And if, hypothetically speaking a person who just incidentally happened to be male-bodied found that being sexually aggressive in the conventional male way really wasn’t for him, well, he might eventually find that it can work for him, some of the time, with some of the female people, to do the same “something” that the women learned to do.
Yes!!! I call it the “co-reactive dance”! Lots of little things, and then you wait for the other person to respond.
Mine too.
Fortunately, that spills over into being more sexually overt, more sexually aggressive, so that if someone, hypothetically speaking, was male and didn’t feel inclined to go more than 49% of the way across the bridge, so to speak, he just might find that some of these rather assertive female folks would meet him halfway and maybe a smidge more than halfway, with quite pleasant results.
And yes, it has gotten better over the years, and also better with age.
Either that or dance our way to the middle so delicately that it never appeared that either one did.
But if someone did, it wasn’t gonna be me.
It takes a great deal of patience, as well as the slow development of a kind of radar for finding the women most likely to do opening moves, plus the slow practicing of the skills mentioned by monstro above. Even if they feel right and fit well, a person isn’t generally born with them as an innate ability. It’s not the same as passivity.
No idea what MTA subway lines you frequent. Allow me to illuminate for those not familiar with the dynamics of moving through our fair city using public transit. Especially underground.
You catch someone’s eye and smile.
Not leer.
Not wink.
Not grin lasciviously.
Just look at someone’s face and smile.
You are greeted with this.
" So, Mister I’m Wearing A Wedding Ring what the FUCK do you think you’re looking at?? How bout if you stare somewhere else, sack- a- shit??? "
It has happened to me, I’ve watched it happen to others.
I’ve lived in NYC since 1981. Looooooong gone are the days when a human being can make silent connection with another human being on a subway train in a polite manner.
A year or so I got a dirty look from an older woman who was me staring at another woman’s butt. What she didn’t know was that the butt in question belonged to my wife of 20 years.
I’ve experience both, being the hunter and the prey, as it were. It’s been my experience that women aren’t as timid about initiating as you make them out to be. YMMV.
You’re probably cuter than I am. Or you’re better at flirting. But it’s good to know other people (other male people, I should say) have this experience! It’s something I’ve seldom have the opportunity to discuss with people.
I remember being hit on by a very attractive woman at a bar. At the time, I had a GF, so I very politely turned her down. Even after she told me she doesn’t mind that I have a GF.
My other friends who were present at the time gave me endless shit about turning her down. Told me I was “crazy”.
Ugh! That annoyed me to no end. I HATE that the typical expectation is for men to fuck around if given the opportunity. Seriously, that’s fucked up.
WADR, why not? I thought the expectation, as shown by Grrr!'s friends, is that men are ready to have sex with anyone at the drop of a hat. And that seems to be at least part of what AHunter3 is talking about.
I’m nearly always ambivalent about sex for the first time with anyone. Ambivalent doesn’t mean being chock-full of “meh, whatever”. There’s usually a lot of excited anticipation (!!!). But it’s a minefield with opportunities for hurt feelings, for intensities driving things into bad channels, for miscommunication, for indignities and humiliations and challenges to perceptions and so on.
Different people experience their own emotional stake in sex and and sexuality in different ways, but the “Why wouldn’t everybody always be happily ready to have it?” / “wheeee sex” attitude isn’t native to me, and any expectation that that is my attitude is going to cause problems at close range.
