I’m pretty close to that age…
He told you he was going to have sex?
Like, he walked in and said “Hey Mom! I’m gonna fuck my girlfriend tonight!”!?!
Kid has stones.
(Oh, yeah, buy him the condoms if he wants you too.)
Ilsa_Lund
No, he asked me if I would leave the house tomorrow night. It followed from there.
Ilsa_Lund
He already has them.
clairobscur
Truer words were never spoken.
Ruby and **yosemite ** My kids know firsthand how hard it is to bring up children. They watched me do it. They saw my tears, my pain after working all night at a second job. Still not able to buy them designer jeans. None of my girls want children right away if at all. I think the reason my son waited this long was to be sure he knew what he was doing first. Besides, he knows I wouldn’t have the time or the money to help him much. He read what you said and we discussed it. He will talk to her about what she would do and what he would want before they decide whether or not to have sex.
Giraffe
Actually we discussed this too. He wanted to know how long was “long enough”. (I am smiling so hard right now.) I told him she probably wouldn’t care but if he was worried, two minutes would be fine. He told me “Jeesh, I can’t do it in that short of a time!!” Whether he is bragging or not, I think he has the right outlook no?
Incubus
From young children I have allowed them to make their own decisions. I would of course tell them what I would do and point out the potential consequences. I know a lot of you disagree with that and it was difficult for them in school because they would question even the teachers. But the result has been some pretty damn intelligent kids and ones with great integrity and self confidence. You cannot get along in this world and make a difference unless you question everything.
Rick
Bippy the Beardless
To this I added, “Don’t turn away from her…keep her in your arms and reassure her it’s ok.” Most of all, smile at her. (Even if you are grinding your teeth.)
Mr. Blue Sky
Thats ok, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Especially now that I have found you guys. How I wish you were around when they were smaller.
I am a firm beliver that kids are not stupid. You can’t hide things from them without them learning you can’t be trusted. I am put here as there mother to guide them the best way I know how. Not the easiest way I know how. So I talk to them. All the time and anytime they want to. When my 22 year old was 15, she wanted to know what a BJ was. I told her. I think that when they ask, it is time for them to know. And I give it to them straight. If it is too much, they tell me and I stop. I also let them take the consequences for their actions. It wasn’t easy, but you should see what great responsible kids they are. Every one of them has found their talent in life. All feel lucky they can go to college and are already planning for it. My oldest is almost done with school and is already a drug and alcohol therapist in a rehab. She also works with disabled children part time.
Oh ya GorillaMan and alterego: He really did need the
and
Garfield226 FWIW I have a Toyota, insurance, and the brakes are just fine.
Sure, you’ve all mentioned breaking condoms, STD’s, unexpected pregnancy, the statistical chances of promiscuity and multiple partners at 16 years old, and so on. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg! What about performance anxiety? Premature ejaculation? What if he’s not big enough for her? What if it’s awkward? What if he’s lying? What if she turns out to be some type of alien waiting for hapless young men to fall into her clutches so they can be abducted for ghastly experiments? What if she’s a vampire?!?
Once again, the SDMB has been presented with what is a very cool and remarkably healthy situation, and inflated it to A Crisis Facing Our Nation. Sensualips and her son have an open and trusting enough relationship that he’d voluntarily go to her with a very personal and private situation. Coming from a family that never, ever, ever talked about sex (and still doesn’t if it can be at all avoided), I envy that, and think that repressing it would be the worst possible thing to do.
Now, of course, talking about protection, and respect, and the risks involved, are not the same thing as repression. But know your audience. Yes, of course teenage pregnancy is a very big deal, as are STD’s, and just the simple maturity enough to be able to handle having a sexual relationship. But somehow, plenty of people manage to make it through their first (and subsequent) sexual experiences with no loss of limb or lifelong trauma. Some people even get to where they enjoy it! There’s already so much (unnecessary) pressure on your “first time,” nobody needs to be adding to it
So yeah, my advice to Sensualips would be to get him the equipment and not make an issue of it, if you’re comfortable with doing that. (I’d suggest you don’t put a big bow on it and a card that reads, “Love, Mother”). Yes, he’s going to have to buy them for himself eventually, but one less thing to have to concern himself with (and for you to concern yourself with) is a good idea.
And make certain he’s aware of the importance of caution, protection, and maturity, but without resorting to “The Sky Is Falling! Have sex once and you’ll die Of SYPHILIS and have an unwanted CHILD!!!” People learn to drive without having to be reminded of decapitations and car explosions and being trapped in a car that’s sinking in a lake, even though all that stuff does happen on occasion.
One of the few bits of literature I have memorised (probably imperfectly) is: “Always to be right, always to trample forward, never to doubt; is this not how dullness takes the lead in the world?” (from Vanity Fair - the novel. I hasten to add)
Daughters grow up quick. I watched There’s Something about Mary with my 8 year old the other day. (My first time, she’d already seen it with my wife.) Afterwards, at dinner, we were talking about the scene where Ben Stiller takes the advice of his friend and “flogs the dolphin”. Natalie said she liked the way Mary put the goo on her hair. I asked her if she knew it wasn’t hair gel. Of course, she said, he used his hands to get it “from there”. Plus, I added knowledgeably, he was looking at pictures of beautiful girls.
Why my wife had to ruin my little chat with a “just like Daddy” I just don’t know? Natalie found that funnier than the film for some reason.
I did tell my daughters something totally different. Which worked quite effectively in preventing them from having sex too young.
(Of course my 14 year old is still in the yuck kissing stage. But it worked with her sister who now has a sex life, albeit she is picky as to who. She still tells me when she is with someone new! She lives an hour and a half away! Not many, thank Og.)
But I told them that they should really care for the boy they choose to lose their virginity to. Be sure he cares for you too.
“Because sex is really messy. Do you really want some jerk seeing you with this sticky mess all over your butt as you walk to the bathroom?”
This always took the tension off the moment, but I am sure it made an impression!
On a serious note:
It is my opinion that 16 - 17 is a natural age for someone to begin to experiment sexually. I have seen far too many men and women who were actually traumatized from mildly to severely by NOT having sex in high school. I think this affects their self-esteem, their confidence and their whole look at the world. If the situation does not at least present itself to them, I believe it is more of a tragedy than not.
How they handle this situation is another thing. I am NOT saying that every teenager should engage in sexual activity. But should at least have the ability and opportunity to turn it down or accept it.
I can state cases where this was in fact what I have witnessed.
MY son is only a few years behind yours and I think we have the same kind of relationship. Good on ya!
EVERY 16 yr old is thinking about sex, the ones who can approach someone for advice (from someone other then mates who are all mouth) or just chit chat are the lucky ones.
Jnr I hope you realise you hav a bloody good mum. 
Wow! You’ve raised an extraordinarily mature and considerate young man. I’m feeling a great deal of respect for the pair of you.
I’ve checked all the posts here and I may be wrong, but I don’t think anyone’s pointed out that he needs to know the most important thing - if she’s a virgin, odds are she’ll bleed. Possibly copiously.
When I was dating (but hadn’t had sex yet) with my first boyfriend (also a virgin), I mentioned casually that I wasn’t looking forward to that bit much. He was first stunned to find out that I would probably bleed, and then incredibly angry with his parents for never having mentioned it to him. As far as he was concerned, that was the No.1 thing they should have mentioned at some point (they were pretty shy folks though, so he had basically no information) as he would have believed otherwise that he’d done something horribly wrong and hurt me.
Just as well I’d mentioned it because, well, I’m a bleeder at the best of times. You can imagine how it went. Even with foreknowledge, he still took a lot of convincing that it didn’t hurt much, what with all the blood. 
Don’t scare him! It probably won’t be copious.
Or it could be not at all. My gf was a virgin when we met but she didn’t have a hymen. They can break for non sexual reasons when girls are younger.
Khiadra
Very good point. No, I didn’t think of this. I will mention it to him tonight. I actually think he is a little relieved that he has decided to wait (As am I).
I want to thank all of you for your kind words of support. Their father left 9 years ago and has not even called them since. What he left behind was a totally dysfunctional and broken family. But we were a family and we all helped each other get through it and come out triumphant. We were and are a team. We have noone else as his family deserted them as well and mine is nonexistant.
In a way, I think this board tonight (now this morning) has added a new dimension to our family.
laugh I wasn’t advocating showing scenes of the Chainsaw Massacre and saying ‘Yes, dear, just like that’.
But it’s something all teens should be aware of. Imagine if you didn’t mention it and she - like me - was a bleeder? It could very well put you off repeating the experience for years.
I just wanted to step in and say you’re an amazing parent Sensualips. I’m glad you’re accepting that teenagers have sex on the brain and aren’t trying to suppress a very basic and important human need. A need that, when ignored, tend to produce some very fucked up kids.
My parents didn’t have to give me “the talk”. I did much of my learning on my own but they laid the foundations to my questioning ways. I researched sex online (not all porn :D) and when my GF and I were ready, we talked about all the aspects that big step would entail. Our next big step happens tomorrow when I ask her to marry me 
Good luck to your kid. The first time isn’t very good but to share such a close and personal experience with a woman can be in incredible turning point in a serious relationship.
So, where are you off to this evening, Sensualips?
I didn’t bleed much but it didn’t feel good at all that first time. I was actually glad that the guy came really fast, because I was not happy, but I wanted to get past that first time. This varies, of course, but he needs to know that her first time has a good chance of not being nearly as much fun as his, though no fault of his own. He sounds like a good kid.
I suspect a lot more people get through high school as virgins than they’re willing to admit as well, though that isn’t really on topic here. Heck, I survived until 25, though lack of opportunity. I was not scarred for life by it, either.
Oh, and one more thing. Remember to mention to him the importance of getting the young lady off too, and the techniques he might use to do that (if my understanding of straight sex is accurate, it’s unlikely he’ll be doing that just by penetrating her, at least the first time before he’s had a chance to practise.)
You’re underestimating us. We did adress that too… 
Of course she is a vampire. She going to abduct ** sensual lips **'s baby at night and drain his vital fluids…
Well…I suspect that the first time for a first timer ranks as a significantly more important issue than a mere “Crisis Facing Our Nation”
I’m having trouble figuring out what this means. Can you explain further? It sounds like you mean he’s retarded, but the rest of your post doesn’t imply that at all. Am I being dense?
I bought my son’s first box of condoms. He didn’t ask me to. I felt (and still feel) that it is a part of parenting. If he bought his own, that’s fine. But the gesture is two-fold: you care about his health and you don’t want him to become a parent too early in his life. We need to stop treating sex as some dark and naughty thing and try looking at it as a natural aspect of our lives.
Also, contrary to what someone here said earlier, I think sex is part of discovering who you are; not a roadblock to finding out who you are. The fact that they are still discovering themselves shouldn’t preclude them from exploring the most basic part of the human experience. As long as they do it on their own clock and not because they’re being pressured into it by others, they’re behaving normally.
A LOT of us can’t climax from penetration, no matter what happens in porn and bad romance novels. I didn’t think about that point because my first time I was thinking something along the line of “My God, I’m having SEX!” than getting into the right frame of mind for an orgasm. YMMV.
She probably has a good idea of what she likes; follow her cues, and all ought to go well, with practice if not immediately.