I go by my middle name. My first name is the same as my father’s, so my parents called me by my middle name. Apparently, this confuses people to no end. I try to explain it to them, but they get a look on their face like a chicken watching a card trick. Bah-gawk?
So, my name is Tommy Dante Hilfingerer. I go by Dante. Get it? Understand? Apparently not. I asked my local bank to send me new cheques with my name as “Dante Hilfingerer”.
“But,” says bank drone, “your name is Tommy D. Hilfingerer.”
“Yes, it is,” replies I “but I go by my middle name, Dante.”
“Bah-gawk?” says she.
“That’s right, my middle name” reiterates I.
Cut to 2 weeks later. I get my cheques in the mail. Know what? They’re wrong. My middle name has a long and short form. So, if my middle name was say Daniel, my cheques now read “Dan Daniel Hilfingerer”. Sigh.
Back to the bank goes I, girding myself for battle.
“It appears someone in your organization thinks my parents are cataclysmically stupid” I begin “Have a look and tell me what you think.”
“By golly, that’s not right!” she replies.
Finally, someone with more than a small bulb at the top of her spinal cord.
“Could we just do my initials instead of a name?” I asks.
“Sure, I’ll handle that.”
Off I goes, confident that soon will I bear many cheques that identify me correctly to the masses. You’d think I know better…
My two first initials are L.C. Those of you playing along at home are no doubt ahead of me here. My cheques come two weeks later.
That’s right. You heard me.
I have to go back tonite and get them changed again. I fear I’m not up for this battle. Surely, I’m no St. George. Please keep me in your prayers and send donations in lieu of flowers to your local Humane Society.