Losing virginity

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Yes! (Yes! Yes! Yes!) I just want to reiterate that, besides the obvious good part, losing my virginity was a very important positive psychological development for me as well – a really important part of figuring out who I was and what I wanted out of life.

It’s extremely important to teach about how to avoid the harmful consequences sex can have, but it’s also extremely important to remember all the positive consequences it can have (again, besides the obvious). Pleasure is good for you.

“We believe that happy connected sex … is important, possibly even essential, to most people’s sense of self-worth, to their belief that life is good. … Sex is for pleasure, a complete and worthwhile goal in and of itself. People have sex because it feels very good, and then they feel good about themselves.”

  • Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, The Ethical Slut
62

Well it’s not like it was my choice to not have sex in high school.

sigh 20 years and counting.

63

badmana Congratulations! I hope. and thank you.
caphis
quote "So, where are you off to this evening, Sensualips?
This evening I saw my son leave with three of his friends to go to the beach. He will be seeing her tomorrow during the day for a Halloween Party. I do have tro admit that although I am greatly relieved he decided to wait. I am a little disappointed too. It’s funny how I take their milestones as if they were my own. I was also preparing for him to discuss the experience with me afterward.
Most of my night was spent dressing my 14 year old as a devil for the school dance. I have not had a date since my ex left me. I am slowly getting back to the stage where I am forgetting he even existed. Maybe it is time? Eh, when it happens, it happens, I am in no rush.
(Of course if there are any eligible bachelors on the board I am always available for a chat)

**whiterabbit **
quote “Heck, I survived until 25, though lack of opportunity. I was not scarred for life by it, either.”
I knew a girl who was offering herself to any guy who wanted it just before the prom. It was a little unerving for me to hang out with her.

matt_mcl
quote “Oh, and one more thing. Remember to mention to him the importance of getting the young lady off too, and the techniques he might use to do that (if my understanding of straight sex is accurate, it’s unlikely he’ll be doing that just by penetrating her, at least the first time before he’s had a chance to practise.)”
Matt, do you know a lot about women? I think a woman’s body is too immature to orgasm at this age.Ffrom what I remember, (like Whiterabbit) I was too darned scared and wanted it over as soon as possible. I am not going to tell my son that. However, I did tell him what foreplay was. (Do you think I scared him?)

SolGrundy
quote “What if he’s not big enough for her?”
I must have missed this. I have to laugh. I was worried about this when he first started going out with girls. I didn’t know it when I married him, but his father wasn’t exactly “average”. So I thought my son might have some anxiety and I discussed it with him. I told him how I loved his father and that it didn’t matter to me. He finally figured out what I was talking about. He asked me, “What is average?”. I told him “5 to 6 inches” He started laughing and blurted out “Really??? Mom, I don’t think you need to worry about me! I am beyond average.” (He got that from my side of the family:) )

(“Vital fluids”…ROFLMAO)

Originally Posted by Sensualips
He is also the only boy in my family other than my older brother who doesn’t have all his faculties. (maybe that’s why)

**Ghanima **
quote “I’m having trouble figuring out what this means. Can you explain further? It sounds like you mean he’s retarded, but the rest of your post doesn’t imply that at all. Am I being dense?”

No you aren’t being dense, I worded that badly.I just meant that my brother (the only other male available) is not a good example for my son. The “Maybe thats why” refers to the fact that he (my brother) has been brought up with only women.

I hope that makes sense?

**Kalhoun **
quote"We need to stop treating sex as some dark and naughty thing and try looking at it as a natural aspect of our lives."

I was hoping there were others out there who feel as I do. I was so inhibited by my catholic upbringing it gave me a warped sense of sexuality and I feel my life would have been better lived had I been brought up to feel this wasn’t a “precious commodity” only given to your husband. This includes how I felt after being raped. If I had not valued myself by my sexuality, I would have recovered with a much better self esteem. (TMI but I felt it was a valuable point.)

**Soapbox Monkey **
quote “Well it’s not like it was my choice to not have sex in high school.
sigh 20 years and counting.”

I truly believe that if you had tried harder you might have. I know so many boys are painfully shy without needing to be. If someone had been there for you to tell you to take many risks, your chances will increase every time you talk to a girl. You might have and maybe even now might still have that chance you were loooking for. You just have to reach out for it. To find the courage or stop caring so much about the rejection. Ask girls you don’t know for a date and just try. Then rejection doesn’t matter so much and you learn something new (getting better at it all the time).

Of course if you are a girl…the same rules DO apply.

64

Whaaa? At 16? Maybe almost all females won’t experience an orgasm during their first few times of actual intercourse, regardless of their age. But to claim that females 16 and under can’t have an orgasm is a new one on me. I had some, uh, personal experiences that seemed quite contrary to this statement. Care to expand?

PS: I not trying to start an arguement here, I’m genuinely curious about how you came to this conclusion.

65

Second the puzzlement… I’ve heard from many women who had orgasms when they first learned to masturbate in early childhood.

66

Oh yes, 16 is not too early to orgasm, not at all. Neither is 14 or earlier. My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday has several women’s recolletions about orgasms before 16 IIRC.

67

I stand corrected…what i meant was a vaginal orgasm…some women never get off that way.

and yes…orgasms can start very young…maybe its the lack of sleep.

68

Did that ever stop them trying? They are no less eager at that age.

69

I wasn’t scared so much as I was just amazed that It was finally happening, and with somebody I very much wanted to be with. But there was no way I was gettin’ off, either.

And trust me, 16 is far from too early to have orgasms. Faaaaar from too early. But it’s a whole different thing having them on your own to progress from having them with someone else. Takes practice, that.

70

I’d just like to say that Sensualips, you’re a fantastic mother and I hope very much that if and when I ever have children, I can have a relationship with them that’s half as good as the one you have with yours.

71

Thank you for your kind words, I’m so glad you were all there for us. I don’t feel so alone now. I think you all know how difficult it is to know if what you are doing is right. The men in my life have all disagreed about how I bring up my kids. (spare the rod and spoil the child…oh how I hate that). They have all referred to the way they (the men) were brought up as the right way…and then they complain about how their parents messed them up! In the end, I always chose my kids. Which is why I am alone. But even though I don’t have a man in my life, you have given me the hope that there are men out there that believe that children should be brought up with respect and treated like human beings with dignity.

I tell my kids all the time:

“I don’t love you all the same, I love you all differently, because you are all different.”

72

I had this type of conversation with my mom when I was 16. Though I didn’t have a girlfriend or anyone lined up at the time. It was purely hypothetical.

I didn’t launch into the conversation for shock value, because I needed information, or hope to get condoms and lubricant out of the deal. I was feeling out my parents to see if they’d freak out if I brought a girl home. Point blank: “Do you want me having sex here, in relative comfort and safety, or would you rather I do it in a car or some other place semipublic?”

73

So…are you still grounded?

74

I wasn’t grounded. :stuck_out_tongue:
Grounding was always a pretty ineffective punishment for me anyway.

Though if I had been, I would have taken that reaction as the answer to my question, despite whatever she might have said to the contrary. Actions speak louder and all that.

You may want to ask where they plan to engage in their adult activities… though getting booked for public indecency would make for a great “How I lost my virginity…” story.

75

I rarely go out at night and he had completely redone his room in the basement so I knew something was up. 2+2= 4