Looks like we won't be moving to Calgary anymore... :(

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We picked up Lil’Kwyj this evening from his Bio-Dad’s place and Trin mentioned to Bio-Dad that we wanted to move to Calgary.

When we thought about telling him, we figured two things could happen:
1.) He would be hesitant, but agree.
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2.) that he would go ballistic. (to which, he would eventually calm down and reconsider.)

He did neither.

He remained calm and told Trin that he didn’t like it at all. Trin explained to him that we only were thinking about it because it would be a better living for all of us, but Bio-Dad said that as soon as I was out there and had a job, it would be then, when we were almost established, that he would take us to court. (I have no idea why he would chose this time to do it. I guess to be threatening and to be a prick.)

Trin explained that he would see Lil’Kwyj more often this way and that we would not expect child support from him again and his only expence would be to pay for the flight back, but it was pointless. He said that even though his visitations are sporadic, (About 6 times a year for 1.5 days at a time.) he still had rights. (Well, I guess he does, but he only has ‘access’, so his rights are limited.) He went on saying that he didn’t sign anything saying that we could take him out of provinces and the court order said nothing about it. (I will have to check up on that last fact.)

Trin and I have a feeling that he will start coming by every two weeks like clock work now. To put on a good show. Seeing as that he is going to flaunt the custody court order, and if he does start coming every two weeks like he as ordered to, then we will also stick strictly to the agreement. We will no longer meet him ‘half way’ so he can have Lil’Kwyj . He’ll have to drive here to us. (Just like the court order said. Like any father who was really interested in seeing his son would do.)

I am also seriously considering calling the government offices, having him reassessed and getting him back on the government controlled child support plan…to be a prick. (We took him off because he wasn’t paying and the government was hounding him. We figured we would do him this favour as we were thinking of moving at this time and that this would be seen as a good gesture on our part.) He still pays, but the government has no controll over it. He is also paying less that he should.)

Lil’Kwyj Bio-dad is pretty useless. He calls to say he is coming to get him and doesn’t show up. Usually he just doesn’t call or show up at all. He has only seen him about 6 times this year.

The research I have done thus far tells me that moving out of province can be stopped if there is a strong bond between the child and the access parent. Lil’Kwyj knows his dad, but rarely sees him or talks about him, so I don’t believe there is a ‘strong bond’

Sigh But none the less, looks like our big move is off. :frowning:

2

That sounds like a really sucky situation. On the other hand, have you really looked into moving to Calgary? Dread Pirate Jimbo and I are thinking about leaving Calgary due to all the problems that are cropping up with Calgary growing so damned fast.

3

I live just outside of Toronto. With all the nonsence with the stress, traffic and endless shootings out here. Anyplace has to be better than this. (Heck, an Italian resturant was just bombed last night!)

I think we can take what Calgary has to throw at us. :slight_smile:

I’ve been out there a few times and talked to many of my companies customers out there. It sounds so much better than this place.

If worst comes to worst, we’ll move out when Lil’Kwyj is 18. That way his Bio-Dad can’t do a thing and Lil’Kwyj can make up his own mind. (It’s only 8 years…I can wait.)

BTW: What sort of problems?

4

You act like he’s in the wrong with respect to his feelings about this. You’re the one that wants to change the terms of the agreement and move. You can pursue your child support issues with him as the law allows, but to think about using this as a hammer to bludgeon him into submission to your desire to re-locate is reprehensible.

5

Yeah, I’m angry and venting. I know I can’t do that. I agree it would be wrong.

I am tired of this guy acting like the responsible parent when it suits him. He never calls, rarely sees his son, and his child support payments are sporatic at best. (Even when he was on the government controlled plan.) All in all, doesn’t give a crap. So why now?

We lived across the road from him, he rarely came to see him. We moved to another part of the same city, he hardly came to see him. We move an hour out of the city and made even less of a effort.

We eventually got tired of him not forming a relationship with his son so we took him to court, got sole custody and made visitation arrangments. He stuck to these arrangements for 2 months and it was back to normal. That was 5 years ago and we are back in the same old situation. (I also have the majority of these events documented since the settlement.)

Trin and I now want to get on with our lives, we’ve waited around for him for 11 years! What are we to do??

(I know. One thing for sure is not to make a decision out of anger. Thanks Astro.)

6

Oh, Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. This guy dosen’t care about his kid, he cares about leverage. Why else does he not visit or pay what he owes to support his own child?? Kwyjibo should stick him for every cent of child support he owes with the full weight of the law behind him. Garnish the fucker’s wages, I say, ruin his credit. THEY let him off the gov’t hook to be nice, he, predictably, took advantage.

