I touched on this over in the Pit, so I’d better put it out here. I went on my church’s women’s retreat this past weekend. Religious fanatic that I am, I like the idea of taking 24 hours of my life and giving them to God, and, since I’m unemployed right now, I particularly needed the spiritual guidance. Besides, the retreat was up in the mountains of southwest Pennsylvania and the leaves are just starting to turn, so the setting was gorgeous!
Here’s the problem. Even though I moved about 15 miles away over a year ago, I kept going to my old church because it’s the one I grew up in and I was needed there. Even after I moved, they asked me to stay and I did because I liked the priest and because they supported me through a rough adolescence. Due to misunderstanding, miscommunication, and other factors I’m not entirely sure I understand, my church has, in effect, fired my priest. September 29th was his last Sunday. He wasn’t the greatest priest, and I Pitted him myself several months ago, but he’s a good man who genuinely tried to do the right thing. He’s not good with people as a rule, but I’ve found him and his wife to be good friends and counselors, once you get past his surface shyness. I’ve confronted him about issues a time or two, but we’ve stayed friends. Apparently others have prefered to speak to other people about him rather than talk to him directly. The other factor is this church of mine is in a nice, suburban, upper-middle class parish which thinks it’s Lake Woebegone. I’m one of 2 people in it who’ve never married and the only woman who never has. It doesn’t fit me well, but, like I said, I’ve stayed out of loyalty.
To get back to the retreat, the theme of it was “A Fresh Brewed Life”, a rather cutesy coffee theme about inviting God into our souls and waking up to Him. Not to sound like I’m boasting, but I did do that a while ago, and He’s quite definitely taken me up on the invitation. In fact, sometimes I’ve been known to call Him a busy-body! I’m also not a coffee drinker, but that’s not really relevant. I still was out to make the best of things, so at dawn on Saturday, I took myself off up the mountain and prayed. FTR, it can be dangerous asking a Deity to show you what you need to do and what you need to learn! As the morning progressed, I found myself defending Wiccans at one point, then moved on to the second period of meditation, or, at least that’s what I thought it was. I took myself off, considered the questions, and prayed again. I came back to find no one else had left the room and that the rest of the women were discussing home remodeling! Admittedly in the context of it being one of the trivialities which keep us from God, but still!! So, I prayed some more (it was a retreat, after all), and left early to visit a couple of wise, caring, thinking friends who happen to be Wiccan.
The story gets even longer, including some stuff about wondering whether my fears about not being able to find a new job are indicative of a lack of faith not to mention doing major work on my psyche, but I’ll leave that stuff off. Two months ago, I lost my job. Six weeks ago, these two friends I mentioned told me they’re moving 600 miles away (I was also helping them pack). This weekend, I realized it’s time for me to leave the church I’ve been relying on. I’m not sure what I’m going to lose next. Of course, when I came on to check the SDMB and I would choose to read a thread about His4Ever over in the Pit which just made things worse.
I’m staying Christian, and I’m staying Episcopalian specifically, but right now, the Wiccans are acting better than the Christians. I’ve lost something important to me. Now that my priest has been fired, I’ve lost someone important to me. Faith does remain, and the light does shine in the darkness, but it’s feeling a bit dim right now.
So, can anyone recommend a good Episcopalian church in Pittsburgh? No? Can I ask for some of that famous Doper compassion then? Yes, just thinking of names such as Polycarp, Tomndebb, Guinastasia, Jodi, Monty, and other Board Christians too numerous to mention is comforting, not to mention ultrafilter, Eve, and the rest of you guys.
CJ
“Oh no, I’ve said too much. I haven’t said enough.”
Losin’ My Religion, R.E.M.