Watching my MIL open her mother’s day presents today reminded me of some of the strange gifts I have received over the years.
Like when I was 10 and my Grandmother gave me a hot pink tulle nightie. Very sexy (it was the 80’s) but not really appropriate for a 10 year old.
Or my 18th Birthday gift from mum.
Some background to set the scene: I had gone to Uni interstate and my parents had arranged for me to board at a Lutheran College (it also housed the Lutheran Seminary). There I was 17 years old and my first taste of freedom, I’d never been allowed out past 9pm previously, I’d never touched alcohol much less had a serious boyfriend. The Lutherans owned most of the vineyards in the state so alcohol was plentiful and cheap, and the boys were friendly. I did a lot of growing up there.
Now in Australia when you turn 18 you are legally an adult – drinking, voting and all that. So my mum decided it was time to educate me in the facts of life (bit late mum we learnt it in primary school). Anyway full of good intentions she sends me for my 18th birthday, care of my college friends a book entitled
“Loving Sex, Happiness in Mateship.” by Dr. Richmond Rikard-Bell.
The card enclosed stated -
“Honey, This book is for instruction at the appropriate time not experimentation. Your daggy traditional Mum.”
Through my 3 years at the college I never lived the book down.
That was many years ago now and I had almost forgotten the book until it came to light when we last moved house (as these things eventually do). Leechboy pulled it out and perused it with interest. I would like to share the following info he found with my fellow Dopers:
Section 13 – Subjects of Controversy
Chapter 72. The Most Passionate Sexual Embrace
Please bear with me whilst I quote some passages:
The Limits of Normal
“When a man and woman make love, providing the anal or back passage opening is excluded nearly all embraces are normal.” Then goes onto explain that Sodomy is derived from Sodom the evil city destroyed by God’s wrath in the Old Testament.
The Most Daring Normal Embrace
“The most passionate natural and healthy embrace, whether from male to female or vice versa, is the genital kiss.” Leechboy starts sending up hasty prayers of thanks for that 
There is a very sedate description of what exactly a genital kiss is.
Evidence of Normality
Compares human sex to animals having sex – to make the point whilst it is OK for males to perform the genital kiss on females it is highly unusual “in the wild” for females to do the male. Leechboy is now getting worried.
3 pages follow of very tedious reading highlighting the importance of making sure that you don’t get so excited by the passionate embrace that you think to experiment with sodomy.
Finally to close the good Doctor has this to say:
The Danger of an Abomination
“The genital kiss has been described as part love play, and as a prelude to sexual intercourse.
So called ‘oral sex’ where the embraces are used as coital substitutes is advised against. Couples have to make up their own minds, but I am not convinced that such embraces when used as a substitute for intercourse do not border on being abominations.”
So In closing I would like to thank my mum for what is possibly the oddest gift I have ever received. I should also like at this point recommend the reader get out there and practice some abomination 