As to “Changing the terms of the agreement”, that’s bull as well. Trinity has SOLE CUSTODY. That means she can take the child wherever she wants in Canada without the father’s input, agreement or support. Once Kwyj and Trin check with a lawyer, they’ll find out the same thing.

7

Things we know and don’t know

Don’t know - Bio-dad in this situation may or may not be a complete uncaring, waste of skin and an unfit father, but that is for a court or judge to decide.

Do know- You are not a Canadian lawyer nor an expert on Canadian custody law and this article by a Canadian lawyer and expert on custody law seems to support Kwyjibo’s research to date, regarding the complexities involved, more than your bold assertion about how “sole custody” and “access” are interpreted and implemented in Canada. You could possibly be quite correct, but I think it would be wise to see what his lawyer has to say than rely on your expertise.

Custody & Access in BC and Canada

8

Stess, traffic, and endless shootings (just kidding about the endless shooting). I wish I was kidding about the stress and traffic. Calgary’s problems mostly stem from growing too fast - new roads are opened and are filled to capacity the day they are opened. Most of Calgary’s major roads are running about 350% of capacity. Calgary also has a huge civic debt which is taking a lot of taxes away from infrastructure.

Dread Pirate Jimbo spent about 8 years in Kitchener when he was a youth, and his comments about the difference between Calgary and Kitchener are:

  • Calgary is a big, sprawling city - the size of Kitchener, Waterloo, Guelph, and Cambridge put together. We spend a lot of time in our cars here. Of course, if you’re around Toronto, that may not be a problem for you.
  • The public transit system here blows for a city this size.
  • You pay your own healthcare premiums in Alberta - eyes and teeth aren’t covered at all. And Alberta is on the verge of privatizing healthcare as well.
  • Virtually no lakes around Calgary. The mountains are nice, but the lakes are very cold - not much outdoor swimming around here.
  • Winters are very cold, but not much snow (Jim says very cold - I come from Saskatoon, and I find the winters mild here). You will need a block heater for your car.
  • Summers aren’t very hot. This could be a plus or minus, depending on how much you like the heat. My friend from Toronto hates the summers here - she feels like she never gets warm in summer. No bugs to speak of, though.

All that said, though, most people who move here from Toronto area find Calgary laid back and stress-free compared to Toronto.

9

That is what I found when I took a few trips out there. Sure there was traffic, but compare the traffic of about 800,000 people to 2.3 million. :slight_smile:

I hate the humid summers we have here and found Calgary to be quite nice climate. I don’t mind cold, hate the snow. :slight_smile:

You’re not doing o good job of convincing me to stay away. :slight_smile:

What about the schools? (That is my main concern.) I know all schools have problems, but the ones around me seem to be run by spineless administrators. A group of kids beat up my son at recess and they either suspend him or do nothing at all. I know all schools have bullies, but are they as rampant there as they are here?

10

Quite true. I am however, married to a Canadian who had/has sole custody of a child, and moved all around Canada with said Child in tow and without bio dads input at all. My comments were based on her experiences with the courts and a non custodial father. I asked her first.

11

Ah yes, the famed Alberta Advantage of lower taxes.

Which in reality is because Alberta (and BC too) takes what every other provinces includes in its tax roll, and splits it out so that you actually pay more than you think you do!

12

Unfit? I don’t think I would say that. Deadbeat? Well…getting warmer. The mother of his other child (He has 5 in total 3 are bio-his) has the same problems with him. Where as he can be a nice guy (well, to me he is. I think he’s afraid of me.) but he is rather lazy. To him, a 40 minute drive to see his son is to much, so he just doesn’t show up. (Mind you, a walk across the road was obviously too much for him too.)

Now I won’t speak for WeirdDave, but I believe he is speaking from his experiences with Canadian Custody Laws.

As for the bio-dad in my situation, he only has access. That site you posted, which I have read numerous times says the following:

We have:

When we took him to court for custody, he never fought us for anything other than this. (He did make a lot of stupid demands that actually made the lawyers laugh. Like requesting that we pay HIM child support for a child that he didn’t even live with.)

From what I have read, if this did go to court (which I was really hoping to avoid…) we would have to prove that the move would be in the best interests of the child, and in the cases where a move was stopped, it was because of a strong father and son bond. Of which there is none. (Which can be proven with the documents from our last court battle and the documentation I have kept thus far.

I do think WeirdDave hit it right on the head with his comment about leverage, though. I really don’t want to cause this guy trouble. I’m not an evil guy. But we did take him off support to be the ‘nice guys’. With the hopes that maybe he would remember that if we did put a plan in motion to move.

