinic Vision and Eye Care Center, this is Carla, how may I direct your call?” I start talking right after I hear the “good morning” and then I feel rude. Harumphf.

Bart Simpson calling the police:

He gets the message “If you know the type of crime being committed, PRESS ONE!”

In a blind fury, he jabs random numbers on the telephone touchpad, and hears “You have selected REGICIDE. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, PRESS ONE!”

I think the long live greetings are worse than long voice mail greetings. Just imagine Ms. DiPesto anwering the phone. I don’t know how Blue Moon ever got any business. :slight_smile:

Even more annoying is when people leave longass messages on my voicemail. I can’t delete until the end, and people (my mom’s awful about it) will call, leave a 5 minute ramble about something they could say in 30 seconds. Example:
What she says-“Hey Pam, it’s Mom. Why aren’t you answering your cell phone? Well, anyways, I’m going to be late coming home tonight, it’s been a crazy day at work. Are you working tonight? Do I need to pick up Sara? I really wish you guys would coordinate your schedule! Well, I guess I should get going, I have a lot more to do before I can get out of here. It’s been a crazy day today…hey, and be sure you drive careful, ok? I love you! I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’ll see you when I get home. And don’t forget, I’m gonna be late.”

What she could say-“Hey Pam, I’m gonna be home late. Does Sara need a ride? I love you!”

What’s worse, is she knows I never keep my cell on except when I’m expecting a call. And she knows I work every day. Yet she still feels the need to ask repetitive questions. And, remind me to drive safe. Because I want to crash into a tree, of course.

Sorry about the rant. I had to get it out :slight_smile: