New Orleans 'Aints
Cleveland Cadavers
St Louis Lambs
and my favorite…Purdont.
Any Others?
The Toronto Maple Laughs, or if you prefer, Toronto Make Believes. Proudly losing since 1967!
The Toronto Blue Jays were known as the Blow Jays in the late 80’s when they had a penchant for choking in pennant races and playoffs. The nickname’s since fallen out of use but I’m sure they’ll trot it out if they ever blow an important lead again.
And our basketball team is, of course, the Toronto Craptors.
Hamilton’s CFL team, the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, plays in Ivor Wynne Stadium. Which is invariably referred to, of course, as Never Win Stadium.
Probably the best I’ve ever heard, though, wasn’t a play on the name; the 1992-1993 Mets were referred to simply as “The Worst Team Money Can Buy.” That’s great.
Let us not leave off Washington’s favorite sons: The Dead Skins
There’s the Detroit Dead Wings or the Detroit Dead Things.
The New York Jets were called “The Gang Green” because of their team colors and because the team was pretty sickly (I believe they have the worst record of any non-expansion team since the AFL merger).
However, the nickname is now generally used by fans and even the front office and is not pejorative.
Though few use it, Dan Jenkens referred to the “Dog-Ass Jets” so many times in Semi-Tough that it’s hard to resist.
Minnesota Twins – Tloses (win becomes lose, get it?)
When the old Washington Senators (who eventually became the Twins) were struggling (as they were all too wont to do), wags played off this tribute to the first President of the United States to describe the baseball team as “first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League”.
I recall how, during the Raiders down years in L.A., Chris Berman and others called their stadium “the Mausoleum.”
During the last years of Tom Landry and the early, woeful years of Jimmy Johnson, people were calling the Dallas Cowboys “The Irving Bay Cowboys.” (Because it seemed at that time as if all the really lousy teams had “Bay” in their names).
Names that I heard occasionally, but which never eally caught on:
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The St. John’s Deadmen
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The UCLA Ruins
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The New York Jests
Deadbirds Both the St. Louis Cardinals (aka Redbirds) and the NFL Cardinals when they were in St. Louis (Perhaps the folks in Arizona have come up with their own nickname.)
The Nassau Veterans Memorial Colisseum, home of the New York Islanders, was also called Mausoleum.
I could swear that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Bucs) were sometimes called the “Yucks” during their pathetic years, but I can’t remember a specific broadcaster doing it.
Leaf fans like to call the Canadiens, nicknamed the Habs, the Hab Nots.
The Cincinnati Bungles
Or their counterparts on the ice: the Crapitols. And Clevelanders can proudly come out in support of the Clowns.
ESPN guys still refer to them tghat way on occasion.
I don’t know if it’s still around since my local newspaper stopped running it years ago but the “Bottom Ten” column always seemed to have a steady supply of monikers for the worst teams in the NFL and college.
Some I remember:
New England “Patsies”
Indianapolis “Dolts”
Tampa “at” Bay Buccaneers (or Green “at” Bay Packers if they were lousy)
Seattle “Heehawks” (or “Seashocks”)
Northwestern University “Mildcats”
University of Notre Dame “Frightened Irish”
University of Texas at El “Intercepted” (or “Deflected” or “Incompleted”) Paso Miners
When losing, the Denver Broncos have been referred to as the “Donkeys.” Baseball has the Colorado “Mockeries.” Then in basketball, you have the Denver “Lugnuts.” I’m not a Denver hater, really. I used to live in Colorado for 10 years, was an early Rockies fan, and celebrated a Stanley Cup and two Super Bowl victories when living there. I really do love their teams.
My Entire Team Sucks.
The New York Mutts.
Only, this year, not so much.
This reminds me about a line about Missouri- the St. Louis Browns were so horrible in their day that the state, known for its breweries and shoe manufacturers at the time, was often referred to as being “first in booze, first in shoes, and last in the American League.”
The houston Lastros.
enuf said.
Right about now, the Detroit Tigers are starting to look like the Detroit Kitty Cats. The Lions are perennially the Kitty Cats.
Also known as the Detroit Liedowns