Now upon further reflection and after a good nights sleep, I believe you misunderstood my comment about putting him back on the government support plan. (This was also probably because I didn’t take the time to calm down and right it correctly.) I would not try to use it as leverage to “bludgeon him into submission” as you put it. I would only do it AFTER all was said and done.

You see, the court order has many rules that he as to follow which he does not and we cut him slack.

  • He was to pay child support, he didn’t, we cut him slack.
  • He is to come and see his son, he doesn’t, we cut him slack.
  • He was to NEVER to ask us to meet him half way, he does we cut him slack.
  • The government was hounding him because he wasn’t paying support, we took him off that system to make his life easier, and put him on the honour system. (He gave us a years worth of post dated checkes about 2 months ago…so far so good. But they are for a LOT less than he should be paying. But again…we are cutting him slack.)

Now last night, he starts waving the court order in our face claiming we can’t to ‘this’, we can’t to ‘that’. Fine. I have no problem with that. That is what the court order is for. But, if he wants to finally start playing by the rules (After 5 years of not doing so.) then I will have no choice but to do the same.

Meaning, he goes back on the government support plan and is nailed for support according their THEIR (the gov) terms. The amount that he will have to pay is completely out of my hands. But this will only happen after this next court case is over.

We have done everything thing we can to make life easy for him. Now we want to move. Ok, he won’t be physically as close, but he wouldn’t have to worry about support at all (We would tell him not to bother paying and to save it for air travel.), he wouldn’t have to worry about the gas and mileage on his car for his LONG 40 minute drive. He would only have to pay for a flight back.

Taking into consideration the amount of time he was spent with him thus far, he would actually be spending MORE time with his son if we moved as we would send him out for the summer!

But, as per usual with this guy, his ego gets in the way.

13

But I have to pay for Optical and Dental here. (It is covered by my works health plan though…well…some of it.)

14

Kwyjibo, I don’t have any idea about the school system in Alberta/Calgary. Maybe Ginger of the North could help out a little here (IIRC, her son was in school here). Any other Calgary dopers got kids in school here?

15

I have been in communicatoin with her. I will ask her.

Thanks. :slight_smile:

16

I am a graduate of the Calgary Separate School System. Honours all the way. Many of my friends spent their whole school careers in Calgary. Most of them (like me) recieved scholarships for when they went on to University.

Kwy, before you make these decisions, you must speak to a lawyer knowledgeable in Family Law in Ontario. This is where the custody order was placed, correct? Our own Muffin is a lawyer in Ontario, perhaps he can advise you on a good family law guy in the area.

17

Kwyjibo,

I am so sorry man. IRL I had no idea of the complications surrounding Bio-Dad.

I’m prayin’ for you Bud!
It’s all I have for you at the moment!

18

Well, I went to elementary, jr high and high school in Calgary, and my brother is a teacher in the Rocky View School Division. I think the schools here are pretty good. Of course it depends where you attend; however, on the whole I think they’re pretty decent.

I think bullying is a problem no matter where you go - even rural towns have issues.

A couple of things to keep in mind about Calgary:

  1. Housing is limited and expensive. I don’t know if this is an issue, but the impression that I get is that in TO, you can find a place, even if its a total dump, for a cheap rent, or you can find a decent place for big bucks. In Calgary, there aren’t that many dumps, per capita, so the housing available, while nice, has a tendancy to be very expensive.

  2. Traffic is a pain in the pitootie. However, its certainly no worse than downtown TO during rush hour, and drivers here don’t honk, at least.

19

Kwyjibo-

I live in Edmonton and would have to say that driving in Calgary is a joy compared to what we go through here.

Calgary is a wonderful city with great people. Mostly.

On the custody issue: We’ve been talking to our lawyer regarding sole custody of our boys so that bio-dad cannot interfere with the decisions we make regarding them. Without sole custody we need his approval to allow them to make school / church trips out of the province or country. He has not been involved with their lives, does not know what they do, who their friends are, and what’s important to them. Bio-dad was here last Friday (first time in months) and asked them if they wanted to come and live with him… being that he just threatened us by saying he was going to sue for sole custody (he has no hope in hell) this was not a cool thing to do. He’s a grade A prick.

You should have no difficulty in moving to Alberta being that you do have sole custody unless bio-dad challenges you legally. You have the legal authority to make any decisions regarding your son’s place of of residence.

20

Yes. The custordy order was drawn up here. (Fingers crossed for a Muffin drop in. :slight_smile: