I don’t mean leering.
I don’t mean crude comments.
You’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when you catch a man looking at you for a little longer than someone normally looks at a stranger. In other words, a look of admiration. He doesn’t say anything; he makes no rude gesture; he just walks past and goes on with his life.
How do you feel about that look? Good, bad, or indifferent?
Bad. Creeped out. Paranoid. Self-conscious.
I never catch men looking at me that way. Happy?
Great username/OP combo.
I’m not a woman, but I have never been able to understand this school of thought that ANY attention is bad. (And I’m an introvert!) It is apparently the dearly-held ambition of some people to go through life without being noticed under any circumstances.
Every once in a while, a stranger compliments me on my shirt, or my beard, or my cap. I smile, thank them, and am thankful that I was able, in some small way, to brighten a fellow human being’s day.
On the flip side, I have sometimes given some compliment to a woman, and she lit up almost like a Christmas tree. I’ve had a few times where it was obvious that she could hardly believe at first that some stranger would actually take the time and effort to say something nice.
I realize that the OP was talking only about silent admiration, but the same principle applies. If there is something about you or your appearance that pleases another person, be happy about it! Society would be a lot better off if more people were happy and sociable instead of being curmudgeonly.
Depends on the guy, situation…generally it’s non-threatening.
I put a little extra swing in my backyard when that happens to me.
A look of admiration but no comments - can range from amusing to pretty great.
Cat calls, insisting that you respond, aggressive switches from admiration to calling you a bitch if you don’t show appropriate appreciation - more common and a lot less fun. Can range from irritating to terrifying.
There’s no way to discuss this without sounding like an arrogant jerk, but here goes:
Because for some women it’s not “every once in a while,” as **Flyer ** said, it’s constant eyeballs roving all over you, everytime you leave the house. It’s the accumulation of the constant looking and lusting and subtle to blatant demands for your attention that wear on you. So when a man innocently, in his mind, tries to strike up a conversation and gets shut down, he has no idea that he’s just placed the last straw on the camel’s back.
That said, now that it’s gone (in my forties), I find it annoying and disconcerting to realize that a largish portion of my sense of self was tied up in that attention. The Tina Fey skit “Last Fuckable Day” nailed it.
This seems to be the thread for it.
Most of the time good to indifferent. But kind of creeped out if he’s my dad’s age or older.
Not unpleasant, but distracting. Like i have to check my clothes, check my mirror image, check if the guy meant me, if he wo’nt be intrusive in any way. Like I have to check if I didn’t let him see that I saw him, because that might be awkward later on.
So, it can be nice but it is ALWAYS distracting. And often i don’t want to be distractie cos I have too much to do and too much stuff to pay attention to.
Admiring looks in passing, on my bike, are easier because it is all shorter and more fleeting. Then I usually like it.
But people may already feel a burden to meet others’ expectations of how they should look. It’s not this rush of happiness that you succeeded.
Hate it. Only disgusting creeps give that “look” that basically undresses you mentally without permission.
Well-mannered persons are perfectly capable of noticing someone without obviously doing so.
Why? Men look at women all the time. What’s so offensive about it?
I get looks frequently. I smile in a pleasant but non-inviting way, and go about my business. Occasionally men try to take it further, and that can be annoying, but I just blow them off. Maybe it’s a Midwestern thing, but I almost never encounter overt aggression. I consider the looks a mild compliment, and no big deal.
This is exactly what the OP said they were NOT talking about.
Mostly I don’t mind. If I’m in a good mood and feeling good about myself, I will generally feel good about it. If I am having an awkward, self-conscious sort of day, it might make me wonder why they are looking. Like, do I have something in my hair? or is my zipper down?
If they aren’t being creepy, I’m not creeped out by it.
Would you say that, perhaps, as a man, you can explain?
I try not to do it, but if we make eye contact, I smile, hopefully politely, nod, and look away.
Good gravy, thank you.
Honestly, it’s exhausting just doing the constant mental calculus of interacting with strange men that we have to do as women, never mind being expected to explain WHY we have to. There is Google, and studies aplenty for anyone’s edification. Also, we have explained. Google is also good for this one.